High Performers Who Are Able To Emotionally Detach From Work All Have One Trait In Common
You can do your best and still stay true to yourself.
Vitaly Gariev / Pexels On some level, everyone is emotionally attached to the work they do, even if they see their jobs as just a way to pay bills and support the rest of their lives.
But being too connected to work can leave us stressed, burnt out, and resentful, which is a great way to really settle into suffering.
Coach Elissa Lynn shared how high performers lean out at work while still exceeding expectations and hitting their goals. She gave specific insight into how high performers function in a way that protects their inner peace while they shine.
High performers who can emotionally detach from their work have one essential trait in common.
As Lynn explained, their ability to stay emotionally unattached to their work isn’t because they have easy jobs or a lack of stress in what they do.
“Actually, it’s the opposite because what they do is very challenging,” she said. “They have good boundaries around their time, but they know that’s not enough.”
Setting clear boundaries on the job is crucial to maintaining work-life balance, yet it’s often easier said than done.
Keeping a clear list of what you will and will not accept on the job frees you up to do your best work.
Lynn clarified that emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice, saying that high performers “know that being nice is only going to get them more work and more resentment.”
“They’ve learned how to be assertive while maintaining good rapport,” she explained. “They see challenges as an opportunity to evolve,” a tactic that allows them to pinpoint how they can move forward in their positions and keep expanding on the job.
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“Instead of going into the worst-case scenario thinking, they’re going into best-case scenario thinking,” Lynn clarified. “Instead of thinking, ‘What if I say something embarrassing,’ it’s, ‘What if it’s a massive success?’”
This line of thinking is rooted in recognizing their own inherent self-worth, both on and off the clock.
They’re not leading with toxic positivity, an action that can cause damage, but rather, they’re seeing what their growth points are and acting on them.
High performers who are able to detach from their jobs all do one key thing: They have emotional intelligence at work.
Lynn explained another important detail of their mindset, noting that sometimes, things don’t go their way, but they don’t let that get them down.
“When they get hit with that unhappy client, or someone says something irrational, they know, ‘I’m in control of my reactions, not their emotions,’” an attitude that lets them separate themselves from their work while taking accountability for themselves, and nothing more.
“They get triggered, they get stressed, but they’re really good at neutralizing their emotions which shortens that period that they’re thinking about things outside of their control that haven’t even happened yet,” Lynn said.
She shared why that's such an essential way to enter the workplace, explaining that staying focused on their own emotional responses lets them “Put energy toward the right places.”
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“A business setback no longer shakes the foundation of how they view themselves,” she said, as they’re able to maintain a separation between their self-worth and the work they do.
They know that making a mistake on the job doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person. It just means they made a mistake.
“They know it’s just data,” Lynn said. “They don’t have to add drama to it.”
“If you’re only focusing on the how: ‘How do I say no, how do I get more productive,’ you’re missing a piece of the puzzle,” she continued.
“Your desires for some ‘me time,’ even when work is crazy, for being present, instead of bringing every single work problem home, all of that will be increasingly difficult to have until you strengthen your emotional intelligence at work,” Lynn concluded.
In a separate post, Lynn shared how people can reach the emotional detachment they need to achieve actual work-life balance.
“It is not about setting better boundaries for your time,” she said, explaining that if you sign on to work at “a normal time,” sign off in the evenings and don’t work weekends, but still feel like you can’t let your work go, the thing you’re missing isn’t about boundaries, it’s emotional intelligence.
Lynn made it clear that missing emotional intelligence at work “doesn’t mean you’re not intelligent or self-aware; it means there’s a gap in how you manage and respond to your emotions in your career.”
She touched on the ways that having a reactive response to work challenges keeps your nervous system elevated, noting that deepening your workplace emotional intelligence is a way to keep yourself regulated.
“We all know if you’re still thinking about work when you’re off, you’re not really off, and that’s a great way to resent a career that you do enjoy,” she said.
Acknowledging that we are only in control of our own emotional response to the world around us and nothing else offers freedom from harsh self-judgment and all the work stressors that might arise.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.