Why There's No Shame In Being A High-Maintenance Girlfriend
My boyfriend loves all the extremely particular, obsessive oddities about me.
IVASHstudio / Shutterstock By Paula Burrows
I am a perfectionist. Always have been and likely always will be. Some might even call me slightly obsessive.
When I have an image in my head, I work my butt off to make it turn out exactly how I pictured. It can be exhausting to be so particular about everything, but it’s something that makes me... me.
My boyfriend is the total opposite. He is so laid back and loves to go with the flow. If something doesn’t work out, oh well, that’s cool.
While I completely admire this about him and I love that his calmness occasionally rubs off on me, I’m still a tad high-strung.
He is my balance. He doesn’t try to change my neurotic, slightly obsessive compulsive ways, he is just getting much better at dealing with them.
He knows when to calm me down, get me to just chill out for a moment and breathe, and when to just step out-of-the-way and help me in any way he can.
Of course, being a perfectionist with every detail of her life planned out means that I’m more than a slightly high-maintenance girlfriend, but I’m OK with that. In many ways, I think it makes our relationship a lot stronger.
Here are a few reasons that being a high-maintenance girlfriend is OK for your relationship:
First of all, I’m not hiding a part of myself from my boyfriend.
I don’t think I could ever truly be myself around my boyfriend if I had to hide my perfectionist or high-maintenance ways.
Sure, it might be exhausting to remember exactly how I like my coffee or how I like the dishes to be washed, but by being honest with these little oddities that I might have, I feel like he understands me that much better.
Also, because I like almost everything to be a certain way, I communicate my needs and wants with him.
I’m not angry at my boyfriend for not being able to read my mind. If I want him to do something for me or with me, I let him know.
I don’t try to drop hints, hoping that he’ll realize what it is that I want him to do and then get upset when he doesn’t pick up on my subtlety. He’s almost always down to do whatever so I ask, and we can skip all the mind games.
Another great thing about being so high-maintenance is that I almost always get the gifts I like (within reason).
My boyfriend understands that I’m particular and that there is likely something that I’ve had my eye on for a while, so he skips the trouble and just asks.
Sure, it occasionally ruins the surprise, but I always end up with an amazing gift that I love from my favorite person. He has surprised me with unexpected gifts that I’ve adored as well, which I never expected because I love to pick everything out.
Being a perfectionist means that I also love to plan.
I plan everything out to the very last detail and it drives me crazy when something is left to the unknown. I hate not knowing what is going to happen or going into a situation unprepared. This has led to my boyfriend and I talking about the future of our relationship very openly.
He understands that I want to know what his plans are for his career and what he wants his future family to look like. He isn’t scared off by the fact that I am considering him in my life plan, too.
With this open communication we are able to ask each other for what it is that we want out of the relationship, there’s no worrying about what the other will think or second guessing a certain thought, everything is out there in the open.
However, I am learning that things can’t always go my way.
For example, he can’t hang out with me all the time no matter how much I would love that. But he enjoys my neediness and perfectionist ways because that’s part of who I am.
If I wasn’t a high-maintenance girlfriend, expressing my every desire, dream, want, and plan, out in the open, our relationship would be completely different than it is today. To act differently in order to avoid bothering him would be to change myself and change our relationship.
I’m high-maintenance and proud of it.
So ladies, if you are a perfectionist or maybe a little high-strung, don’t try to change entirely for the guy you’re dating. Be yourself and the right one will come along, and he will love those extremely particular, obsessive oddities about you.
Paula Burrows is a writer, future teacher, former student at Brock University, and contributor to Unwritten whose work focuses on pop culture, relationships, and lifestyle topics. Visit her author profile for more.