A Letter To My Past Self: We Survived The Assault
You will smile again, laugh again, and love again.
Bricolage / Shutterstock By Sabrina Sivert
Dear Sabrina,
I am so sorry that you went through this. It has almost been eight years since your assault.
To this day, you are still hurting. The pain will always linger, but you made it out. At one point you feel like a victim — lost, scared, and alone. Then the next, a survivor — strong, brave, and proud.
This is a cycle that you will live with forever. Just keep fighting.
You kept in so much, for so long, and have carried so much weight from the pain you endured. After a while you realize that this is part of who you are and a big part of your life.
You find your voice one day. You share your story one day. You let some of that weight go.
Sharing your story won’t be pretty or easy — you’ll relive some of those worst moments and many times it makes yourself and others cry — but good will come from it.
The phrase “I was raped” won’t be words to fear anymore. You will see how loved you are.
Opening up won’t change how people view you. Instead, they will admire you and you will admire yourself for getting through this and not having to carry all that pain alone anymore.
Despite all your rapist said and did to you, you’ll know one day that you are enough.
You will learn how beautiful you are, how brave you are, how strong you are, and so much more.
His words will linger and try to take over at times, but you remember how hard you fought to be here.
You will smile again, laugh again, and love again.
You took your pain and turned it into power to fight for yourself and others who earn the title of survivor. Your heart won’t turn to stone like you think, but will grow bigger and more understanding.
In a few years you will meet someone who loves you for all you are and you fall in love. You continue to chase your dreams. You move by the ocean like you always dreamed.
You change careers, but it’s okay because you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be doing something you’re passionate about.
You push yourself to be the best you can be because you believe in yourself again. These are the things that matter, the things that define you, not what he said to you or what he did to you.
I guess I just want to let you know that you do make it through. That you did, in fact, go through hell but came out as an angel.
I wish I could hug you and let you know you’re not alone. I wish I could tell you it will be okay. I wish you could see us today because you’d be so proud. You’ve come far.
I love you,
Sabrina, your future self
Anyone affected by sexual assault can find support on the National Sexual Assault Hotline, a safe, confidential service. Contact The Hotline or call 800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member.
Sabrina Sivert is a writer, wife, and victim/survivor advocate who resides in Florida. Visit her Linktree account for more of her advocacy work.