Why Every Nice Guy You Reject Is Becoming Someone Else's Perfect Boyfriend
It is common amongst all of us to have the unattainable urge to want what we can't have.
michaeljung / shutterstock By Rebecca Cumming
Good guys finish last. At least, that’s how the saying goes. You would think this means that all girls love the bad boys and we are swatting away good guys like flies.
Meanwhile, all we are thinking is: why does it seem like every guy is such a jerk?!
Where are all the good guys?
The good ones are always married, taken, and/or gay. We are queens, of course, and this means that the right guy that is about to come along should be begging for a chance with us. They should be saying all the right things, not lack thereof.
They should be texting us frequently, not making us wait hours for their message back.
They should be asking us for coffee, or for dinner or to do anything at all other than “Netflix and Chill” and, at that, they should be asking us out for a second date as well.
We think this is what we want, but the moment a man starts the conversation too many times, or expresses how much he likes us too soon, we are immediately telling our girlfriends he’s not the one.
“I don’t know, he seems a bit keen.”
“I mean he’s already obsessed with me, it’s a bit much.”
“He literally texted me 3 times today, like chillllllll."
We expect to be pined over, wined and dined, but the moment a boy does this too soon, we are running for the hills (or the bars) back into the arms of the regular screw-ups and douchebags we call 20-something men in the club.
We seem to always want what we can’t have, and the moment we can have it, it’s too easy.
Are we just caught up in finding the best of the best and think if we keep searching for it in Mr. No-Last-Name hottie from Saturday night over Steve Gill, Psych Student, 23, likes the books you read, the coffee joint you like, and texts you everyday that we are going to find the ultimate man?
Why aren’t we giving these star pupils in the class of class acts more credit?
Human nature might be at fault. It is common amongst all of us to have the unattainable urge to want what we can’t have.
In a study done by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, women were presented with a photo of a superbly attractive man. While half of these women were told this guy was single, the other half were told he was in a relationship.
59% of female participants were interested in pursuing this dream man, although this figure increased to 90% when they were under the impression he was in a relationship.
This study, with many others, prove to us that our nature for this unattainable desire is strong-willed and persistent.
Who knows what makes us naturally inclined to take on such a challenge, or why we are giving ourselves a hard time with men that aren’t treating us the way we deserve, because truly, there are men out there willing to give us the time of day.
This being said, I would like to take a moment to salute the lost boys, the ones we dismissed and “politely declined.” The ones we constructed the perfectly still-friendly, not-b****y “I’m sorry” text message to, only to inform him that we are just “not ready for a relationship right now.”
(Like, as if a boy is going to tell me I look beautiful while I’m stuffing popcorn down my throat laying in my bed in my sweatpants and still have sex with me, I’m not turning that s*** down! This is what being in a relationship means, right?)
These lost good boys are still out there and working to become someone’s knight in shining armour. They are sweet, smart, truly like you for who you are and take the time to get to know you.
They ask you on dates, they get the door for you, and here they are, lost because we couldn’t find them a home in our own lives.
Maybe we are all just doomed as humans and can't see a good thing when it's right in front of us.
But, then again, as sweet as you can recognize him being, it just doesn’t seem to feel right.
So, maybe this means we aren’t ready. We aren’t ready to let go of the chase just yet.
We are young and we are limber and we are ready to battle for what we want, I mean, as long as we come out in defeat and not stabbed in the heart.
Maybe it’s one big cycle, and with every girl who turns him down, that good boy is learning bit by bit how to be a little more suave, or a little less “keen.”
He’s still holding on to all those perfect traits but is using all of us bad girls as stepping-stones to grow and become those dream men you see other girls snatching up.
Here’s to the lost boys and their valiant efforts, their persistence, their good nature and their overall interest in treating us ladies with respect.
We love you, we appreciate you, we want to be your friend and sure enough, We know you're probably out there somewhere, being found.
Rebecca Cumming is a writer whose work has been featured on Unwritten and YourTango. For more of her content, visit her author profile.