This Is Why I'm Letting You Go
I need to be free of you.
Kaponia Aliaksei / Shutterstock By Kait MacKinnon
Here I am. I’m standing right here.
And I take a deep breath because I’m about to do something I never thought I’d have the strength or courage to do: I’m letting you go.
I’m letting you go because I’m tired.
I’m tired of trying so hard for someone who doesn’t care. I’m tired of getting my hopes up over and over only to be continuously knocked down.
I’m letting you go because I won’t let you walk all over me anymore.
I won’t let you take advantage of me only when it’s convenient for you. I won’t let you keep me hanging around just for you to drop me like I didn’t even matter.
I’m letting you go because you were never mine to begin with.
I can’t make you love me, no matter how hard I try. I can’t make you want me when you’re too busy wanting someone else — someone who isn’t worthy of your love.
I can no longer let you keep me hanging on, and I can’t keep letting myself do this because no matter what I do, she will always be number one and I will always be number two.
I’m letting you go because you aren’t worthy of my time, my effort, or my love.
I deserve more than someone who uses me as a last resort, who never asks how I’m doing, and someone who never goes out of their way to invite me anywhere.
I’m letting you go because I’m tired of feeling foolish.
I’m tired of listening to your friends and family make comments about the chemistry we have, yet you don’t do anything about it. I’m tired of you being upset about who I flirt with, who I date, and who I sleep with.
You don’t want me, yet you don’t want anyone else to have me. You don’t want to date me yet, yet you want to control me and manipulate my feelings.
I’m letting you go because I was stupid to think that I could change your mind.
I was naive to think that I was the exception and not the rule. I was dumb to believe any words you had ever said, especially since you never acted on any of them.
Actions speak louder than words. It doesn’t matter what you’ve said to me; it doesn’t matter how high you put yourself on a pedestal because your actions don’t back it up.
And finally, I’m letting you go because I need to. I need to be free of you.
I need to be free of your games and your unhealthy obsessions with people who no longer should play any kind of part in your life. I need to be free of your uncertainty because I know I would waste my life waiting for you.
So I’m setting fire to you. I’m setting fire to any hopes I had for a future with you, to our f***ed up relationship, and to feel inferior.
I’m burning up our memories and my feelings with it.
This is me, letting you go.
Kait MacKinnon is a writer who focuses on relationships, love, and mental health topics. Her work has been featured on Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and Thought Catalog.