I Still Love You But I Need To Walk Away
I don't want you to mistake my honesty for leaving you behind or out.
Andrey_rage / Shutterstock By Josie Griffith
I want to start by letting you know that it’s nothing that you did. Nothing that you could have done or said.
It’s not that I don’t want you. It’s only that I want more out of life than you can ever begin to give to me. I have to find it for myself.
I know that you would do anything for me and go anywhere with me, and that’s part of the problem.
I want to feel like you’re in it with me, not that you’re just standing beside me.
I look at my life and I feel that it’s only just starting. There is so much that I want to do and see. There is so much I want to experience.
I don’t want to sound cold or distant, but I’ve never been good at this.
You’re a good guy. I’ve known that from the start. I can tell how full your heart is when you look into my eyes; when you say my name.
But the thing is, I’m not here to save you. I’m not here to give you purpose. You have to find that for yourself, within yourself.
Pushing you away isn’t going to help anything, that much I know. I know that shutting you out is only going to make things worse.
But believe me when I say that it was never my intention to hurt you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. But I think that sometimes, the truth hurts more than we ever think it will.
You made my life brighter, you made my world better. But all of the sudden, I felt this weight inside of my heart.
I know that it’s not your job to guess or to make assumptions, and as much as I want you to be the right one, I don’t think you can be. At least not right now.
I don’t want you to hate me, but I know I have no control over that. I don’t want you to mistake my honesty for leaving you behind or out.
But I’ve given myself away enough times to know that sometimes, you have to take a step back and take a breath. Maybe that’s what I’m doing now.
By relying on you for so long, I lost pieces of myself that I wouldn’t even begin to know how to get back. That’s important to me.
I want all the best things for you. I want you to go out and do everything you want to do, but I can’t be the reason that you finally do better for yourself. The same goes for you.
I don’t know where we go from here. I wish I could tell you that it could all go back to the way it was before, but I think that at this point, that’s impossible.
I haven’t fallen out of love with you, I just think that I’m starting to learn who I am a little more.
If anything, I want to thank you for helping me understand that before I can be with you or anyone, I have to get right with myself.
I hope that you can understand and that you can forgive me one day. I hope that you take this not as a lesson, but only as a little push to find out what makes you the happiest.
Josie is a blogger and lifestyle writer living in Baltimore, Maryland. She's a contributor to Unwritten, Thought Catalog, Puckermob, and more. Follow her on Twitter or Facebook.