What I Wish My Parents Told Me About Sex And Sexuality
Who you are dating doesn't define your sexuality. Sexuality is a way that we identify ourselves.
Nomad Soul / Shutterstock By Adele Espy
Maybe I’m alone in this, but I wish my parents hadn’t told me what sex would feel like. I also wish they hadn’t told me what an orgasm would feel like.
As a child, I thought there was something wrong with me. When the topic of sex came up, I would always leave the room. I couldn’t handle the idea.
When peers asked me out on a date, I quickly shut them down. But then, I found out what asexuality is.
And I am asexual — not aroused by sex.
The reason that it was so hard for me to realize this is that asexuals compose about 1 percent of the population. And it’s one of the sexualities that’s rarely talked about.
What I do wish my parents had told me about sex is that sexuality is fluid.
It can change depending on the person or situation, and it can also change over the years.
Who you are dating doesn’t define your sexuality. Sexuality is a way that we identify ourselves.
But it can change. And every identity is OK.
In this time and place, I consider myself asexual. What’s more, I have something called sex-aversion or sex-repulsion, which means that sexual acts make me disinterested and repulsed.
This is common for someone who is not aroused by sex. But I didn’t know that as a teenager and a young 20-year-old.
I just thought that my sexuality button was broken or simply turned off.
I wasn’t attracted to anyone and didn’t start dating until I was 26 years old.
Nevertheless, I only dated because the other person was attracted to me, not because I was attracted to them sexually.
However, I am still romantic and monogamous — I just don’t like sex.
I like holding hands, cuddling, and sharing space with someone I love. I like taking my partner out for dinner dates, and I like to be in relationships.
My sexuality could change as I age, but it might not. And I’m okay with that.
I wish my parents had explained that sexuality can look differently for everyone.
I was taught that there were gay, lesbian, and straight people. But that leaves out so many other groups of people.
There are so many ways one can be in regards to sexuality.
For instance, you can be pansexual, demisexual, queer, bisexual, questioning... the list goes on and on. These are just some of the most common terms.
While I don’t wish my parents shared more about sex with me, I do wish there had been more discussion and a deeper understanding of sexuality in our society when I was younger.
But luckily, children today will have much more information since we continue to learn and be more understanding.
There are so many ways to feel and so many ways to identify. All are acceptable and perfectly okay to be, feel, and identify with.
The judgment when it comes to these terms is there because of fear and misunderstanding.
There truly is no shame in being whatever you are. Moreover, it’s also okay to change.
What matters is that you are following your heart, your passion, and your intuition. It will not lead you astray.
Adele Espy is a writer who focuses on topics of health and wellness, sexuality, and self-care. For more of her content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.