What It's Like Being A Bisexual Woman Dating A Straight Man
I know who I am no matter what everyone else thinks.
Joshua Resnick / Shutterstock By Bethany Casey
I read online the other day that over half of bisexual people all over the world end up dating and settling down with heterosexual people of the opposite gender. Who knows the exact reasoning behind this, maybe it just boils down to that there are more straight people to choose from.
However, most people think it has to do with the fact that bisexuality doesn’t even exist — that it’s just a middle phase before “becoming straight again” or “choosing to be gay.”
I’ve heard that same argument a thousand times over and I still find it laughable that there are people out there who really think being bisexual is not a real thing.
Being bisexual, I'd always thought it didn't really matter who I dated.
I didn’t care if they were male or female as long as there was a connection, but it seems that many people feel the need for bisexuals to keep proving they’re still bisexual or it somehow invalidates their sexuality.
I’ve been in a relationship with a man for three years, and it doesn’t bother me when people assume I’m straight. It seems that way, so there’s no problem.
But I get a steady stream of people asking me if I’m straight again. And when I say no, they ask if I’m seeing a girl too!
People always assume that once I’ve committed to a relationship, I’ve committed to a new sexuality and a new identity to go along with it.
I’m lucky this time that I can be open and honest with my partner about who I am, but dating straight guys usually brings up a few problems.
Even from the beginning, just trying to tell the man you’re dating about your sexuality can be one of the scariest things you have to do. Most men will just assume you’re straight because you’re involved with them, which as I said is fine, but I’d want the person I’m seeing to know who I really am.
It’s hard, because admitting something about yourself could change everything and make somebody see you in a different light and make some pretty horrible assumptions about you.
I’ve had guys ask me the old classic, "Can you invite another one of your bi mates into the bedroom?" — which is great and all, but it’s not usually a first date conversation. Or it can swing the other way and they can tell me to pick a side because they’re not comfortable with their girlfriend being interested in another girl.
My answer is always, if I was interested in another person, boy or girl, I wouldn’t be here with you. Just because I could possibly be attracted to another female doesn’t mean I currently am.
Some guys feel the need to ask if they’ve "turned you" yet, like it’s some type of contest. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter how loving or sweet or sexy you are, you won’t change a girl’s sexuality by forcing it onto her.
Even if I were to marry a man, that wouldn’t mean that I’ve finally picked my side; I would still be the exact same sexuality as I was before, I just happened to find somebody, a person, who I love and want to be with.
Another huge problem is the distrust it can bring onto you.
Most guys get a bit "put out" when their girlfriend is spending time with her own guy mates, but when you’re bisexual, an insecure person sees everybody as a potential threat.
I have beautiful friends, both male and female, and I have no interest in sleeping with any of them. And whilst that’s more a trust issue than a problem with dating straight men, it definitely makes the problem even bigger.
While dating a straight guy has its problems, it’s also amazing. I don’t wish I could date a woman too, or be with one instead because I’m happy in my relationship.
I don’t need to validate myself or question if my sexuality has changed because of the person I’m with. I know who I am no matter what everyone else thinks.
Besides, we can sit and drool over Mila Kunis together and I don’t think there is a better bonding activity than that.
Bethany Casey is a writer whose work has appeared in Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Unwritten. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.