Stop Telling Women That 'There's Never A Right Time To Have Kids'
This basically suggests that women should never have kids.
getty By Natalie Trznadel
Today, everybody’s swift to weigh in on other people’s life choices.
Despite the push for equal rights, people still judge women for their decisions. We tell them how to dress, how much to weigh, when they should marry, and when to have children.
But telling women when they should procreate is particularly dangerous, as it implies that there is a right or a wrong time to create their own families. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
There’s never a right time or the wrong time for anything in life. There’s simply a time. The suggestion that there’s a special moment for every single achievement in life could not be more absurd.
Life is a compilation of moments and actions. There’s never a good time for anything, be it obtaining a university degree, jumping into a relationship, planning a wedding, or birthing children, nor is there a bad one. We simply do things.
When we map out every moment of our lives, those extra-special moments lose significance. Spontaneity makes life worth living. Since we never quite know what will happen, life is constantly exciting. The fact that we can make decisions when we want to make them adds uniqueness to our journey.
Having children is a choice. Women already stress over performing and behaving in certain ways. Imposing deadlines and a time for childbirth puts additional pressure on women to settle down and start families.
It’s way easier for men to decide to have a baby. They simply “do it,” then continue their lives with a child.
Women, on the other hand, don’t have such an easy time. They put their careers on hold at least for a few months, their bodies go through major changes, and they must fight to maintain their own identity.
All this makes it an impossibly hard decision without even factoring the "when" aspect of it. That’s why it’s so important to understand that the time to do these things is everyone’s own choice.
Telling women that there’s “never a right time” to have kids basically suggests that they should never have them.
Some women consciously choose to stay childfree, but others want to have a family. Childbirth is a personal choice that doesn’t require an outsider’s opinion. It doesn’t matter if a woman has her first baby in her early 20s or waits until she’s turning 40. She should be able to decide without others’ pressure and judgement.
It’s not that there’s never a right time to have children — there’s actually always a right time.
No matter when or what you want to do, the time is now, and you just have to do it. If having a family is what you want, then do it.
You’re never going to be truly happy if you don’t do what you’re meant to do. You’re always going to be told that it’s not the right time, and you’re always going to feel that way. There are always going to be doubts in your mind, you’re always going to be worried about the money, you’re always going to wonder if you’re going to be a good parent.
However, the truth is that no one knows for sure that they can do it. They simply do it. Because that’s what their hearts desire.
So, if you want to start a family, do so on your own terms.
People will always weigh in on when the “right” time is, but remember that there’s always the right time to make your dreams of motherhood come true. Simply take that leap of faith and make sure it agrees with you inside. That’s the only right way to make any major life decision.
Remember, it’s your life and your choice.
Natalie Trznadel is a writer and editor whose work has been featured on Unwritten, Thought Catalog, and YourTango. Follow her on Instagram or on Twitter for more.