Always The Bridesmaid, Never The MOH: What It's Like To Not Have A Best Friend
You’re not doomed because you haven’t grown up with a sandbox pal for life.
michaelheim / shutterstock By Rachel Connell
I’ve always been the outgoing-yet-still-kind-of-introverted type. I’ve never felt a severe shortage of friends or lack of support in my life, and you never really know where I’ll be found in my day-to-day, be it amongst the crowd at a Football game, or alone in my room with a good book.
I guess this side of me echoed pretty well in my journey through the social sphere on a mission to make friends.
I’ve never known what it was like to have that one ride-or-die, go-to gal in my life that I called my very best friend and shared countless hours ranting over FaceTime with.
My many friends have always been there to shape me into who I was in different moments and different settings through time. But I can’t help but feel sad to admit that I have never had the consistent Blair and Serena friendship that every other girl seems to have.
They say college is where you’ll meet your friends for life, and I truly believe that I have. But as for finding my soulmate among my girlfriends — they’re all great; how could I choose just one?
I haven’t stayed in touch with friends from high school like many people do, and we’ve simply grown out of each others’ lives. Our interests don’t line up anymore, our dedication to staying in touch has vastly faded from both parties, and I’m content having multiple social spheres where I fit in.
If you’re feeling like this is all too familiar, and you’ve been beating yourself up for years while you consider tossing out a “Hi, I’m searching for a BFF” Craigslist ad on the web, you need these words of reassurance why being the friend, but never the best friend, is actually totally okay:
1. You’re not tied down to any one of your interests.
Free bird is your middle name, and you can totally live up to it.
You love sports, reading, art, astronomy, music, and cooking. You don’t need to compromise any one of these interests for the other.
You can choose who you want to spend time with, when you want to do it, and you have the freedom to build a whole galaxy of connections with a ton of like-minded people, not just one.
2. You’re not doomed to never meet your soulmate.
Maybe your soulmate lies in the body of someone you kiss, live with, and perhaps even marry. Maybe your soulmate can truly be the love of your life in a romantic way.
You’re not doomed because you haven’t grown up with a sandbox pal for life. There’s still someone out there yearning for your eclectic love, and you’ll find them when the time is right.
3. You’re a good friend regardless.
You don’t have to be a part of someone’s top 5 list on Snapchat to be a good friend to many. You love all of your friends and would take a bullet for any one of them.
Being a great friend doesn’t mean being around 24/7 and suiting the labels of “best friend.” You’re already someone’s rock, someone’s safe place, and someone’s escape from a bad day.
The difference is, you have the ability to be this for many people, not just one.
4. You’re individualistic and goal-oriented.
You know what your personal goals for the future are, and although you’ve appreciated the support and dependency on all of your amazing friends over the years, you’re okay with a fair amount of me-time to make sure you’ve set independent goals and dreams for yourself.
5. There’s no dramatic heartbreak when things change.
Friendships come and go, but nothing is worse than the feeling of losing someone you invested time, energy, and heart into.
When people dramatically change, you won’t be caught in between a rock and a hard place; you’ll know your worth and chase after what you deserve.
6. It’s healthy to be your own solace.
Being your own support system, and having a hard enough shell to conquer whatever life throws your way, will be the best thing you can give yourself.
Sometimes, people will disappoint you, and you need to know how to pick yourself up when they do.
7. You simply don’t need to be exclusive.
The more you beat yourself up over not having one single person that you spend all your time with, the more you’re going to overthink it and put yourself out there for someone who you may not even like that much.
You don’t need to be exclusive with anyone. Be young and be free.
You see, being a friend is much more than the labels and achievements that being the best friend comes with; it’s being the kind of friend you want to have. Possession and obsession over any one person aren’t healthy, and you should feel grateful for the many lives and paths you’ve crossed and touched.
You’re diverse, and all-encompassing of the best friend in many of us. You’re the kind of super-hero that isn’t a best friend to one, but an amazing friend to many.
While always the bridesmaid and never the maid-of-honor, you’re in for a long, love-filled ride with hundreds of caring individuals backing you up.
Rachel Connell is a writer who has been published in The Huffington Post and Unwritten. For more of her content, visit her author profile.