How To Be The Perfect Co-Maid Of Honor For An Unforgettable Wedding
It's all about the bride.
stylish pics / shutterstock Brides have many loved ones in their life and picking a maid of honor can become complicated. For this reason alone, don't be alarmed if she asks you to be a co-maid of honor for her wedding.
Weddings are meant to be a celebration of love, so leaving people out and choosing favorites doesn’t feel representative of that message.
It is becoming more common for brides to have not just one, but two maids of honor so that they don’t have to choose between people they feel so close to and want involved in the planning process.
As meaningful as it is to be chosen as a bridesmaid, co-maid of honor duties go above and beyond. It's typically the maid of honor who has the most responsibilities and assists the bride on the wedding day and throughout her engagement.
My sister is getting married next summer. She is one of my two sisters, and she didn’t want to decide between our other sister and me for the maid of honor role. So, my sister and I are co-maids of honor.
This dynamic has proven to be tricky when it comes to keeping the balance and peace while still being there for our bride sister.
My co-maid of honor and I have clashed our whole lives, but we are both very near and dear to the bride. Just because we are two of her favorite people doesn’t mean that we are each other’s favorite people.
But this wedding is not about either of us, it’s entirely about our sister, the bride — so we’ve had to learn how to put our differences aside for her sake.
Co-Maid of Honor Duties
For any trios in a similar position, here's how to approach (and share) this oh-so-important role.
Know your strengths and weaknesses.
My co-maid of honor and I are starkly different people. While this fact has contributed to why our relationship isn’t always so great, it is also why the bride needs us both.
I am the creative and bold sister. The bride told me that she knows I’ll keep things fun and will make the wedding unique and pretty.
My co-maid of honor is the responsible sister. She can get things done and is practical about what is actually doable versus unrealistic, fantasy plans.
Can you guess our birth order? Yeah, she’s the oldest and I’m the youngest. While our age difference not only explains our personalities, it also comes through our financial stability.
People have different jobs that pay different salaries. Weddings are not meant to guilt anyone into overextending what they are able to give. If one maid of honor is more financially viable than the other, it’s okay for her to give more in that area because the other will be able to provide in a different way.
For example, I am in charge of all of the DIY crafts for decorations and party favors because I know how to make what I cannot buy.
Consult with the bride.
The bride is of the utmost importance in this sort of situation. The maids of honor exist to help her execute her vision. The bride is also the one bringing the maids of honor together for reasons that she decided.
If you're unsure of what your role is when you have to share it, ask the bride what she wants from you and what she wants from the other maid of honor. This will help divvy up the responsibilities fairly. It may not be an equal distribution, but it will be what the bride wants.
My bride sister told me from the beginning that she wants me to be the one to plan the bachelorette party. She knows that I will make it fun and something that she and her friends will enjoy. But, she wants the other maid of honor to deal with any vendors that the bride doesn’t want to take on herself.
Our sister is authoritative and is good at being assertive and not taking no for an answer when necessary. If there are any hiccups, she can deal with them while I pour the bride a glass of wine.
Consult with your co-maid of honor.
Make sure that you and your co-maid of honor are on the same page. Even if the two of you don’t have a particularly smooth relationship, you do need to figure out how to work together.
This conversation may be about your relationship, or maybe it’s just an agreement to not talk about your relationship. You need to be clear about what is expected of each of you and what you both need from each other.
Having this conversation, even if uncomfortable in the moment, is good for the two of you to set boundaries so that everything can be as pleasant as possible and not stressful for the bride.
Remember this wedding is not about you.
Weddings are about the bride and groom. Sure, it is a great opportunity to bring the families together and see loved ones who live far away, but ultimately it is about the bride and groom, their union, and what they want on their special day.
Any drama between you and your co-maid of honor, or anyone at the wedding, needs to be put aside. You may not be thrilled about sharing the maid of honor role, but it is not your decision to make.
Keep your focus on the bride and your drama won’t seem as important.
When it’s your turn to plan your wedding you can have it however you want. At someone else’s wedding, you have to accommodate their wants and needs.
Colleen Fogarty is a writer who covers self-care, astrology, and relationship topics.