When, How And What To Text After A First Date
How soon should you text him?
Astarot / Shutterstock You’ve finally gone on a first date that wasn’t terrible, and you’d love to see them again to see where things go. But how soon should you text them after your date and what are the official texting after-first date rules? Should you follow them on Instagram? Friend them on Facebook? If you do text them, what should you even say?
Dating is hard enough on its own but when you throw texting and social media into the mix, things can really get confusing. No one wants to seem too available or clingy, but you also don’t want this person to think you didn’t have a good time if you did.
Follow these official texting and social media rules to make sure you don't pass up a great opportunity to start something new.
When to text them after a first date
If the date went well and you'd like to see them again, yes absolutely! Texting them after the first date will let them know that you're interested and had a fun time.
Try to remember that guys can get just as nervous as we do when it comes to first dates. They might wait for a text from you to get a grasp on whether the date went well or not. At the very least, what do you have to lose? Text them and see where it goes!
Even if your date went terribly wrong it’s still polite to send them a text rather than ghost them.
If you have no intention of ever seeing this person again be upfront with them. When asked to go on a second date, tell them that you realized you aren’t in a place in life to be starting anything new.
Although this may be a bit of a lie, it’s a much nicer alternative to ghosting someone that might have high hopes of seeing you again.
How soon is too soon to text after a first date?
When it comes to texting, it really depends on what you’re looking for and how the date went.
If you’re just looking for a fling then It might be a good idea to wait a little longer to send a text and when you do, try to keep it short and casual.
If this is strictly a friends-with-benefits situation, it might even be a good idea to wait to text them until you’re ready to see them again.
If you’re more interested in a relationship then the rules are a little more complicated.
It really depends on how well the date went. If it was clear that you both had an awesome time and really hit it off, don’t hesitate to reach out even as soon as the next day.
If you want to wait a little longer because you had a good time but you’re unsure if they did as well, give it two or three days. Any longer than that might give off the impression that you’re not really interested or that texting them was an afterthought.
If you’re thinking that this is too soon to text someone, it may be a good idea to reevaluate the situation. Do you feel like it’s too soon because you got the vibe that they weren’t looking for anything serious? If so, take some time to reflect on what you are really looking for and try to find someone whose intentions are in alignment with yours.
If a guy is going to get scared off because you sent them a short text saying you enjoyed the date, then there is a likely chance he is not relationship material. If that is a dealbreaker for them, they are probably too immature to be spending any real amount of effort on it.
What to text after a first date
But what should you say? Sending something short and sweet will make it clear that you’re interested without coming off as clingy.
Try saying something like “Hey I had a great time last night, we should do it again soon.” This makes it known that you are interested in going on a second date and puts the ball in their court.
If they paid for your meal you could say something along the lines of “Thanks again for dinner, I had a great time!” Both of these texts let the other person know you want to see them again and gives them the opportunity to ask you out again.
Examples of what to send after a first date:
1. "I've been thinking about you since we left. Did you make it home safely?"
2. "Have an amazing day. Mine will be, and I have you to thank for that."
3. "I have a full schedule at work this week, but I am completely free Saturday. We should try that lunch spot you mentioned."
4. "I can't stop playing the song you told me about. I laughed as I imagined you doing your dance to the beat."
5. "I am so glad you made things comfortable. I was nervous, but immediately felt calm around you."
6. "You suggested an amazing restaurant. Now it's your turn to go where I'd like. Meet soon?"
7. "I haven't laughed like that in forever! I can't wait to do it again."
8. "Coffee on me? I pass your favorite cafe on my morning commute. Meet me there."
9. "Let me know when I can take you up on that offer to show me (insert something great they mentioned). When are you free?"
10. "I watched that documentary on Netflix you told me about. We have to discuss this in person!!!"
When should you ask for a second date?
Let’s say that everything went well, the date went well, they texted you back with enthusiasm, and now it’s time to plan a second date. If you’re really interested in this person, it might be tempting to plan your second date as soon as possible.
Try to refrain from doing this and give a minimum of a three-day break in between dates. This will allow you to take things at a healthy pace and develop more things to talk about.
If you schedule your second date right after the first you could both end up feeling a little awkward because you can’t even ask easy questions like "how has your week been?" because you just saw each other twenty-four hours ago.
It’s also an icebreaker to try to plan something that was mentioned on the first date. Instead of just grabbing dinner or a drink, try to engage in a hobby you showed a mutual interest in. If your date mentioned that they loved rock climbing, plan a date at a rock-climbing park.
This will help to make you both feel more at ease and create an opportunity to have fun with less pressure.
When should you follow them on social media?
Sending a text and following them on Instagram could come across as being a little too interested. You also don’t know yet how things are going to go, and you don’t want your social media following to become a list of guys you only went on one date with.
If things go well and you end up going on a few more dates, then it would be considered totally normal to follow them or send a friend request.
Above all, let things happen naturally.
In all of the official texting after the first date rules are set aside; things should flow fairly naturally if you’re both interested in each other. Don’t forget that they very well could text you first and you might not even have to stress. Regardless try to relax, have fun, and be yourself.
Lindsey Matthews is an editorial intern who focuses on relationships, entertainment, and pop culture.