How To Slide Into DMs (Successfully)
A careful art that can lead you straight to the one if you know what you are doing.
ImYanis / Shutterstock Figuring out how to slide into DMs successfully is a tricky art. It takes a combination of etiquette, circumstance, and charm to pull off the move without seeming like a creep.
Not all hope is lost, though. Take Ben Higgins 2017 Bachelor suitor, for example. It seemed after his split with winner Lauren Bushnell, luck was not on his side when it came to love and relationships.
But come 2020, Higgins has a new girl: he and fiancée Jessica Clarke announced their engagement via Instagram, the very site that brought them together. According to Higgins, the two had been talking ever since he slid into her DMs in 2019. The two were both in Nashville when Higgins saw a photo of Clarke with one of his favorite hockey teams.
“I successfully slid into her DM’s a few months ago. I took a risk and I am glad I did. She is someone special, and I look forward to where life is going to take us.” he shared, after going public with his relationship with Clarke in 2019 on Instagram.
But of course, we aren’t all successful reality TV stars with a huge following. DMs can easily get buried, especially if they come from complete strangers.
Not to mention, women also have to deal with so many creepy, borderline stalkerish messages from men, that it makes them less inclined to take a chance on that new rando that just pinged them an hour ago.
But sliding into the DMs doesn’t need to be nerve-wracking if you know what to do.
It is all in the personality; you have to do what you can to stand out from the crowd.
The very first message shouldn’t comment on their appearance.
You should have some conversation starters prepared that don't have to do with looks. Not only does this feel a little surface level, but it also doesn’t take the conversation further. Especially if they have a larger social media following, they probably get tons of messages on their looks, their body.
It makes it very clear from the start that you only appreciate one thing, and that one thing will not take the DM correspondence that far. Also, what is your potential new interest supposed to reply back, “thanks?”
Find something you have in common.
Take notice of what they are actually doing in their photos, or comment on a similar interest you two seem to have based on their page.
For example, even though Ben Higgins is a reality TV show superstar, he started the conversation by pointing out the hockey team in Clarke’s photo, allowing the two to bond from there.
Clarke also makes her faith a priority on her Instagram, her bio says: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” By bonding over their mutual love of hockey and their religion, they were able to take the relationship somewhere deeper, beyond Instagram small talk.
Make your account public.
If you want your potential new partner to respond to you, they have to know who you are. A blurry, tiny circle headshot in which they can barely see your face will probably not work.
It is easy to get huffy and think the DM slide can only work with someone with clout or a huge following, but more importantly, with many celebrity couples, their page tells a lot about who they are.
If your page is public and looks neat, and not outrageously offensive — you make it easy for your potential interest to get to know you. When your page makes them comfortable, they might be more inclined to respond back.
Bring up mutual friends.
Not exactly the stuff of romance, but it can be comforting to know you guys can get along with the same people.
Mutual friends bring a stranger on the internet closer to your fold.
For example, even though Nick Jonas constantly beats himself up for how dumb he sounded in his first DM to now-wife Priyanka Chopra, in which he said, “I'm hearing from a few mutual friends that we should meet,” he got the coveted reply back: “My team can read this. Why don't you just text me.”
And now, the quick exchange led to one of the most iconic couples of the decade. Who said dropping names wasn’t useful?
Be forward (but not forceful) in your first message.
The best messages are just straight to the point; from the recipient, it can be comforting to know that the sender knows what they want.
For example, Manrepeller reports on a couple that couple that has been together for over 1.5 years now and live in Minneapolis together. Their romance started with a personal ad Angela submitted to queer submission-based Instagram account @_personals_
Noble, after “thirst-following” Angela, messaged: “I hope you don’t mind getting a message from a stranger, but I loved your personal ad, and I’m coming to MN in six weeks for a conference—what do you think about getting a drink?”
The message was grammatically correct, to the point, and suggested a future plan. Amazing! No wonder it worked — sometimes it isn’t necessary to overthink the first message to the point of obsession, sometimes it is just worth it to go for it.
Jessica Xing is a writer who covers love, relationships, culture, and media.