10 Spiritual Practices That Will Help You Get Over A Bad Breakup
Any break-ups are a difficult process to get through, which is why we should lean on God the most.
Andrea Piacquadio via @pexels Let’s be real, breakups are a long, hard journey to get through, but certain spiritual practices can help you move on with your life and heal.
When we end a relationship that has impacted our lives, it’s going to be tough to get through.
When you breakup with someone it will feel as though a piece of you is missing.
Because you’ve shared yourself with someone else, your heart feels torn apart.
Your vulnerability was in the hands of someone you’ve cared deeply about.
So how do you reshift and start a new life without the person you loved?
There are spiritual practices you can begin to bring yourself back into a state of wholeness, post-breakup.
It’s time to delete your love song playlist you made together so that you can create your own album of songs.
Separation and isolation are the acts we provoke the most after any break-ups.
You may feel that you’re a burden to others, by constantly breaking down over your ex.
Let me remind you that true family and friends will not perceive your breakup and need for help as a burden.
They’ll be in the kitchen fixing you a cup of hot chamomile tea with honey to help you get through it.
Don’t disconnect and tell yourself that it’s better for others, when in fact it’s not the best for you.
Consequently, you’ll drown your heart in sorrow instead of giving your pain to God.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you... Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." — John 14:27
As someone who already had her fair share of pain from a break-up; I’ve learned that it wasn’t me, but instead, it was God. At first, it felt as though that part of my journey was a waste of time.
Although that chapter of my relationship came to an end, my journey of self-reflection was God’s way of preparing me for the future.
Funny enough, the best advice I received was from my ex.
He encouraged me to focus on my relationship with God and set small goals for a self-care routine.
This type of pain is the kind only God can put a bandaid on.
Let God always be the ultimate security that never fails.
The wiring of our minds, for most of us, never intend on breaking up. Daydreaming about a potential wedding, new house, and family are the things we’re frantically longing for.
Primarily, getting through break-ups is letting God remind us, that He’s our security and everlasting companionship.
Here are ten spiritual practices that can help you get through a bad breakup.
1. Cry.
Go out for a walk or gaze out into the world to shed some tears.
Crying only proves that the relationship was real and that you’re showing God's vulnerability.
Seek peace in the fact that you’ve at least experienced a bittersweet relationship that God gave us because what may have seemed good had to be let go.
In each relationship we take on, God always has planned for us to get a lesson out of it.
Expressing sorrow in the midst is good for the process.
We all go through break-ups so that God shows us that something was missing, that was steering you away from Him.
2. Wait.
Dating again too soon can lead to an addiction for affection.
In the twenty-first century, we have easy access to online dating, that’s made it accessible to quickly find someone new.
Dating apps like tinder, Christian Mingle, Bumble, and more helps us connect to others both globally and nationally.
Dating too quickly cannot only hurt ourselves, but also God, our exes, and our future partners.
You don’t have to be dating to focus on moving forward toward marriage.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10
3. Pray.
Let the season of singleness be a time for you to grow closer to God.
Expressing gratitude throughout my day became religious for me.
Of course, there will still be rough patches to get through, I knew that by counting my blessings, my heart would be filled with God’s promises for me.
A simple twenty-minute drive while listening to Christian music, meditation, and yoga.
Or you can try reading self-care books like ‘The Self Care Prescription,’ motivated me to keep moving forward.
4. Feel.
As long as death exists, so will pain which is why we should love anyways.
“To love is to be vulnerable” — C.S Lewis.
Even though break-ups can cause an enormous amount of pain, it doesn’t mean we should keep our hearts locked up and prevent it from being shattered again.
We build resilience to challenging moments in our lives so that we can grow and change our perspectives for the good.
No matter how many people we text, sleep, hand out with friends, or binge-watch our favorite shows, our hearts are still wounded by the end of the day.
This is to say that being sad is actually a healing process for your heart.
Resist being cynical falling in love again, because no matter who or what you love, we all have to deal with brokenness.
It’s an honor to love someone even if there comes a time of losing them.
There was one time my ex and I were out having coffee, because we remained friends, and we both shared the same thoughts of our break-up.
We realized that it was an honor to have loved each other, without worrying about disloyalty, abuse, or miscommunication.
Not everyone gets the chance to love like that, and we are thankful that we experienced a clean relationship.
5. Think.
Prioritize God and your time.
One of the pros of being single is that you have a ton of free time.
One of the ways I used my free time was getting up early before work to do yoga or meditation.
When you no longer have anyone’s baggage to carry, you’re able to sit silently to invite God’s serenity into your home or apartment.
Other ways to use your free time are reading scriptures and listening to sermons.
I recommend either Carl Lentz or Steven Furtick. Grab a guitar and feel fear to write your own songs, connect with family and friends, or even hit the road for new adventures.
During your season of singleness, you’re not pressured to consider someone else’s time.
You have all the time to pray, go on those retreats you’ve been putting off, or surround yourself by people who embrace the love of God.
6. Listen.
Listen to uplifting music to help reconnect with God.
It can be too easy for us to play any Alec Benjamin song if we need sad, subtle songs playing in the background.
Listening to positive music motivates us to look at life differently. "Underdog" by Alecia Keys is my personal favorite when I need a reminder to keep moving forward in life.
Hillsong and Bethel will always come through with great worship music.
They offer you beautiful, soothing music to get in a moment with God and feel his presence.
Here are some other worship songs that help you fight through the pain and trust God.
"Desert Song" by Hillsong
"Ever Be (Live)" by Bethel Music & Kalley
"God Only Knows" by King & Country (Timbaland Remix)
"Way Maker (Single Version)" by Leeland
"Come As You Are" by Crowder
7. Seek wisdom.
Break-ups don’t mean that you failed but instead bring you clarity.
Why do we assume that we’ve failed at something after a break-up?
Thinking of it as us becoming closer to our future spouse.
Let this be a learning experience, where God wants to bring clarity in your life, about the kind of partner you want in the future.
We all want to pray that God sends us the Mr. or Mrs right, but instead, we should just pray for them.
Praying that God helps move through them so that they can learn to trust Him in his or her journey.
This is a wonderful practice to refocus on others and not ourselves.
Here are some books from amazon I recommend reading about how to pray for your future spouse if you’re unsure where to start.
- 40 Scripture-based Prayer to Prayer Over Your Wife by Kaylene Yoder
- 31 Prayers for My Future Husband by Jennifer Smith
- 31 Prayers for My Future Wife by Aaron Smith & Jennifer Smith
8. Ponder.
Change the questions you ask of God.
Asking God questions with the words ‘Why’ or ‘What ifs’ can lead us to dread our situation, instead of finding the blessing out of it.
We miss the time that we have to ask God healthier questions, like “How can I trust you more, God?” or “How do you want me to find joy out of this?”
These are the questions that will help us grow our relationship with God.
With ‘Why’ questions we may never know the answers to certain endings but God does.
Accepting that things are the way they are now, is one the healthiest acts for us to practice.
Afterward, we can then look to God to start planning on how to move forward from the circumstances.
9. Seek purpose.
Refocus on your purpose in your new life.
There’s a reason why God has given you more free time. This is the free time I mean to pursue your goals and passion.
God has a way of shining a new light, that helps us see versions of ourselves we didn’t know existed.
Perhaps you’ve been building your life on what your boyfriend or girlfriend wanted, instead of what God wanted.
Grab a One Year Bible and start refocusing your relationship with God, and what He has put on your heart in this world.
When we date someone for so long, it may feel like they become a part of our identity.
Then when you both polarize, you feel like your identity has been thrown away or expired.
When we are reminded that we are uniquely and wonderfully made in God’s eyes, then it motivates us to find ourselves during the season of singleness.
When we rely on God to provide us comfort and joy, then our identity is in Christ who will never abandon us.
10. Rebuild.
Understanding the triangle method for future relationships.
One day, while I was having coffee at Martin City’s Coffee in KC, MO, I had come across a Christian woman, named Samantha, after my break-up.
She invited me to meet her the second time to talk about God and our goals in life.
Samantha, who was already married to her husband for a couple of years, explained to me about the triangle method.
She used both of her index fingers to represent two people.
“Too often we believe we have to search for our partners, when in fact we have to search for God.
Like a pyramid, if we constantly move up, then we’re eventually going to stop at the pinnacle.
There is where we’ll meet the person that God has promised us for marriage.”
I was so thankful that God sent Samantha to talk to me while we shared a pitcher of Jasmine-honey tea.
If we align ourselves with God, then our hearts will belong to Him as well as our vulnerability.
Even after you read this, perhaps you’ll break-up one or two more times.
Your heart will be challenged in every direction until we learn to look towards God, and who holds our future and our marriage.
Sofia Stewart is a writer who covers spirituality, pop culture, love, and relationship topics.