Newsflash: You're Allowed To Be Heartbroken Over Him
Don't keep your feelings inside.
Remy_Loz via Unsplash By Brittany Christopoulos
My heart has been destroyed. I feel like I’m at the lowest point in my life. I’m heartbroken. My trust has been betrayed, my loyalty was used, and my feelings were made to feel like a joke. I can’t get much lower than this.
And in a desperate search for reassurance, validation, and comfort, I’ve chosen to lean on you for that support.
I don’t need you to remind me to just “get over him” eight million times. I’m allowed to be heartbroken. And I am allowed to not be capable of moving on flawlessly.
At the end of the day, he sweet-talked me into loving him and I believed his every word. He made me believe that I mattered to him.
It shattered my heart to find out I didn’t. How can I forget about that or move on from this type of pain overnight?
You might not agree, but I can’t stop crying about it, even though I know he’s not worth my tears. I’ll dry my eyes out every day, simply because that’s who I am and how I cope with things.
I won’t feel bad for how I deal with my pain, nor will I apologize for it.
I know I don’t need him, but that doesn’t mean I want him any less. It’s messed up that, despite the pain he’s caused, he’s all I ever think about. He’s still what I crave.
It’s natural for me to want him, because he helped cure my pain before. It’s a twisted cycle I wish I could break, but the wounds are too fresh to recover from at this time.
If you were a true friend, you’d know that, when I’m comfortable with you, I will most certainly show my emotions. I can’t hide them, no matter how hard I try.
If you knew me well enough, you’d know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t always feel the pressure to pretend I’m fine, nor do I hide my pain behind a smile.
Just let me look like an ugly, crying mess in sweatpants. I also know that “boys don’t mean a thing,” but this one does.
Look, I know that single life isn’t bad, but I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I get upset over things, and I just need to hear that it’ll be okay and that this pain will eventually pass.
If I hear “he doesn’t matter” one more time before I’m ready to hear it, I will lose my mind.
My reputation and my pride are always so strong. I know I’m acting out of character, so please be patient through this mini phase of “weakness.” This isn’t who I am and who you’re used to.
So, I understand it might be strange to see me like this. However, please just be a supportive friend and be there for me through this hard time. Even the strongest of people need help sometimes.
It would be great to get over him so easily, but I can’t bring my heart to do that quite yet.
So please, stop telling me to get over him so soon. I’m allowed to be heartbroken and am entitled to feel that way.
I know I’ll get over him one day and laugh about how stupid I was for dating him — let alone how dumb I was for feeling as hurt as I am now. But in the moment, you feel differently and that’s how life is.
Today is just not the day, and I just want to bask in my misery. I’ll reminisce over the good times and distract myself from recognizing the bad until I’m ready.
But I have to get through the bad days to get to the happy ones. So, let me be freaking heartbroken about it.
Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on relationships, dating, and love. For more of her relationship content, visit her Twitter page.