2 Reasons Why Women End Up Settling Down With Men They Aren't Attracted To
Why settle for less than you deserve?
Artyom Kim on Unsplash Women settle for men they aren't attracted to all the time, but why? Is it because they aren't shallow and can see through to a guy's great personality? Or is it because some women feel less confident in relationships with men who are too attractive?
Self-confidence is a huge deal for many women — especially when it comes to social media. Expectations are high — we see near-perfect people with perfect bodies in ads and through our friends' and followers' posts — we feel like we have to be perfect to "get the guy" of our dreams.
We insist on comparing ourselves to other women who are skinnier, prettier, taller, have clearer skin or better hair. It's hard to find a single female who is completely happy and satisfied with her looks and her body.
Men play a big part in this. Unfortunately, a lot of women tend to base their self-confidence off of the opinion of men — whether or not a boy asks them out or pays them attention or compliments or flirts with them.
Obviously, it feels good to have someone pay attention to you and to know that someone is attracted to you, even If that feeling is superficial. You feel like you’re pretty and desired and all of your insecurities can disappear for a moment ... at least until they come rushing back and you start to think damaging things about yourself.
Self-destructive thoughts like, “he hasn’t seen me in a swimsuit yet so he doesn’t know what I look like entirely — what if he doesn't actually like me after that?” start to float around your mind. Or you start to think that once he meets someone more attractive then he will go for her instead and no longer be interested.
I wish that none of this were true or that I could just say people never truly base their relationship decisions on attractiveness, but we do. Guys can be like that, and ladies can too. But attractiveness isn't everything, and there are exceptions to every rule.
Take a look below at 2 important reasons why women end up settling in relationships or often choosing to be with men they aren't physically attracted to.
Life and relationships are complicated, but these points help illustrate why our own insecurities as women change the way we make decisions when it comes to love.
1. Women worry that it'll take "too long" to find someone new.
So, the thing is, when you meet a guy who knows all your flaws and has met all your friends already and he still wants you — that means he likes you and chooses you. He's not actively looking for someone else, no matter how attractive they may be. And we women understand that that kind of commitment is hard to come by in the dating world.
So when a man dedicates himself to you, you feel like you can’t let go, because it took so long to find him in the first place, so what are the chances you'll find someone else who will love me and adore me and want me in the same way? You convince yourself that even if you don't feel the same way, this is the best you're going to get, so you stay and you settle.
Nothing may be wrong with this guy you're with, but even when you don't feel that spark with him, you stay in the relationship because you're fearful of being vulnerable again.
2. We're afraid of being alone.
There is a great chance that this guy you're with (that you're not attracted to in the same way) is very nice to you and wants to do everything in his power to please you — maybe he feels like he's not "in your league", so he’s doing everything he can to not let you know that you can do better.
But if you’re a woman who just isn't in it for the same reasons, settling for the “good enough” guy is a disservice to yourself — and to him.
Having a person by your side should not be the determining factor for your self-love and worthiness. As women, it's difficult to imagine navigating the world alone — even for a little while — but being in a relationship where the feelings don't go both ways is just wasting too much of your time.
I struggled a lot after my ex and I broke up. I felt like no other men would like me or want to date me — I didn't feel pretty enough and felt intimidated by the dating scene. But it’s taken a lot of time and encouragement from friends and family to convince me that I am worthy of love and that I don’t need a partner in my life to give me worth.
As women, we need to be able to recognize our worth and value in life on our own so that we don’t feel awkward, unattractive, undesirable. And it's important to remember that settling in a relationship with someone we don't love or are not attracted to isn’t our only option.
The right person will come along when the time is right and be able to provide the love and care you desire. And you will know when you’re not settling, because you'll feel it — you won’t doubt the love you feel for them and you'll be sure of your future together.
Hayley Small is a writer who focuses on pop culture, religion and relationship topics.