5 Reasons Why You Don't Ever Want To Be His 'Ride-Or-Die' Chick
Being someone's "ride-or-die" chick isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Ronny Sison on Unsplash We all want to be loved and we want to believe that true love can face any obstacle. The truth is that love can help you overcome almost any obstacle, but true love would never purposely put you in a life or death situation. True love is kind, patient, humble — and most importantly protective.
True love isn't about taking from each other — it's a reciprocal relationship. A real loving relationship gives you everything you need to prosper.
In theory, being a ride-or-die chick is the ultimate example of unwavering loyalty. It’s a commitment to weather every storm life throws at your relationship, but is it right to stay if your partner is the one creating those storms in the first place?
Loyalty and commitment are the staples of any healthy relationship, but when loyalty and commitment are misused in a relationship, it can lead to toxicity. It’s like saying to yourself that "no matter how many times my partner hurts me, I’m going to stay because I’m a ride-or-die chick."
Staying in a bad relationship to prove your love is a disservice to yourself. Love that constantly needs to be proven creates a hierarchy within your relationship.
Often times ride-or-die relationships are one-sided. One person does all the dying, while the other gets to do all the riding, often disregarding the other's needs in the process.
If you're in a ride or die relationship, deep down you know that making this last isn’t the best for you emotionally or physically, but you try to make it work — even if it means sacrificing your morals and standards all in the name of "love". The relationships hangs by a thread — you tell yourself that you’re the only one that can fix him; that it’s your job to love him through all his mess-ups.
But you have to be honest and ask yourself ... would he do the same for you?
The media constantly tells us we need to be a “ride or die chick” — our favorite celebrities go back to cheating partners time and time again, the music we listen to says we have to be down, and even some of our close friends fight for unhealthy relationships. Being in a ride or die relationship can have some serious consequences, that outweigh the benefits, so take a look below at some of the major downfalls of being a "ride or die" chick.
1. A ride-or-die chick gets taken advantage of and settles for less than she deserves.
Whether he’s your first love or your longest-lasting relationship, you are comfortable with him, and the idea of leaving him in spite of all the mistreatment is scary. You don’t know if your next partner will be able to compare to him. The good times with him are so amazing that you find it worthwhile to endure the bad times — because you agreed to be his ride-or-die chick.
Suddenly when the good times begin to fade away you find yourself perpetually settling for less. You don’t want to leave because you promised to always be there, but he is no longer there. The love you both once shared turns into familiarity and you chose to stay because you are scared that instead of finding someone better, you’ll end up with worse if you leave.
2. She romanticizes her not-so-great relationship.
Every one sees that he’s taking your love for granted, but you. When you’re in a ride or die relationship your mind has a funny way of romanticizing your reality. You tell yourself “he loves me”, “he didn’t mean that” or blame others for his poor actions. His lies simply confirm the false reality you believe.
The truth is, he doesn’t love you if he's expecting to you stay in the relationship when you know you shouldn't! A partner who loves you doesn't put himself in a position to lose you. If your partner continues to make decisions in your relationship that hurt you, he doesn't have your best interest in mind. Sometimes we have to get out of our feelings and think logically.
3. She constantly has to prove how committed she is.
You promised and proved countless times that you are committed and devoted to him. That still isn’t enough. Your partner's lack of trust for you in this regard could the simple fact that he isn’t really committed to you, either. His fears of you being unfaithful could be a projection of his own infidelity if you're committed and haven't done anything to prove otherwise.
Regardless of what he is doing, a partner who wants a "ride or die chick" wants you to jump through hopes to prove your loyalty — even when he's the opposite.
4. She takes the focus (and ultimately the accountability) away from the other partner.
The partner of a ride or die chick knows you’ll stay with him no matter what, and in turn he doesn't have to meet those same standards. Taking the focus off your partner gives him the freedom to act how he pleases without considering the consequences. He knows that if he cheats on your or curses you out tonight, by tomorrow it will blow over because you're dedicated to this relationship, no matter what happens.
Unfortunately, this gives an unworthy partner the opportunity to take advantage of your undying loyalty.
5. She loses the respect of her partner (forever).
This constant need to prove yourself as a ride or die chick can trick you into believing that if you tolerate abusive or unfaithful behavior now, he’ll treat you like a queen later. But ultimately, that queen treatment will never happen, because your partner doesn't truly value you.
It’s likely that your partner will start to lose respect for you because you repeatedly tolerate their bad behavior. Ultimately being a "ride or die" chick can end up hurting you in the long run and leave you longing for the same type of commitment.
Tamara Sanon is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology, and relationship topics.