6 Zodiac Signs Who Are Absolute Hot Messes
Disorder is their calling.
getty When I was a young girl, back in prehistoric times, we used to have an expression we'd use when we'd see someone overreacting in a seriously dramatic way. We'd say, "What's with that guy? Is he having a hairy heart attack?" Whoever it is that is capable of having this is a person who is prone to overreacting and making a fool out of themselves.
They have no discretion and always make mistakes. They instinctively act inappropriately, and usually reserve their antics for public display. Nowadays, we know those people to be hot messes.
Add astrology into the mix, and being a hot mess can cover quite a lot of territory.
You can be a "bad" hot mess like Donald Trump, or a "good" hot mess like Bernie Sanders. But to be a hot mess you must pass the litmus test, and that is: Can you control your behavior? If not, you're a hot mess. Can you make it through a day without throwing a temper tantrum? If so, then you are not a bonafide hot mess.
The "hot mess" status usually applies to grown adults, but the behavior involved is often childlike. A hot mess can be a person ranting on social media, or a drunk in a bar, crying face down on the counter. Hot messes can be found wailing and bemoaning their fate for all to see and hear, and they can also be self-pitying martyrs. As long as it's abundantly obvious they can't possibly control themselves with any kind of decorum, they're a hot mess on rye.
So, which zodiac signs are absolute hot messes?
1. ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Being an Aries isn't always easy, and when the stress builds, nothing relieves the pressure like a good old fashioned public freak-out. Whether it's shaving their head in front of a live audience while crying, or simply throwing over a table in a restaurant to prove a point, Aries is a serious hot mess.
They not only can't control their anger — they exploit it. "Look at me!" cries Aries, while they pray to all of their gods for someone to please pay attention to them.
2. VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, who judges everyone, condemns anyone, and basically criticizes all who walk the face of the earth is also a major thrower of hissy fits, and all them are worthy of the Hot Mess title. Virgo is a naturally unhappy sign; ironically, they are also the most defensive sign, and to defend themselves, they pull out all the stops.
Humiliate a spouse in public? Virgo's on it. Act in such an uncontrolled way that you permanently ruin your life? Virgo's on it. Hot mess much? Yes.
3. AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius is self-destructive. They will go so far out of their way to make a fool of themselves, and then they will defend it to the death, no matter what they've done.
Aquarius is the one who begs their ex to come back even though they've been severely betrayed. Aquarius is the backstabber who will seduce your spouse and then write a blog about it because they can. They have no sense of consequence, and that gives them great freedom to be both horribly insensitive, a raging maniac, and an absolute hot mess when it comes to relationships.
Betray an Aquarius and they will crawl to your door, begging for more. Now that is a hot mess.
4. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Being that Sagittarius believes everything they think is a worthy topic for discussion, it will be your Sagittarius friend who will scream, "Fire!!!" in a crowded theater because they "believe in freedom." They are so into their own personal fantasy that they think they are untouchable; they feel they can get away with murder, and, most often, it's the murder of their own hairstyle.
"Don't you love it?" they'll ask, waiting around for your gushing approval. And when you look at your friend and you notice that they, somehow, have a small family of piglets all living in their hair, you won't be to say anything but, "Wow, aren't you just the hottest mess in town?"
Call Sagittarius a hot mess and they'll say, "Thank you."
5. CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Poor, insecure Cancer just can't find peace within themselves. So unhappy with their bodies, they are usually the first to overindulge in all manner of body modification. The whim for a tattoo may end up in a full body covering, followed by a toxic hate for what they've done.
Constant comparison to others makes Cancer a walking nervous breakdown as they believe everyone on earth is better than they are. They'll fight for the number one spot, and they'll hate their situation if they get it. This makes Cancer an enormous hot mess of a person.
6. PISCES (February 19 - March 10)
Hot mess meets its match in Pisces, as no sign can handle the motherload of outrage and insanity that this sign puts out on a regular basis. Whether it's standing on the side of the road naked, riding a clown (also naked), or drinking an entire gallon of vodka while driving, Pisces is on-point when it comes to being an emotional hot mess.
Sparing no tears, this zodiac sign is always at the ready when it comes to gut-wrenching displays of passionate screeching at family gatherings. If you have a hankering for being embarrassed by a friend, choose the Pisces — they're a shoe-in.
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Ruby Miranda is a New Yorker who learned astrology, I Ching and all types of cartomancy and numerology from her crazy, gypsy mother. She currently writes for a wide range of esoteric publications.