How To Meet Men When You're Sick And Tired Of Being Alone
Get out there ... without hitting up the club.
mariano nocetti on unsplash What you saw on Sex and the City might seem like an unrealistic way of meeting men. I mean, come on — we women are always expected to get dressed up, walk into a bar and immediately have men pine over us and buy us drinks? In all honesty, most of the time we end up buying our own drinks and waiting for the one decent guy in the whole bar to come along and buy us one.
Obviously not every time you go out to a bar should be about meeting guys, but it sure would be nice if for once it worked, right? I don't know about you, but I don't exactly spend most nights at the club or doing some sort of activity where I get to meet people all the time. I'm normally working — and I'm sure you are too. So instead, I'm going to tell you a list of things I've tried in real life, and new ways to meet men that friends of mine have been successful with.
Take a look below at some things you should consider when you're in the dating scene and looking for someone new when you're sick and tired of being alone and single:
1. First of all, consider that you may be looking in all the wrong places.
Let's be real, you're probably not going meet a decent guy at the club. Sure, going dancing at the club could be a great way to meet a fun guy for when you have a Saturday night free, but the chances of him being actual relationship material are pretty slim.
One time a good friend and I were at the bar when two attractive men hit on us — but instead of offering to get us drinks, but they got our Instagram handles. Fast forward a few hours later when my friend and I are buying pizza and one of the guys asks flirtatiously, "so you getting me pizza too?" I'm not saying all men at the club are broke, but in all honesty, most guys aren't trying to pick up a girlfriend who is relationship material. And to answer your question, no he never got that pizza or a DM back.
2. Realize that good men can be shy too.
One issue a lot of us women have is that we expect men to come up to us and ask for our phone number. We even expect guys to guess that we like them by the way we glance over and bat our eyelashes, hoping they can sense our interest.
Men don't work that way. It sucks — times are different now and men have a tendency to like swipe right on you on Tinder rather than say "Hello" to you. So sometimes you need to take that initiative — even if it's small.
I'm not saying it's your job to ask for numbers now! But try to do something as simple as starting the conversation or asking him a question. Are you in college? Ask the cute guy in front of you if he understands the homework, and try not to be dry with the conversation. If he doesn't give any obvious hints that show he's interested in you after you make that move, then move on. Simple as that.
3. Be honest with yourself if you're still hung up on your ex.
You ever notice how your friends who recently become single start saying things, like "I'm not meeting anybody" or "the guys they meet are weird" or "something's off about them, Trevor never acted that way"?
Try and pinpoint how many times you bring up your ex while you're talking about a new guy. If you're hung up on your ex, no one is going to be able to match up to what you used to have. You're setting unrealistic expectations for guys you've never even met.
You need to have a clear head space and meet every guy with the intention of getting to know them on their own terms. Also — as a side note — remember, if there is an ex, they're an ex for a reason. Let them stay that way — out of your life and out of your mind.
4. Just try it — get on a dating app to get yourself off the couch.
Personally, I used Tinder right after a breakup — my plan was to see what else was out there. Just keep in mind that you're likely not going to meet an amazing guy on these kinds of apps — you really need to think about guys' true intentions and have your guard up.
I'm not the type to believe that if I meet a guy who says he wants a relationship, he'll just delete the app after he meets me — and you should prepare yourself to be careful about who you let in your life this way, too. But even so, if you want get out there and get on dates, try it out. It's better than just sitting at home. But try to actually form a connection first and actually be interested in the guy that you're texting before you meet him in person.
5. Stop focusing on finding a man and just live your best life.
When finding a guy to date is the main priority, you're not going to find him. You're using this crutch of finding a man as some sort of triumph in your life like it will fix all your problems. A man will not help you overcome your fear of being alone.
When you stop looking, you'll eventually meet someone when you least expect it. I've always met someone when I was happy being single — when I'm not desperate to find love, instead, letting it find me.
So take a chance and calm down about your dating life. Go on some dates, kiss some frogs — you may even meet a nice guy out there. Honestly, you'll meet the best guy when you least expect it.
Essence Lopez is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology, and relationship topics.