How Important Is Physical Chemistry When It Comes To Relationships?
Do you have to be attracted to someone to have a good relationship?
Devon Divine on Unsplash When love is boiled down to its groundwork, all it is is a chemical reaction in your brain. Not very romantic, I know, but it’s true. And, because it’s chemically based, this is where the term chemistry comes from in regards to a relationship. Ever hear someone say, “Oh you two have such good chemistry!”?
There are some people that value this chemical connection above all else, and that’s okay. I mean, chemistry is important. If two people don’t mesh well, then what’s the point of them being together?
But the problem with chemistry is it’s far from cut and dry. Just like the scientific version, the romantic side can also get pretty complex.
For one, there are a lot of different ways someone can process romantic chemistry. And chemistry itself isn’t always good. It can be harmful to you because you’re only getting part of what makes up the whole formula. And when it comes to this formula, there are two main components that make it up: physical and emotional.
The emotional side is the one most people think of when it comes to chemistry. Sure, you can find someone physically attractive, but if there’s nothing good about their personality there won’t be a true spark. We look for that thing we like in the people that catch our eye.
While the emotional side is important, physical chemistry matters too. But how much stock should you put in something like that and how do you know if that’s something you have that won’t hurt you in the long run? Feelings can get confusing, and if physical chemistry is important to you as much as emotional, then I want you to ask yourself these three questions.
1. What does physical chemistry mean to you?
There’s a natural assumption that people make when they hear the term physical chemistry. They naturally think of . It makes sense. It’s the most physical thing you can do in a relationship, not to mention it’s everywhere in books, TV and movies.
But the thing is, it only says the word ‘physical,’ not . There are so many different ways people get physical with one another. It can be as intimate as , but it can also be as simple as hand-holding. It really comes down to how much you’re comfortable with and what makes you happy.
Everyone has different needs and preferences. There are some who have no desire for at all and there are others that are perfectly content with just cuddling under a blanket. What you have to determine is what does physical chemistry mean to you? Once you know that answer, you’ll know how much importance to put on it.
2. Are both you and your (future) partner balanced?
This question applies to both parties. You need to know that one side isn’t going to completely overrule the other. I’m not saying your emotional needs and physical needs should be perfectly 50/50, but it can’t be to the point where it turns into 80/20.
So first, look at yourself. How much importance do you put on the physicality of a relationship? Is it something that you absolutely must have, or is that sort of chemistry something you’re willing to let develop over time?
Next, look at your partner (or the one you want to date) and see if they’re similar to you. Do you know about their past? Do they have one? Does this person have a reputation for sleeping around or do they only have with the person they’re dating? And most importantly, how important is a physical relationship to them and will their level of importance mesh with yours?
3. Do you put too much importance into physical chemistry and attraction?
I’m sure you know the phrase “friends with benefits.” Being good friends with someone who will also fulfill your physical needs sounds like a good deal. Until that person finds someone else. This is why I said earlier that you need balance. When you start to rely solely on physical attraction and how well you connect under the sheets, you just end up hurting yourself in the long run.
People who are willing to just give out aren’t going to make for good partners. When you starting placing too much into the physical side, you begin to neglect the emotional side. You might not notice at first, but you’ll find soon enough that your emotions can only take so many hits from being betrayed, ignored and cast aside.
Be sure to find that balance, because if you don’t you’ll just end up getting yourself hurt.
Jesse Oakley is a writer who writes about love, relationships, self-care and spirituality/astrology.