4 Steps To Help You Break The News To Your Parents That You Broke Up
It can be one of the most difficult and awkward conversations to have.
Taylor Harding on Unsplash Telling your parents you broke up with your boyfriend is probably the most awkward conversation to have. They have grown to love him and consider him a member of the family, and now you want to close that chapter of your life.
A lot of the times, parents do not know what goes on behind the scenes in relationships. They don't hear about the fights and the many disagreements that led up to the breakup.
Breaking up with someone you once felt super close to and are still in love with is not easy. You start to think about the future you two won't have together, and the only thing still tying you two together is your parents.
Breaking up with someone is a sucky situation and nobody likes talking about it. It is hard enough to move on when you still have people who think you two are end game.
When those people are your parents, it can be hard to break the news; it almost feels like you're forcing them to break up with him, too.
One thing to know for sure; however, is that your parents love you and will always put you first. Explaining to them might be difficult, but at the end of the conversation they will be happy you did what is best for you. If the reason you broke up with your ex is something horrible (cheating, lying, abuse) they will be even more proud of you for choosing to give your love to someone who actually deserves it.
So, how should you go about telling them you broke up?
Here are the best ways to break the news to your parents.
1. Start by reassuring your parents that this is all for the best.
Your parents will be more confident in your decision if you explain to them that this is for the best. Have a conversation with them about all the fights and share your side of the story.
You'll find it helpful to tell them that you think there is someone out there who could really treat you right – your ex would never show you the love and respect you deserved. When they realize that you just want to spend your time with someone who makes you happy, they will be on your side. Friends and family are an emotional crutch to help support you during a breakup. If you think about it, this relationship was only ever between you and your ex. Sure, it was nice that your parents liked him, but at the end of the day you were the one dating him and putting up with the stress, not them.
2. If it's easier, write them a letter.
Back when we were younger, we would always write little apology notes and slide them under our parents doors when they were mad. While you don't have to be a super spy and discreetly slide it under their door, giving the note to your parents and asking them to read it when they have time could take some of the pressure off of you.
We tend to choke up and cry when we talk about our ex, especially if it ended with some loose ends. Writing a letter will give you the opportunity to write down everything on your mind and spill all the details of your relationship you were always scared to tell them. You could also simply write down, "Me and X broke up. I really don't want to talk about it till I am ready, but know it is for the best." This approach will let you tell your parents without awkwardly facing them and trying to find the words to say.
3. Ask for their support.
Telling your parents that you broke up with your ex and all you need right now is their support is another way to break the news. When your parents hear that they are what you need to get through this difficult time, they won't pressure the conversation. Don't be too specific if you don't want to be and only provide the details you think are essential. Make sure to remind them that while their opinion means a lot, you are in control of your own happiness and breaking up with your ex was essential.
Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist and relationship coach, told "Insider Magazine" that your needs must come first, but your family will notice the change in your tone and demenor. "Your family/friends are the first to notice changes in your mood, attitude, or personality and are mentioning things based on seeing these changes," said Silva. She warns that you must be prepared for the truth that will come from you telling your parents about your ex. But, once they realize they need to be their to support you, they will be a shoulder to cry on and a machine of much needed laughs.
4. Set post-relationship boundaries.
If your ex happens to live in your hometown, it is best to set some guidelines for your parents. It is hard enough for you to think about seeing him at the grocery store or the movies and you really don't want your parents to add fuel to that fire. If you dont mind them saying "hi" when they pass him, tell them that. But, if you want them to ignore his existence, tell them that, too. Whatever you need to make the breakup a little bit easier should be thrown into the conversation. Make sure to tell your parents that you don't want your ex thinking he still has a chance with you because your parents are always stopping to chat.
Carlie Fox is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture and relationship topics.