How To Deal When Your Partner Is Constantly Late To Your Dates
Running late is inevitable, but there's a good and a bad way to respond when it happens.
Autri Taheri on Unsplash There is nothing like the frustration and irritation you feel when someone is late. When you are sitting there waiting, you start working yourself up because you just want them to show up to a commitment on time.
How hard is that? You may ask, but it's much harder to deal with than you think.
According to Psychology Today, the most common reason people use to explain their tardiness is that "people are late because they don't want to be early."
I see nothing wrong with showing up early. It shows that you are punctual, that you are committed and excited to see where this meeting will lead you. Being early also gives you some time to relax if you are nervous, breathe and do some last-minute preparations.
Also, according to Psychology Today, the CEO of Dell, Michael Dell, stated, "I try to get to meetings a bit early so I can see what the mood of the team is and have an opportunity to interact informally before we get down to serious business."
I am always worried about being late, so it makes me push to arrive early all of the time. Anxiety is one of the biggest factors in making me and many others show up on time, if not early. Remember, it's better to be early than late.
I have experienced people being late to commitments many times. Family, friends and even students with tutoring appointments run late. So, this leaves me sitting there, waiting, texting them "where are you?" "Hello?" You would think that an appointment would be serious and you would make an effort to be on time, but it's rare that anyone arrives on time, which is very annoying.
According to Alessandra Conti, the co-founder of Matchmakers In The City told Elite Daily that this is a perfect thing to do because "They may be driving and unable to text, so give them the benefit of the doubt with a phone call. They also may be at the actual location, but can't find you, so if you are waiting, do not assume the worst! Always give the benefit of the doubt."
Then, in my experience, they either show up late or cancel after they should have originally been there.
When this happens, I feel an array of emotions. I get angry, frustrated, let down, sad and irritated because they are wasting my time. I get so easily frustrated when people are late because I usually put whatever else that is going on at the time to the side so that I can meet with this person.
Tardiness is very rough in the dating field. You are not alone.
Being stood up is not something easy to handle. You wonder what happened to make them forget about you, which is very irrational.
Ella Huerta, CEO, and founder of Mend, a breakup app, explained that, "If they're 10 minutes late, try not to go too deep into storytelling mode because you don't have all the information yet."
Us ladies always start thinking about what we did wrong to make this person not show up. Like their horrible punctuality is your own fault.
If you are the one standing someone up, put yourself in their shoes. Try to imagine what feelings you would have if you were the one waiting. It's not so cool that you lost track of time or forgot your date altogether.
Adding salt into the already raw wound is not responding when the person calls you or texts you to check and see what's going on. That's just rude and the longer you make your date wait, the less likely they will give you another chance. Yes, most of us want to give this special someone the benefit of the doubt before admitting we were stood up, like something happened medically, an accident, or a family emergency, and they are not purposefully blowing you off.
We like to try to justify their actions before we accept they are either really late or not going to show up at all.
These emergent situations do happen.
So, here are some tips for confronting someone in your life when they are late, so that you can keep your cool when they finally show up and you talk to them.
1. Check in with them to make sure they are OK.
Check up on them beforehand and give them a reminder about your get together.
Sometimes it really just slips through the cracks.
Text or call them if they are late and make sure they are OK.
They could be driving, so calling is your best bet to get in touch with them.
2. Talk about how it makes you feel when they are late.
Make your feelings known like normal people. Don't yell or get in an argument. It's not worth it and it will not get you anywhere.
Open the lines of communication between you. It's amazing how much of your stress is reduced when you are actually talking to each other. You're not assuming anything or thinking the worst.
3. Suggest setting an alarm.
If you are with someone that is perpetually late, it might be worth suggesting that they set alarms for their commitments.
Maybe setting an alarm an hour before for a reminder, and then 15 minutes before you must leave so you arrive on time.
It may be worth it for them because it might just be what they need to get themselves arriving early.
Emily Francos is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture and relationship topics.