How To Tell Your Partner That You Have Anxiety (And You Want Them To Take It Seriously)
It is an important talk to be had, especially when you are getting serious.
Milada Vigerova on Unsplash Having serious anxiety or an anxiety disorder sucks. It can feel like your whole life is ruled by something completely out of your control. It is hard enough to talk yourself through a day of anxious thoughts and feelings, let alone trying to explain those thoughts to someone else.
I know how hard it can be to let someone else into your mind and speak your truth. You so badly want to tell the people closest to you how you're feeling and try to work through your worried thoughts. At the same time, you don't want to sound crazy or weird – this can be especially true when you start dating a new guy.
If you start to get serious with someone new, it may be time to open up about your struggle with anxiety. It might feel a little awkward at first - how do you even begin to describe the feeling of utter panic when you're just browsing the grocery store to the guy you're crushing on.
First and foremost, your mental health is exactly that – yours! If you aren't ready to talk about it just yet with your new boy, that is okay!
Also remember that no person in a relationship is perfect. You may be struggling with an anxiety disorder and he might be secretly suffering from something, too. You never truly know what is happening behind closed doors – mental or physical.
I remember the first time I opened up to my boyfriend about having anxiety. We were out getting dinner and I felt myself slowly starting to have an anxiety attack: My vision became blurred, I felt nauseous and claustrophobic, my every thought was consumed by worry, and I thought I was going to pass out. I started to tear up a bit and asked him if we could leave.
When we got in the car, I just started apologizing through my tears over and over again. This happened a few times before I worked up the courage to really talk about my anxiety openly with him. I am lucky because he never pressured me to talk about it, but was also always there to listen. Strive for that, ladies!
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Anyway, when it comes to how to spark the conversation about your anxiety disorder, there is no exact or right way to go about it. You may be across the room from him sipping on some wine and feel the sudden urge to just text him word vomit about your feelings. "Hi, I really like you and I have anxiety and I'm working through it every day but I wanted you to know in case it's a deal breaker." Which, by the way, it shouldn't be!
If the whole tipsy texting thing isn't your preferred method of action, you could always plan to tell him before or after a night out.
1. Write down some key things you want to say and focus on those.
2. Let him know beforehand that telling him is a little awkward and difficult, but you want to be honest.
Reassure him that you like him and just feel you need to be honest as you further your relationship.
3. Let him ask questions without getting defensive.
After you let it all out, he might have questions or he might just say, "Okay, cool! How can I make it better?"
All it takes is a little bit of courage (and maybe a little vodka) to speak your mind. You might be missing out on a great guy who is willing to hold your hand through this scary world if you are too scared to tell him about your anxiety.
Worst case scenario: He isn't the one.
Best case scenario: He is THE one!
All in all, remember to prioritize your mental health first. Start to open up when your ready. When the time comes, how he handles the information is all you need to know about him. If he isn't the one, with every guy you meet the conversation will get easier and easier.
Carlie Fox is a writer who writes about love, relationships, self-care, spirituality and astrology.