Are You A 'Late Bloomer'? How To Deal When You're Dating & Sexually Inexperienced
How to talk about your (lack of) experience with your partner.
Mean Shadows on Unsplash First, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin! It’s common to feel embarrassed by your virginity, but you shouldn't be.
Nevertheless, it’s hard to tell your partner about your sexual inexperience, but it’s something that you need to do. When you enter into a new relationship, the last thing you want to tell your partner is that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing when it comes to sex, or even the things that can happen before sex.
Talking about your sexual experience (or lack thereof) is an extremely important topic to discuss with your partner, especially if your relationship is getting serious and it looks like things are about to get to another level.
Your partner needs to know if you’re ready to go all the way, if you need some time or if you have no clue what you’ll need to be ready.
It’s OK not to know if you're ready to have sex, but you need to figure it out for yourself, and then decide together if that's what you want for your relationship. However, telling your partner that you have never had sex can be difficult and embarrassing.
Because most men (and women) base their self-worth on the number of sexual partners they have had, it’s becoming an increasing problem for couples to feel comfortable discussing their sexual inexperience with one another. People feel inferior in relationships if their significant other has had sex when they have not, so they may internalize their feelings about their sexual inexperience.
Even if both partners are inexperienced in the bedroom, they may still find it challenging to breach the subject before they become intimate.
If you want to take control of your sex life and be more open about your sexual history and preferences with your partner, then consider using the advice to breach the topic of your sexual inexperience with your significant other in the following sections:
1. Don’t wait until you’re in the mood to talk about your sexual history.
While it probably won’t ruin the mood like you’re thinking it would, mentioning your sexual inexperience during a period of intimacy is a bit rude to your partner. If you know you two are getting serious, please mention your virginity to your partner sooner, rather than later.
The good ones will stay in the relationship and not care that you don’t have previous sexual partners.
2. Do your research first.
You should be researching and preparing for your first sexual encounter with your partner to ensure you know what you should expect when you lose your virginity. Although you and your partner should be communicating throughout the encounter anyway, knowing what to expect can make you feel better about confronting your partner.
3. Discuss your expectations when it comes to sex in your relationship.
When you bring up your sexual inexperience, you don’t have to just blurt that you’re a virgin. Instead, focus on the activity at hand.
For example, you could tell your partner that you would like your first time together to be special or that you want to take your time and go slow. Bringing up the fact that you’re a virgin gradually can make it seem like a less daunting task and guarantee that you and your significant other understand each other’s sexual expectations for your first time.
Lilly Jones is a writer who covers pop culture, love, relationship and trending topics.