15 Immediate Signs He's Toxic And Dangerous
Sometimes you just have to move on.
Photoroyalty / Shutterstock How do you know when it's time to let him go? Breaking up is never an easy thing to do but when the signs of an unhealthy relationship begin popping up, it is for the best to go your separate ways and move on with your lives.
It doesn't always take being in a relationship with someone to see the red flags that it won't work out for the better.
If you can experience signs about a person without being in a relationship with them, then imagine spending an overwhelming amount of time with someone and seeing all of their negative traits.
It can become easy to accept those behaviors as being part of who they are instead of realizing that those behaviors aren’t normal and that you deserve better.
Here are 15 immediate signs he's toxic and dangerous:
1. He wants to know where you are at all times
If your partner always seems to ask where you are, it is a sign that he is controlling. Every relationship needs boundaries. You should be able to go where you want when you want without having to report back to your partner. You are equals, so you should never feel like a child letting their parents know of their whereabouts.
2. He shows up randomly
Have you ever told your partner you would be somewhere and they end up at the same place? This shows that he doesn’t trust you.
Think about his intentions for showing up, especially if he arrives at places he normally wouldn’t hang out at. He is likely either making sure you are where you say you are or making sure that you are “behaving” in a manner he sees fit at this place. Either way, it is an unhealthy habit.
3. He is always picking arguments
Arguing is normal. However, you should never be in a position where you are arguing just to argue.
If you notice that your partner always wants to fight, and for no good reason, you should highly consider leaving. This could be a sign that he is discontent with the relationship and wants a way out. It could also mean he is manipulating you by distracting you from the real problems at hand in your relationship.
4. He thinks you’re cheating
You can be doing all the right things, but he always accuses you of cheating. Does this sound familiar?
If so, know that it shows your partner is insecure. He doesn’t think that he is good enough for you and that sometimes translates into you entertaining other men. He is likely overly jealous of your male friends and other males you interact with.
Over time you will become exhausted trying time and time again to convince him that you aren’t doing anything wrong. It's best to let that man go.
5. He gets physical
It is never normal for him to put his hands on you in an aggressive manner. If you find yourself changing your behavior so that you don’t upset him too much, it's time to leave.
You should never be scared that your partner is going to physically harm you. This is a sign of a potentially abusive relationship that you may not be able to get out of later. No man is worth that much heartbreak and trauma.
6. He says you are the problem
Nobody likes someone who is always quick to point the finger at someone else.
He never thinks that he is the problem — it’s always you. The reason you aren’t as happy anymore is your fault. The reason he treats you poorly is your fault. No matter what, it’s your fault. He can’t take responsibility for his actions, and that is not ok. You don’t need to be with someone who will always make you feel like the bad guy.
7. He is not willing to change
He thinks he is perfectly fine just the way he is. if something is really bothering you and you express your feelings about the matter, he will not see anything wrong. This means you will likely find yourself in a relationship that never improves.
He isn’t a bad person for not wanting to change; he may genuinely be content with the way things are. Just because you see a problem with something doesn’t mean he does. You have to ask yourself how much this will bother you and if it is worth it to stay if nothing will ever change.
8. He invalidates your feelings
You’re crazy, you’re overreacting, and you’re too emotional. If he always makes you feel like you’re wrong for feeling the way you do, this is a sign that he doesn’t take your emotions seriously. He thinks that your feelings don’t matter and don’t need to be addressed.
You will find yourself constantly unhappy because you can’t express how you feel without being shut down. If you stay, the relationship will always be one-sided because only his feelings will be voiced and taken into consideration and yours will be ignored.
9. He's preventing you from growing
Your partner is stuck in the past. He is always bringing up old memories but never wants to create new ones. You try to do new things with him, but he shuts you down. He gives you excuses as to why it won’t work out instead of just giving it a try.
If your relationship feels stagnant, it might be time to call it quits. Relationships are meant to be developed, so if your partner is showing you that they don’t want to move forward, you should let them go.
10. He doesn't have goals
He doesn’t have any plans for the future. You can’t fully envision a life with him because he doesn’t have any clear plans for the future. When you bring up your life goals and how you plan to achieve them he becomes distant and seems uninterested. If you ask him what his goals are, he tries to switch up the conversation.
This could be a sign that he goes through the motions and won’t have a plan when one is really needed. It can very well jeopardize your future; as time goes on, things like family and finances start to cross your mind but not his. If you feel you cannot plan a future with him because he lacks goals, checking out of the relationship is your best bet.
11. Your closest friends disapprove of him
Your friends tend to know you best. They know what makes you happy, sad, and downright angry. So, when they tell you that they really don’t think he is the one for you, maybe you should listen. They may see something in him that is unnerving way before you do.
Like they always say, love is blind. They want the best for you and are able to see when your partner isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
12. He gives you ultimatums
If you find yourself in a situation where he says “you either do this or else” … he is not someone you should be with. If he says anything even closely resembling that statement, he is not someone you should be with.
He is forcing your hand and that is unfair. This is a sign that he can be emotionally abusive and controlling. He will try to get you to bend to his will just because he knows you won’t like the alternative he has to offer.
13. He is keeping you a secret
He doesn’t want the world to know you two are a couple. He rarely ever takes you out, doesn’t introduce you to his family and friends, and won’t post you on social media.
Unless there is a really good reason as to why you’re being hidden you should be skeptical about the entire situation. Usually, if someone is keeping you a secret it is because they are embarrassed or because they are doing something they shouldn’t be. Either way, this is a red flag.
14. He brings out the worst in you
You’re angrier than you ever thought you could be. You’re less talkative. You’re more distant. You’re constantly acting out of character. Any person who can have you questioning who you are and how you are behaving is no good for you. The relationship is toxic.
You will start to struggle with staying true to yourself because their negative behaviors are starting to rub off on you. It's time to let go of him and focus on yourself.
15. He doesn't put any effort into your relationship
He just isn’t trying. No time or energy is put on his part to make the relationship flourish. He doesn’t show you any attention mentally or physically and he seems to put everything and everyone before you. You don’t feel like he thinks it is important to keep you happy and to keep your relationship going.
After a time, this will start to drive you crazy because you will feel like you are wasting your time and energy trying to please someone who isn’t willing to do the same for you. In reality, you are, and it's probably time to break up.
What can you do if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship?
It’s tough. Even the happiest of couples still have things they can work on to improve the relationship.
So, what do you do when there seems to be an abundance of problems between you and your partner that never get resolved?
These problems are signs that you should choose yourself and your happiness over your partner. Letting go might be hard, but you will thank yourself for walking away in the future.
Alexis George is a writer who covers love, relationship advice, astrology, and personality topics. Her work has been featured in BlueNotes, NSM Today, and Central Florida Lifestyle.