Why I Gave Up On Dating Chubby Guys
It's true that heavy guys chase away chubby chasers. I'm a prime example.
getty Fat men are my type and you’d never guess it. I wear straight-sized clothing, and when I first dated a plus-sized guy, I was a size 0. I enjoy the softness of a chubby guy’s body. I love the fact that they tend to love food. I adore the way they smile with those dimples and how they look so fun when they dance.
And yet, here I am. I’m dating a guy who’s rail thin — and frankly, I don’t think I could ever go back to dating a guy who’s fluffy ever again. I don’t want to say my taste has changed, but truthfully, it has. If I were completely honest, I had to force it to change out of concern for my own well-being.
I dated a lot of guys who were overweight but eventually, I just got burned out. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was disgusted. But not for the reasons you might think.
You see, it wasn’t the fact that the guys I dated were heavy; it was the fact that their weight made them lash out at me due to their insecurity.
The way dating fat men happened was always the same. At first, they were all sweet as pie and would do what they could to impress me. I loved their personalities and enjoyed being around them all. Then, slowly, something would start to eat away at the relationship — and their happiness.
I’m talking, of course, about their body image hang-ups. Some would start begging me for reassurance that they were attractive, and yes, I’d tell them so. But they’d keep begging. The compliments were never enough. They would start to project their own insecurities onto me, which would lead them to telling me to lose weight, stop “dressing slutty,” and stop wearing hair a certain way “so other guys would get hot” for me.
Others would be so thrilled about dating a slender person that they’d start to parade me around like a show pony. At first it was flattering but then I started to realize that they may not actually care about me as a person, only the ego boost that came with dating me.
Time after time, each guy would ask me to set up a threesome, talk him up, or talk about his sex skills in front of his friends. To guys who had this issue, I wasn’t a person but a sex trophy instead. I dumped them.
Then, some of them just went off the deep end. They put themselves to such high standards, they were impossible to keep up with. Eventually, they’d snap and start yelling at me for hating them because they didn’t earn enough money or said that I wasn’t loyal, despite the fact that I was usually the one paying the bills and being open about everything. Both guys who did this also cheated on me.
I found myself being treated poorly based on the fact that I was thinner than them. I found that they couldn’t see past my waist size.
It wasn’t that they were insecure about dating a girl; it was that they were insecure about dating a girl who was so much thinner than they were. My body mattered more than what I said, felt, or did. And frankly, I grew tired of it.
The more I tried to talk up the guys I dated, the more my dating life seemed to suffer. They literally just couldn’t see anything attractive on me. They put me on a pedestal and that dehumanized me. I wasn’t a person to them; I was their “straight size” critic who never had to say anything to make them feel judged.
As days passed, constantly trying to argue with them about why they were enough for me or trying to convince them I was attracted to them grated on me. Eventually, I just lost interest in trying to explain things to them. It’s not like they would listen. Most of the time, I felt like I was talking to a wall.
Trying to prop someone else’s broken and shattered self-esteem is emotionally taxing, suffocating, and harmful to your own mental health. And whether my exes would admit it or not, it’s also a thankless job. Days continued to pass, and one day, I woke up and realized I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I started to associate heavier guys with bad personalities as a result of my experiences. I started to associate them with abuse, and that turned me off to them.
And just like that, I found that I had given up on my “chubby chasing” ways. It just wasn’t worth it anymore, and Big Handsome Men just stopped being handsome to me.
I’m sorry, guys, I really am. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do because people did nothing but break you down with their words. I’m sorry that when you look in the mirror, you see a worthless person. I’m so, so sorry that you just can’t see girls who appreciate you when they tell you they appreciate you.
And I’m sorry I can’t deal with you anymore. Please help yourselves so that you don’t burn someone else out, too.