7 Unfortunate Red Flags That Reveal He Isn't Serious About You
Move on.
getty In the era of Tinder and hook-up culture, it can be hard for any of you unicorns looking for love and serious relationships to navigate without getting your dreams and hopes shattered. Dating is no longer simply a way to find out whether two people are suitable for a relationship. No. It’s a battlefield out there.
Ok, does this sound familiar? After a great first date and butterflies in your stomach, you receive a text at 10 pm three days later asking “Sup, wanna come over?” After several great dates, plus mind-blowing sex, you just never hear from the guy again, like he’s off the planet Earth? After MONTHS of great dates and mind-blowing sex you totally think it’s a relationship but as soon as you bring up the talk, things fizzle out into nothingness? Yeah, ask any woman.
Seriously, you need to protect your precious heart. But don’t you worry! That’s why I’m here to give you these dating red flags that a guy isn’t serious about you so you can watch out and find the right one for you!
1. He says he’s not ready / not looking for anything serious.
He said it, you heard it. He is NOT looking for anything serious, or anything serious with you — all the same, ladies. Save your time and dignity and sanity and move on to someone who is looking for the same thing as you are.
And no, no. Don’t stick around thinking he’s going to change his mind once he spends enough time with you and realizes how amazing a creature you are. Most likely, you would only compromise your own needs and devalue your amazing self along the process. Not worth it! Don’t you think you deserve someone who chooses you and is ready for you too?
2. He says he’s trouble (or anything bad about himself)
He’s a big boy, he knows himself well and he has made it clear to you. Believe him, and while we’re at it, run and never look back. If a guy likes a girl and wants a relationship with her, he wouldn’t talk bad about himself (at least not in the beginning anyway) because it would risk putting her off and ruining his chance with her. He would want to be on his best behavior showing her his best self INSTEAD OF saying he’s trouble or a bad boy whatever the hell that means. And, well, if the dude genuinely thinks saying he’s a bad boy will attract the ladies, you’re better off without his immature self.
3. He doesn’t contact you within 3-5 days after the first date.
When a guy really wants you, you’ll see his A game, not half-hearted attention and effort. He will want to make sure you’re interested and secure the second date with you as soon as possible, you hot stuff. Meanwhile, if the guy is not feeling it or not looking for a relationship, he will be in no rush to talk to you after the first date. Sure, he might have had a good time with you; He might sound super enthusiastic if you contact him. But his absence has said it — he doesn’t worry you might lose interest in him; He doesn’t mind if he will not see you again. Well, what can I say? I know you want more and you certainly can get more.
4. He always prefers drinks over dinner and suggests locations near his place.
If a dude does this, most likely he doesn’t want to invest in you and the relationship with you and just tries to keep it as casual as possible with drinks and happy banter. Plus, drinks near his place means it takes little to none effort to see you and there’s a chance he’ll get laid after enough alcohol — perfect set-up for him. Especially if this goes on for 2-3 dates, either he is an alcoholic or he actually doesn’t have “dating” in mind at all when it comes to the two of you.
5. His communication is either sporadic or always happens after 10 pm (and he’s not working late night shift)
Miscommunication is probably the top reason why relationships fail so you should definitely talk to your guy about his texting/calling style in case you might misread the sign. Anyway, if he seems like an average dude with a smartphone and all sorts of social media accounts AND doesn’t contact you first ever, doesn’t talk to you during the day, doesn’t initiate plans, doesn’t establish some sort of consistency to make sure he’s on your radar, or says he’s a bad texter but is online every 2 minutes, he’s probably not that into you and actually seeing someone else and you better move on.
6. He avoids meeting up on the weekend (and he’s not working on the weekend)
Again, if you’ve been seeing him for a few weeks and realize no date has happened on the weekend, only late evenings after work through to early mornings rushing out of his place, I have some bad news for you. Possibilities include: He’s keeping things casual and has no intention of integrating you into his life; He has no time for a real relationship considering his free time at weekends is already used up for something God knows what; He has a main chick he’s seeing on the weekend; or he’s actually married and that main chick is his wife. Either way, well, GTFO.
7. He isn’t curious about you and doesn’t tell you anything real about himself.
This is probably the clearest sign of genuine interest. When someone is into you, they can’t get enough of getting to know you and they want you to know them too. They ask questions, they listen to you, they open up about themselves, they share things that actually mean something to them and they even remember little things you mention here and there. If your conversation with your dude only stays on a superficial level, or it seems to get deep but you realize it’s all you talking and you know nothing of substance about him, chances are he has no real interest in you or a relationship with you.
Ellen Nguyen is a Vietnamese writer based in London. She's the founder of TinglyMind.com - an online publication dedicated to the unfiltered experiences of being human in modern society. She also writes fiction on her personal website.