If A Man Does These 10 Things, He Really Respects You
It's a truly great thing when the guy you like matches his words to his actions.
MandriaPix / Shutterstock Are you in a new relationship and wondering if you’re being treated the way you truly deserve?
The question is a common one because it’s all too easy to turn a blind eye to disrespectful behavior when you’re in the grips of lust, a tad infatuated, or feel like you’re falling in love.
However, it’s just as easy to tell if a guy respects you when you look for these signs.
If a man does these 10 things, he really respects you:
1. He’ll give you his full attention
This one seems really obvious, but not when one of the most common issues women have, is feeling a lack of attention from a guy. Be careful to separate neediness from the right to feel wanted, but, when a man respects you he does want to see you, talk to you, answer your calls right away, and fully engage when you’re together.
If he often cancels plans, neglects to respond back to messages, doesn’t initiate dates or texts his mates during romantic dinners, respect for you isn’t really at the top of his mind. You deserve the attention you want to give in a relationship and if he’s not available — physically, emotionally, or mentally — move on and invest your valuable time in someone who is.
2. He’s interested in your opinions
There’s nothing worse than voicing an opinion during a conversation and being immediately shut down. Whether he agrees with you or not, a man who respects you will be interested in what you have to say and eager to debate the finer details of it. He’ll be curious about how your mind works and interested to delve right in.
In fact, he’ll regularly ask for your opinion and take it very seriously. Just like women, most men want the company of someone who can offer advice, different perceptions, and mental stimulation. If you’re with a guy who either laughs when you offer a point of view or dismisses it off-hand, not only is he showing a lack of respect, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.
3. He doesn’t try to control you
When you think about controlling behavior, whether it’s from a guy, a boss, or a parent, the foundation of it is generally fear or insecurity. For example, a boss might throw his or her weight around because they’re on a power trip that covers up their self-esteem issues. A parent may try to control your actions because they’re fearful something bad will happen to you.
In the case of relationships, controlling men use the behavior as a form of protection, for themselves. While this often manifests in a display of power and strength, it comes from a deeply ingrained place of fear, insecurity, or feelings of unworthiness. In the beginning, controlling you might mean simple actions like ordering your meal without asking what you want or trying to influence your decisions.
Already, this shows a lack of respect because a guy who cares trusts that you know how to run your own life. Over time, these small actions can turn into jealousy, possessiveness, manipulation, and even violence. Always respect yourself enough to keep control of your own life, firmly in your own hands.
4. He opens up emotionally
It may be a stereotype that men find it hard to open up emotionally, but, alas, sometimes it’s true. Whether it’s society's constrictions, upbringing, or insecurity, the world just isn’t as accepting of men displaying emotions, as it is of women. Therefore, when a guy does open up to you about his past, his worries, or his fears, you can be sure he respects you enough to be vulnerable with you.
This has as much to do with trust, as it does with respect. In fact, it’s hard to trust someone without respecting them, because you don’t feel secure enough to do so with someone whose opinion doesn’t count. So, while it might not seem like a big deal when he tells you about how his dad made him feel insignificant, know that it’s a sure sign of emotional respect.
5. He encourages you to succeed
Having respect for someone makes you feel like you’d do anything to help them succeed. You admire the traits that make them who they are, you like feeling proud of them and you want to encourage them toward further success. This is even more prominent at the beginning of a relationship when those very things are what attract you to someone in the first place.
If your guy often throws cold water on your enthusiasm, isn’t interested in encouraging or discussing your goals or, worse, sabotages efforts to improve yourself, he isn’t displaying respect. More than likely, he’s jealous and trying to keep you from spreading your wings, so you’ll fit better into his own plans. That’s your cue to fly away.
6. He’s honest about relationship expectations
Whether you’ve only had five dates or you’re about to hit the year mark, a man who respects you will openly discuss your relationship. Sometimes though, this might mean he’s honest about the fact that he doesn’t want anything serious right now.
However, as long as he’s putting that on the table, you’ll know he respects you. He’s not interested in deceiving you about his feelings, just to keep you hanging in there for his own pleasure. In that case, it’s entirely up to you to stay, or go, if his ideas don’t match your own.
He won’t be scared of discussing where you stand in terms of exclusivity, regular weekend plans, or when to meet each other’s parents, either. No matter what comes of the discussions, a guy who respects you will offer honest, open opinions, to the best of his ability.
7. He wants you to be involved in each other’s lives
If you’ve been seeing a guy for a while and you spend a bit of time together, it makes sense that eventually you’ll meet each other’s friends, family, or workmates. When he respects you, he’ll want to check out all the different aspects of your life and find out what makes you tick.
He’ll also want you to join him, by taking you to work functions, hanging out with his mates, or watching him play soccer on the weekend. On the other hand, if you’re mainly in the dark about a guy’s life, like you don’t know the names of any of his friends or he’s secretive about what he does during the week, be wary of the fact that he might not think you’re worth the investment – which is disrespectful, to say the least.
8. He’s always interested in your pleasure — in and out of bed
If a guy is, for example, only interested in sex and doesn’t respect you at all, he’s going to behave selfishly most of the time. This extends to the bedroom, where he’ll probably be less concerned with rocking your socks off and more focused on getting his rocks off.
A guy who respects you will pretty much put you first, most of the time. He’ll make sure you like the restaurant he’s chosen, give you his jacket when it’s cold, try to make you laugh, and be considerate of your feelings. In bed, it’ll be his utmost pleasure to take you to the finish line, over and over again. Always remember, that you deserve no less.
9. He doesn’t get jealous
Jealousy is a bit confusing, because feeling the effects of the green-eyed monster, in a small way, isn’t necessarily a bad sign. After all, if another man hits on you and your guy feels a bit jealous, he’s also reminded of your value and how lucky he is to have you, so he kind of likes it at the same time.
However, there’s a big difference between this and a man who wants to know where you are all the time, goes through your phone, or has a fit every time you go out without him. These types of actions scream disrespect because he clearly doesn’t trust you or value your privacy.
10. He’s your number-one fan
Think about someone in your life who you really respect. Maybe it’s your mum, a former teacher, or your best friend. When you respect someone, you really are their number one fan and want to see them happy, healthy, and confident in life. A guy who respects you will be in your corner, as your number one fan, in just the same way.
He won’t criticize you, try to make you feel bad about your decisions, or talk you out of dying your hair black because he likes blondes better. He’ll see beyond all that to the real you and won’t selfishly try to bend you to his own desires. He’ll understand and value what he’s found in you, whether it’s a casual romance or a long-term relationship.
And that’s the sort of treatment you truly deserve.
Mark Rosenfield is a dating coach who writes to help women find love within and without. He is the author of Make Him Yours: Beating The Odds Of Modern Dating.