How Your Personality Type Sabotages Their Own Happiness
The definition of happiness is different for everyone, but each Myers-Briggs type has a way of sabotaging their own joy.
Dikushin Dmitry / Shutterstock Your Myers-Briggs personality says a lot about you, including both your good personality traits and the not-so-good. Sometimes, these not-so-good traits get in the way of your journey towards finding happiness.
But this does not mean you’re doomed. We all have our flaws that turn people off; that’s just life. But by being aware of those flaws, you can work on them and turn them into strengths instead.
There’s nothing wrong with knowing the bad and the good behind who you are. Because nothing can hurt you if you have already accepted your flaws. Embracing your abilities and your limitations are what makes you a better person, after all.
Pushing past those limits is step two, but knowing your limits is always step one. And your Myers-Briggs personality type helps give you an idea of your limits that come between you and being happy.
Here's how each Myers-Briggs type sabotages their own happiness.
ISTJ: Paying too much attention to detail
ISTJs are the bright, logical, and wise individuals who are very direct; for them, truth and facts are the most important. With their love of facts, they tend to accumulate a lot of information in their memory. Their focus on concrete facts and data makes them excellent analysts in many different environments.
Although there is nothing wrong with being as thorough as they are, they’re actually missing out on the most important things in life, and that is the source of their unhappiness. They are very analytical and want to know every single detail — every single truth, for that matter — but they end up missing out on being spontaneous from time to time.
The truth won’t always set us free. Sometimes you have to take a risk to be happy.
INFJ: Putting other people before themselves
The INFJ personality type is sensitive towards other people’s feelings. They always lend a hand to people who need help because they are compassionate and empathetic. They are also good at reading individuals and can sense emotions. They have uncanny insight into people and situations.
INFJs can be difficult to understand and that might cause them to be secretive, making them even more mysterious. They are very careful not to hurt anybody through their words and actions, dismissing other peoples’ rudeness and irrationality to make them feel better.
INFJs always think more about what people may feel so they are ready to delay their happiness for others.
INTJ: Moving on too quickly
People with the INTJ personality type are ruthless when it comes to analyzing the usefulness of methods or ideas. While some other Myers-Briggs types would happily accept the argument that things have always been done in this way, INTJs question and challenge the existing procedures.
They tend to question everything and find out the right answer instead. INTJ is always up for the challenge and, because of this, lose their interest pretty quickly when things are already resolved. This is how they slowly sabotage their happiness.
ENFJ: Seeking approval from others
The ENFJ Myers-Briggs personality type finds pleasure in the company of other people, but they also yearn for some time alone. This is due to their extroverted personality and intuitive character. ENFJs should strive to find a balance between the two — to find enough time to reflect on things in their life, but also have time for other people.
When ENFJ spends too much time alone, they have a tendency to feel depressed. When they spend too much time with others, they tend to feel overwhelmed and unable to process everything that has been on their mind. They need to find time for themselves and time for others.
ENFJ also has a tendency to seek the approval of others, which is how they mess up their own happiness. Other peoples’ opinions matter to them; they have a need to feel that others think highly of them and consider them a good person.
They feel depressed once they find out that people don’t like them enough or don’t approve of them, and that makes them feel low about themselves.
ISTP: Not taking risks
The ISTP’s decisions stem from a sense of practical realism and a “do unto others” attitude. Fairness and equality are very important to ISTPs. They are extremely loyal to their friends, but they may need a lot of alone time to recharge.
As introverted individuals, ISTPs are relatively private, which makes it even more difficult for other people to tell what is really going on in their minds.
ISTPs have a habit of conserving their energies for the things they consider important. They are very focused on doing and finishing the things that they miss out on being adventurous. They are too caught up in what’s already in front of them and forget that there are other possibilities out there.
ESFJ: Bottling up their pain
People with the ESFJ personality type are the stereotypical extroverts. They are social butterflies, and their need to interact with others and make people happy usually ends up making them popular.
ESFJs are the comedian within a group and are always the life of the party. But what happens when they are sad? That’s what messes them up the most — they are expected to act happy and cheery all the time, so they end up bottling their pain inside. People are used to them being outgoing, after all.
INFP: Getting caught up in their imagination
INFPs are idealists who care deeply about the world they live in. They feel like they exist to make the world a better place for everyone. They are existentialists, seeking meaning and purpose in their lives. They are lost in their imagination and daydreams, always drowned in the depth of their thoughts, fantasies, and ideas.
INFPs think that whenever something happens, it is like a metaphor that somehow has a deeper meaning that is connected to life. They seek a purpose in someone’s life, and when that person is finally done needing them, INFPs feel like they are somewhat worthless.
They are so dependent on being useful to others that they end up messing up their own happiness, being too caught up in their own imagination and forgetting the life that’s ahead of them.
ESFP: Caring too much about what other people think
ESFPs are “people people” with strong interpersonal skills. They are lively and fun and enjoy being the center of attention. They are warm, generous, friendly, sympathetic, and concerned for other peoples' well-being. ESFPs are easy-going, happy-go-lucky people.
ESFPs depend on the opinion of other people, and when the spotlight is no longer shining on them, it makes them feel rejected and disliked by others, which can cause depression. They are always on the run but cannot go on without the approval of other people.
ENFP: Giving up too easily
The ENFP personality likes to be around other people and has a strong intuitive nature. ENFPs are usually happy unless they are confined to strict schedules or mundane tasks. An unhappy ENFP can misuse their gift of gab and become quite manipulative because their charm makes it easy for them to get what they want.
ENFPs are very competitive, but if you give them enough time they will give up and slowly pass the responsibility to others. They lose hope quickly, even at the slightest hopelessness. They’d give it all up as they are not used to disappointments, even the thing that makes them the happiest.
ESTP: Expecting too much
ESTPs work hard and play hard, and they expect everyone else to adopt this same mentality around them. Networking and making new friends comes naturally to ESTPs because of their outgoing nature and drive to be successful.
These qualities make it easy for ESTPs to get along with just about anyone, as long as they are not deemed to be lazy, flaky, liars, or complainers.
ESTPs want everyone to be like them. They want their group of friends to have the same sense of humor and hyperness. But that’s what sets people apart from them. They want a happy and cheery environment, which they will not get all the time.
ESTJ: Caring too much about the rules
People with the ESTJ personality type are organized, honest, dedicated, dignified, traditional, and do what they believe is right and socially acceptable. Though the paths towards “good” and “right” are difficult, they are glad to take their place as the leaders of the pack. They are the epitome of good citizenry.
ESTJs always want everything to go as planned. They also think about what other people will consider as the right thing to do and lose the opportunity to actually have fun with the person they are with. They are always concerned if what they are doing is acceptable or law abiding, finding it difficult to let loose.
ENTJ: Being controlling
ENTJs are natural born leaders and like being in charge. They live in a world of possibilities and often see challenges and obstacles as great opportunities to push themselves.
The ENTJ personality seems to have a natural gift for leadership, making decisions, and considering options and ideas quickly yet carefully. They are “take charge” people who do not like to sit still.
ENTJs are used to having the upper hand. They must always have the last say on everything, and sometimes that is what sabotages their happiness. They’d rather lose the people they love than lose control; they’d rather have the situation under control than be extremely happy.
INTP: Overthinking
INTPs are well known for their brilliant theories and unrelenting logic, which makes sense since they are arguably the most logical-minded of all the personality types. They love patterns, have a keen eye for picking up on discrepancies, and a good ability to read people, making it a bad idea to lie to or to try to deceive an INTP.
INTPs mess themselves up by overthinking. They think and then think again until they make themselves feel bad. They are also very good at spotting a liar, which can be helpful at times, but this may end up ruining situations and relationships, especially when INTP questions almost everything.
ISFJ: Going with the flow instead of speaking up
ISFJs are warm and kind-hearted. They value harmony and cooperation and are likely to be very sensitive to other people’s feelings. People value the ISFJ personality type for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others.
ISFJs do not know how to express how they truly feel; they are very much aware of their own and others’ feelings, but they do not know how to express them unless they find the right outlet. This is how they slowly let their happiness slip away, as they are very dependent on how situations flow and do not have the courage to make things happen for themselves.
ENTP: Pushing people away
The ENTP personality is a visionary who is capable of generating ideas so large and eccentric that they may be solutions the entire world needs. ENTPs are humorous and quick-witted, but they can also sound arrogant and condescending.
ENTPs can easily detach from other people and have no problem dismissing them from their lives. They ignore others once the ENTP feels like they are distant and cold. They can be insensitive sometimes, which can push people away, and they can easily detect BS, ultimately affecting their happiness.
ISFP: Being too shy
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know. They hold back their ideas and opinions, except from those they are closest to. They are original and independent, but need personal space.
ISFPs have a habit of keeping everything inside them and will not tell anyone else unless they are close friends or family. They hold themselves back; they even keep their talents hidden for the fear of being disliked by everyone else.
Krizzia Paolyn is a poet and writer for various digital magazines and renowned publications. She is the author of “Universe Full of Scars,” and is a contributor to Medium, Entity, and Thought Catalog.