Women Who Do These 15 Things Get Ghosted By Men — For Good!
This might hurt a little.
Unsplash: frankie cordoba Nothing hurts more than when someone cuts you out of their life completely. Blocked. Ghosted. Done.
Being shut out like this is particularly painful when the person doing the ghosting blocks you before you can even attempt to ask questions and gather some sort of an explanation of what went wrong.
Plain and simple, when you are a woman who is suddenly cut off by the man you love and who you believed loved you in return, there is nothing more soul-crushing in the entire world. There just isn't.
And yet, this horrible (and rude!) phenomenon — ghosting is defined as "the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested" — has become so endemic in the world of modern dating, relationships, and even friendships that many consider the act of cutting off all contact to be the de facto method for breakups now.
And while no one should stay in a relationship that isn't working for them, when you go ghost someone out of the blue, you leave so darn many questions unanswered!
It's enough to make anyone feel like a crazy person, because when you have no idea what you said or did that turned the other person off, the reality of breaking just doesn't sync with all of the good things you believed about the relationship you'd been having.
I once dated a man exclusively for six months. He was my boyfriend, and I was his girlfriend.
The relationship ended when he suddenly and without explanation cut off all ties with me.
It wasn't like I thought we were soulmates, as we both had professional opportunities coming in the near future that meant a long-term relationship could never be, but it took me twice as long to get over this relationship as it did for me to recover from any breakup I experienced in the past because of the simple fact that when he cut me off without explanation, it felt like he was denying that he had ever been a meaningful part of my life and vice versa.
When you're a woman and your heart is broken by a man, all you want is for the pain to stop, and for some reason, our minds seem to think that understanding why we were cut off cold turkey will help us towards a state of peaceful acceptance.
I know that if the guy who ghosted me without even saying "Boo" (sorry, but I had to) had just explained why he wanted out of the relationship, it would have made it much easier for my heart to engage in the healing process.
While you may never get the answer you want from the man who cut you off without explanation, you might be able to gain some insight into his behavior by reading what several men on the Reddit forum Ask Men have to say about it.
Recently, one redditor asked the guys, "Men who cut off certain women from your life why did you do it?"
While men aren't always quick to open up about their feelings, these men didn't hold anything back when it came to explaining their reasons for ghosting women by suddenly cutting off all contact and blocking them from their lives for good.
Here are 15 examples of things women did that got them ghosted and blocked by men — for good.
1. Playing games.
"She was a liar and manipulator. Charming, but bad for my soul. Relationships and friendships are not games. If you want to play games, buy one and leave me alone. Someone still playing Cosmo games in her 30s and with kids? Grow up. Told her I wouldn't even talk to her again. Then, she wants to talk. Walked past her and left her standing there. Spoke not a syllable."
2. Taking him to court.
"My first ex-girlfriend tried to take me to court. She kept everything in our break up. We lived together for years. Even stuff I paid for. I did it just to walk away. Then, she tried to sue me for things she still owed on and kept. She brought her new boyfriend to court.
The judge stopped everything. 'So, both your names are on the bill and you kept the item?'
Her: 'Yes.'
Judge: 'Feel free to pay it then.Case dismissed.'
The stare and smile I gave her was worth the day off I couldn't afford at the time. And, he cheated on her later. Still, if the opportunity rises again, years later, I won't let her walk away clean if it's an option. Not if I can help it. And it's been years. I carry grudges for life. Not a good thing. But, when you cross the line, you stay there."
3. Acting entitled.
"Such a huge sense of entitlement and she showed almost no gratitude. For Christmas, I made reservations at Flemings, a nice steakhouse. I got her a nice gift and was really looking forward to giving her a nice time on Christmas. She insisted that I tell her where we were going so that she would know how to dress. I told her and she said, 'Make other plans.' I didn't even bother picking her up. I sent the gift back to Amazon and used the money to buy myself an Oris watch."
4. Making him feel used.
"She would constantly ask to hang out just to smoke weed. Every single time. Then she hooked up with my friend when she knew I was interested in her. That’s when I figured out I was just being used. I dropped her instantly."
5. Going for a walk on the wild side.
"She was living her life in a way that I could not condone or support and that was harming herself and those around her, including several of our mutual friends. There was a lot of manipulative behavior and using other people, a lot of flagrant cheating and emotional abuse of the men she involved herself with, and a deeply unhealthy relationship with alcohol and then other drugs. What began as discussing how to stage an intervention ended with many of us deciding that we just were done with her."
6. Not liking him enough ... or liking him too much.
"I cut off a girl once because she didn’t like me enough and, even though companionship beats loneliness, I wasn’t going to settle for someone who was settling for me. I deserved better than that, I decided. It was probably the most zen, wise decision I ever made. Like, I had reached a perfect level of enlightenment and was making the best possible choices for the best possible reasons.
On the other end of the spectrum, I once broke up with a girl because she made me too happy. (Which, as a creative person, I felt like the happiness was ruining my ability to create.) So I’ve definitely made some next-level stupid, young, immature moves with girls."
7. Dumping all of your insecurities in his lap.
"I've cut more than a few out. Have only one female friend left. Have often found that me 'being their friend' is automatic license for them to dump every single solitary emotional problem and crisis in my lap. Being supportive to a friend is one thing. I have a life to live and my own issues. Don't need to constantly be bombarded with others. Have found over the years that a lot of women don't want to just 'hang'. Its usually an issue-laden, constant stream of insecurity and problems."
8. Being all take and no give.
"My ex. We were in the same friend group so we tried to be friends after we broke up even though I knew she left me for my best friend (I know, I know. I was young and had no confidence and was in love with her still). When she started dating him, she would come to me with relationship problems. It became apparent that she only wanted me for what I could give to her, i.e., emotional support and friendship, but didn't give anything back. I cut her out and was the best thing I've ever done."
9. Not being able to stay chill.
"Not to humblebrag, just for context, I am above-average looking. This has led to nearly every real female friend I've ever had to develop feelings for me, even when we were very obviously not romantic matches. I decided a few years back to not keep female friends, because it kept ending dramatically. The only exceptions to this are Ashley and Sarah, a lesbian couple who are two of my dearest friends."
10. Breaking his heart.
"I loved her. Probably always will a little bit. So I would've just kept being there for her and keep letting her hurt me."
11. Making him feel wrong about everything.
"She simply could not admit when she was wrong, even about the small and pointless things. I became tired of apologizing every time for nothing, basically. Also realized that I was the only one doing an effort to initiate conversation, so I stopped doing that, and it has been radio silent ever since (for some years already).
It's weird, I considered her one of my best friends and one of the few people that I could talk with about anything. I know for sure that if she was a guy it would be dead simple to get back in touch and put this behind our backs, but with her personality ... I really doubt it."
12. Constantly flip-flopping.
"I was super into her but she was mentally unstable and kept flip-flopping whether she wanted to date or not."
"After a while I couldn't take anymore and knew that if I hung around, eventually she'd want to date again and I'd fall back into the cycle."
13. Having another man in your life.
"This one girl I was really physically attracted to her. It wasn't reciprocal and since I'm personally unable to be 'just friends' with someone I find sexually attractive, I cut off because it was honestly too unpleasant to see her, knowing some other dude was her boyfriend."
14. Refusing to ever accept responsibility.
"She has always caused problems for herself and then she puts the blame on everyone but herself. I try to give advice and she says I'm stupid and accuses me of harming her or being unfair. She always wants more help. The more you give the more she asks for. The closer you get the more you get manipulated and punished for failing to help her. The further away I get the less I get scolded."
15. Getting mad over little things.
"She would snap at me over the silliest irrational things and stop talking to me for a couple of days. Then come back and beg for forgiveness. Well, one of those times I just stopped responding at all."
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.