15 Things To Remember When You Feel Like You Aren't Enough
Stop thinking those toxic thoughts.
Leon Macapagal / Pexels via Canva Each person has their own struggle with being enough, or what I like to call “enoughness.”
What does being enough even mean? What does it look like or feel like? Well, a synonym of the word is “sufficient” or “plenty.” Sometimes we can feel like we are not truly sufficient in our jobs, or maybe as friends, partners, or even parenting.
There is a lot of pressure in this world to be perfect. But remember, perfect and enough are not the same thing, and who wants perfect anyway?
I want to do my best and always work to be better than the day before, and that helps me work on this feeling of being “enough.” But what about on days I “accidentally” scroll through social media and see the feeds of everyone I believe are better than me? I begin to wonder once again: Am I enough?
Here are 15 things to remember when you feel like you aren't enough.
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Everyone compares themselves to others. They might be telling you how to live, what to think, what to do, how to dress, or maybe you think you should look like them because they get loads of praise. Some of it is real, and some of it is in your head.
They do not have the most glorious life on the planet, no matter how much it appears on social media. They still get up and put their clothes on like you, struggle like you, and have worries just like you. Remember that.
2. Get your head in the game.
Use whatever terminology you want here, but if you are in the past, in the future, in the clouds, or in some other place that isn’t now, you have to remember that now is a necessary step to moving forward, no matter how hard now actually is.
"Now" can go from being the worst moment ever to being the springboard into a new way of thinking. "Now" can be embraced as the point you decide to take back your life. "Now" can become a whole new place for you.
Life is composed of tiny moments of "now," and some of your best "now" moments might be in the making, but you have to focus on this one. Repeat as needed.
3. Don’t listen to everything you think about yourself.
As I was working with someone, I said to them, “Your mind is telling you this is hard because it wants you to stay stuck. It’s comfortable there. You have a blanket fort and snacks, and it whispers thoughts of lies."
But everything you want is on the other side of that place. You want to change your body image. You want to change the way you start and stop a program.
So, make your hard place your new comfort zone. Work so much in that area that if you miss a day there, you feel uncomfortable. Modify and tell yourself this is your new comfort zone. Modify your thoughts. Stop telling yourself you can’t and say, "It’s a start. I can at least do this much today, and that will be better than what I did yesterday."
4. A bad day does not end your progress.
I had a really bad weekend because I did the opposite of what I knew I should do. I caved in for someone I love. But it wasn’t the end of the world.
In fact, it made me so mad that I pushed even more in my ongoing workout and nutrition challenge, one that seemed almost impossible when I first started it. And then I thought, "Okay, I have seen that things don't come easy for me, so now I know that one cheat day makes me feel worse."
There was a lesson here and I have to move on.
5. Your gratitude cannot be ignored.
You have a choice to feel grateful for the things you have or to ignore them. When I ignored the things I had, when I was in my worst pain, diagnosed with yet another disease, my pain intensified. When I took time out of my day to start or end with my gratitude list, my pain decreased.
As I was thinking about all the things I had to be grateful for, my heart would feel full and such good thoughts stimulate the part of the brain that reduces stress; it is scientifically proven to work on turning your day, week, and life around.
6. Daily practice makes you stronger.
As you work through your doubts, fears, and worries, you replace them with affirmations of strength, sayings of “I am enough”, and gratitude practices. But the truth is you are flexing that ability to change your thoughts, to believe in yourself and your immense power to change.
It doesn’t matter what you are facing, you can truly overcome what you once thought you could not do. As you focus on your power to change to move forward, the entire universe works to help you by showing you little signs that you are truly on the right path. Notice those signs.
7. Each day is up to you, so don’t give that away.
As you stay in this moment, this hour, this day, think about what brings you joy. If you have the chance to pause between choosing an action that does not bring you joy, like arguing or stressing out over things that haven’t even happened, try to choose the moment that will give you greater clarity.
You are enough. You have enough. You are worthy of choosing the better thought. Take it.
8. You have survived all of the worst moments of your life.
If this is your one life-line thought, use it to your advantage. Run down all of your worst moments and think about how far you have come. Use your struggles as stepping stones.
Trust me, there have been some pretty dark moments, some days when I wasn’t sure what would come next, and then I slept on it. Got up the next day, and started all over again working towards making this life one I am proud of. No one said life was going to be easy. It really is what you make of it.
9. There is more right with you than there is wrong.
Jon Kabat-Zinn has a quote that reads, “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.” And he's right.
When you focus on the little things about you that you consider "flaws," you may also start to remember all the positive things you like about yourself. When you start to feel like you aren't good enough, remember that. After all, we are all human.
10. No one can do better than you.
You are walking down your own path that no one else can follow, so no one else can walk it better than you. Lift your head and move forward, because this path was made just for you to journey down.
Don't get discouraged when others tell you that you are lacking something, whatever it may be. Keep in mind that they don't know your path, only you do.
11. You can always do something small.
Big things may seem overwhelming and intimidating, especially when you are stressed out about daily life. But there is always something small you can do to help you feel accomplished or productive.
Whether it's at work, in your home, or in your relationships, breaking things down into smaller pieces or steps allows you to finish something you've started, at least partially. And when you do that, it can make the bigger tasks seem less difficult.
12. View failures as lessons.
One of the best things you can do when you are feeling like you are not enough is to change your perspective, especially when it comes to failures. You may have been told most of your life that failures are a bad thing, but the exact opposite is true.
When you mess up or fail, think of them as lessons where you gained insight or learned something new.
13. Scars are symbols of your strength.
You have gone through the ringer, and this is why you feel like you are not good enough. You get hit with one letdown after the other. But you know what? You are still here and you are thriving, even if you don't feel like you are.
Every scar on your heart is what makes you stronger. It makes you who you are. Wear them with pride.
14. You have gained more than you have lost, and you have become someone stronger.
This one is very difficult to wrap your head around, especially if you have lost people you care about. I know for a fact that everyone I have lost would want the best for me in life.
The year after I lost my grandmother to cancer was particularly hard for me. A few years after that, we would discover that I had a genetic disease, not one, but 3.
I thought of the grace, strength, and faith of my grandmother. I thought of her simple Southern phrase: "The Lord willing and the creek don’t rise." I made sure that I was willing to do the work I was called to do because I knew for a fact that I was called to help others.
Use your situation in the best way you possibly can. Start something new, and use those gifts from your loss, pain, or feelings of not “enoughness.” Because I know that someone out there is watching you and thinks you are strong. You just don’t know it yet.
15. Get still and listen to your inner self.
Remember to be still each day, at the end of the day, and listen to your inner guide. Pray, meditate, journal, affirm you are enough, and put in the work. It will happen for you.
I know it to be true because I have seen it in my work with hundreds of people, as well as in my own life.
Aimee Halpin is a wellness coach and contributing writer for Elder and Wiser Magazine, Awakening People, SimpleReminders, HelloPeace, The Wellness Universe, and Radiant Earth Magazine. Her work focuses on wellness, lifestyle, and personal growth topics.