7 Warning Signs You're In Love With A Low-Value Man
You deserve better than to settle for a man like this.
David Garrison / Pexels The man you choose is the most important decision you'll ever make. It will influence your future health and happiness and, consequently, the future health and happiness of all your family and friends.
A man can exhibit one or two seemingly red flags and still be a high-value person. However, if a man continually exhibits two or more of these signs, he's just not a good boyfriend.
At the end of the day, don't force a relationship for the sake of it, especially when you know in your heart and soul that you don't trust him. And if you chronically don't trust him, chances are other women won't either.
Here are 7 warning signs of a low-value man
1. He can't tolerate you saying 'no'
Sometimes, we mistake a man's intentions. This means you unintentionally put your own meaning upon a man's actions, and this is an entirely normal, human thing to do. You could have been doing this throughout all your dating experiences, not realizing there are consequences to grossly misinterpreting men's intentions.
So how do you really know if he can tolerate your "no" or not? First of all, tell him "no" while being totally connected to him. Don't do it for the sake of seeming higher value.
As a woman, it's easy to misinterpret a man's response in that particular moment, afraid of truly connecting with him or even just being judgmental. We think he can't tolerate it, but we pulled away from him emotionally before we could even have a chance to truly feel whether he's willing to accept our "no."
Provided you're totally present with a man, and he's totally present with you, if you say "no" to being touched or grabbed, or anything else, and he just gets angry at you for not giving him what he wants, you can be pretty sure he's low-value.
If, in response to your boundaries or saying "no," he wants to bring you down for it, and can't engage lovingly and playfully with you, or even laugh in enjoyment with you when you say "no," he may as well be a low-value man.
2. He puts you down
Putting a woman down is an insecure man's way of trying to keep her chained to him, reducing her self-esteem, and making her feel like her "other options" in men are limited. The more a man can make a woman doubt herself, the more likely a small man can make his woman feel small too.
Women can get stuck in this situation because (in general, there are exceptions) they tend towards feeling guilty more than men do — and some men sense this about women and can play on it. They keep women hooked on a relationship with them by inducing guilt.
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What's bad about this trait of low value in men is not necessarily that the man has this quality — it's the fact that many women tolerate it. You get what you tolerate, so be an inspiration and don't tolerate being treated poorly.
If a man puts you down and doesn't treat you as an equal, consider him a low-value person who doesn't deserve to be in your life.
3. He's overly concerned about his image
When everything he does is for show, women tend to have trouble trusting men like this, as he's not self-contained and of substance, even if he has the potential to be. And every man has the potential to be!
But how can you trust a man who spends more energy painting an image than he spends in his actual business? How can you trust a man who spends more energy defending himself than he does revealing himself?
Often, a man who is image-focused can't stay connected, because he's too afraid and feels unworthy. He's focused on the image because he thinks that will make him worthy of connection. And though this is not negative, it's just being aware, don't fall for the image.
Some men will risk almost anything for the appearance of status, and status is still for power. The good thing is, a lot of men also don't do things like this. There are lots of men out there who are deeply into commitment and partnership.
Still, it's best to steer clear of men like this.
4. He always chooses low-value friends
Sometimes, out of fear, he will chronically choose less-than-average friends. Sometimes it's because he feels mediocre and, because of that, his ego feels afraid at the thought of associating with people who are "ahead" of him.
Look for whether he's open to opportunities to befriend high-value, high-status men. The key is his level of openness to befriend men that are more successful than him.
Just because he has deadbeat friends doesn't 100% mean he's low-value. He could be in transition from certain friends to new friends, or he could be trying to influence his friends to become better.
There are men out there who purposefully never make friends with men who are better than them; he may not feel good enough, and wants to hide from the reality and challenge of making something of his life.
But if you've got a really great man, it's inevitable that at some stage, some of his friends might not be as accomplished or as genuine as he is — and that's normal. Consider it a good sign if he has friends from all walks of life!
5. He's quick to criticize other men and women
When we feel like we're not enough and not striving for more, we want to put others down and criticize them. It's because we need to maintain our place of comfort. If we brought others up instead, we'd have to acknowledge the place we're at is not ideal, and sometimes, that's too painful.
Criticizing other men and women is the tool of a man who feels scared, who doesn't want change, who likes to stay small, and who sees the world from a place of scarcity. Other people's success is at odds with his own.
But a truly successful man (or woman), a high-value one, is willing to learn from others. He knows that if someone else does well, it's an indication of what's possible for him, too.
6. He's stingy — not just to you, but to other people as well
A low-value man is so out of touch that he's not attuned to your feelings. Instead, he lavishes you with gifts, without really knowing you but attempting to buy your love. He's also out of sync with you and seems to withhold everything of value — connection, attention, and money, for example.
This isn't the type of man you want to be with. Rather, you want a man gradually becoming more generous with you as he opens up to feeling safe enough to share his resources. But sometimes, we unknowingly get involved with a man who is stingy.
This really isn't about money. If a man is not generous to any degree, it's a reflection of how he feels about the world, and the resources available in the world, and it's a sign he doesn't feel confident taking charge and being resourceful.
A man who doesn't feel very capable will be more stingy. A man who isn't generous keeps himself small. If he's stingy, he may not be a very resourceful man either. There are exceptions, of course, and it's contextual. If a man was once stingy, it doesn't mean he will always be stingy.
And, of course, there are degrees and levels of generosity. He doesn't have to pour out his money, attention, time, or intellectual thoughts like water out of a tap. It's about his openness to sharing a piece of himself or what he has.
It's up to you to gauge what level of generosity you're comfortable with. A woman who is okay with a man being stingy is letting him stay small, and it will also influence you — if you spend enough time with him, you will also stay small and think small.
7. You sometimes feel physically ill at the thought of sleeping with him
Your body doesn't lie. And this doesn't mean because he has food in his teeth or bad breath. There's no need to stay with a man because your logical thoughts think you should be more "open" to the idea of giving more men a chance. There's no need to be too nice.
If all else about him is A-grade, but you can't sleep with him without feeling sick, all you're really doing is trading sex for his resources. There's nothing wrong with that, as many women have made it work in the past and then left the man.
Photo: Alex Green / Pexels
If you aren't attracted to a man for very specific traits outside of physical appearance, he may not be the right guy for you. But don't berate yourself for feeling a certain way; it's just an indicator that you don't have room in your life for low-value men.
It might seem arrogant to deem someone as having low value. But we all make decisions to be romantically involved with someone based on how much value that person presents.
There's no need to feel guilty about judging whether or not a man is low-value. Women don't want to invest their time, energy, money, resources, and emotions in a man who shows low value.
The world isn't always kind. And that's okay. It's okay to talk about a man's value, and, especially when dating, you're always evaluating a man for his value to you — in the world of love, this is a harsh truth we cannot escape.
We don't want someone with low value. It doesn't serve us — and it doesn't serve the future generation.
Renee Wade is an author, coach, thought leader in masculine-feminine polarity and long-term relationships, and the founder of The Feminine Woman.