3 Ways To Fix Your Relationship (& Learn To Love Unconditionally)
Reaching an understanding isn't as hard as you think.
getty There's always a time in your relationship when your partner just gets on your nerves. We've all had the experiences when it feels as if our boyfriend or spouse is pushing our buttons on purpose. He says the right things to make you angry, and half the time he doesn't even realize it!
After so many years together, how could he not know what your favorite movie is? How many times do you need to remind him to take out the garbage? Or isn't it crazy how he always gets toothpaste all over the sink? But doesn't ever clean it up? You're his partner, not his babysitter. Is it possible to ignore everything and love him unconditionally?
All of the annoying little things he does add up over time, and it becomes difficult to give him love unconditionally. It's an uphill battle really.
As a result, you can accidentally start putting limits on your love. He didn't do what I asked him to, so no hanky panky tonight. Or I'll just not talk to him, and then he'll get the message that he messed up. These actions seem like a great idea at the time, but can end up ruining your relationship.
Can you learn how to fix your relationship and improve your relationship in the process?
Our YourTango Experts give us the scoop on ways you can learn to love your partner unconditionally, even when it seems impossible:
1. Start with you.
"Learning to love your partner unconditionally starts with loving yourself. Accepting your mistakes, flaws, and parts that aren’t so likable makes it much more likely that you’ll approach your partner in the same way.
The two things we all want from the person we love are to be forgiven when necessary, and reassured that we're loved. This is one powerful way to cultivate unconditional love in your relationship."
Dr. Sue Mandel is a psychologist and dating coach who specializes in relationships and the psychobiology of love. She brings 27 years of unique experience helping individuals and couples find and keep love in their lives. For a FREE 20 minute consultation to get immediate help for your dating dilemma, contact Dr. Sue to schedule your appointment. To learn more visit www.DrSuesConnections.com or email her at drsue@drsuesconnections.com.
2. Learn how to listen and understand each other.
"If you don’t already have great communication skills, you should learn them! Repeat back what each other says so that you both feel heard and accurately understood. There’s something magically connecting when you feel understood, even if your partner disagrees with you.
However, don’t confuse unconditional love and unconditional tolerance. You can love your partner unconditionally, but choose to not live with his or her choices. Repeated infidelity, active drug or alcohol addiction, verbal or physical abuse are a few of the behavior choices that do not deserve tolerance, although your love may never be in question."
Nancy Landrum, M.A. has been teaching couples for twenty-five years the skills that keep love alive. Two of her client-couples have been featured in FIRST Magazine for Women. Although she’s written six books, her signature book, “How to Stay Married & Love It! Solving the Puzzle of a SoulMate Marriage” is highly recommended and raved about by clients. You can find Nancy on her website or click here to schedule a phone appointment.
3. Identify your differences and compromise.
“One common source of pain with our partners is money. Couples fight because how your partner handles money can drive you nuts or make you feel awful. In fact, money is the number one reason couples divorce. In fact, 70 percent of couples are married to someone who views money completely opposite of how they do. And they’re not going to change. It’s hardwired into who they are.
But don't despair. Figure out your differences, and try little by little to love the positives of their opposite. If they love to save and you hate it, see the benefit a savings stash provides you down the road. If they love to spend and you hate it, recognize the great things you have or the memories you’ve made because they encourage you to loosen the purse strings a little.
Find ways to love unconditionally how they are wired and learn new ways to work together, even if it seems impossible right now.”
Scott & Bethany Palmer, The Money Couple, are financial planners, authors, and speakers who help couples tackle money issues in their relationship. Grab a copy of The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language, and take their FREE online Money Personality Assessment.
4. Don't ask your partner to change.
"One of the best ways to love our partner unconditionally is by accepting them unconditionally. Accepting them exactly where they're at, without needing them to change. Really allowing them to be fully themselves, warts and all. Because when we need them to be different, it's because we're the ones who feel uncomfortable."
So if you're struggling with the ability to give your partner unconditional love, look in the mirror. Do the inner work needed to become more accepting of where both you and your partner are now, so you can come together as a team and offer one another the unbridled love, support and encouragement you both need.
After all, this is what unconditional love is all about.
Kelly Ann Garnett is a certified love attraction coach, certified life coach, spiritual psychologist ,and educator who understands the deep desire and longing for a soulmate — and what it takes to stay loyal to yourself as you journey toward each other. Visit her website to download her free eBook “ and for more information about how she can help you on your path.
For more advice from incredible people in helping professions, look to our YourTango Experts. They are here to help!
Jamille Jones is a freelance writer who taught English in Hiroshima, Japan for 2 years. She's an Asian culture enthusiast, chocolate addict, video gamer, and loves to teach for the heck of it.