Why Crushing On Someone Other Than Your Boyfriend Can Legitimately Make Your Relationship Better
Not even kidding!
weheartit Strange as this might sound, I recently came to realize that recognizing you have a crush on someone other than your significant other (or that your significant other has a crush on someone other than you) can actually be a positive experience that enhances your relationship, rather than destroying it.
Here's why.
I had been working at a certain Philadelphia restaurant for several months before I finally talked to one of the guys on my team. He had always been there, but he was a good deal older than me and nothing had ever brought us together.
One night, after a drunken work party, we took a long walk and realized that, although we didn’t have much in common, something about the way we talked created this zinging connection that neither of us could ignore.
As time went on, we went on lunches together and explored the city a few times, but he was married and I was in a happy two-year-old relationship.
There were times when I was ready to drop everything for him, but I certainly didn’t want to cheat, and he had a family to worry about. The opportunity was there, and it was tempting, but we continually reminded ourselves that it was not a good idea and nothing ever happened.
Looking back on my own experience, I learned that crushing on someone else can actually help relationships in these three ways.
1. It reminds you of what you have.
A crush can be confusing, especially if you’re already involved in a happy relationship, but sometimes it also serves as a reminder to everyone involved that there are other options. Sometimes other options are more attractive, but sometimes they only remind you of what you already have and why it’s so special.
In my case, I felt a newfound appreciation for my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I got together because we have so many of the same interests and ideas. Even though my crush and I clicked, I learned that sometimes that click is a fleeting connection, and sometimes a click is a signal that a longer relationship can grow over time.
My crush and I recognize how well we get along, and that’s a friendship I never want to let go of, but ultimately, my boyfriend is the one I want to explore with, have invested political debates with, and who I miss when all I want to do is talk at 3 a.m. I found out quickly that my work crush likes to stick to what he knows, while I love trying new things and bounding out of my comfort zone like I'm on a moon bounce!
2. It makes you more honest and loving.
My boyfriend and I were able to openly discuss our feelings about crushes and how they sometimes just happen, which brought us to a deeper understanding of each other and reinforced the love we share. other. Jealousy and fear are monsters that will ride a relationship until it dies if you allow them to, and if my boyfriend had been upset that I was creating a friendship with someone I knew from work, I'm sure it would have ended our relationship.
Instead, he allowed me to grow and explore (assuming I was behaving), without dishing out hard blows that would end in resentment on my part and rejection on his. We make it a point to not expect each other to be perfect all the time, and his acceptance of my friendship added a level of realism to our relationship that served as a platform for honesty and continued love.
Our honesty allowed us to grow together, recognize this opportunity, and remember everything we have going for us.
3. It might change your mind.
Just because you feel a strong connection to someone, that doesn’t mean it has to lead to something more. My friend and I were able to foster our deep connection through getting to know each other gradually, and I still consider him to be one of my best friends.
On the other hand, your crush might be your heart's way of telling you that it’s time to move on and let go of your current relationship. There’s nothing quite as numbing as trying to stay in a dead relationship for no reason other than the sake of wanting to make it work, and maybe this new guy is exactly the push you need to get away from someone who is toxic for you.
Positives aside, having a crush during a relationship is difficult, tricky, and stressful, but if you make it to the other side without hurting anyone, you can learn a lot about yourself and your partner.
Experiencing that crush helped me remember how wonderful my boyfriend is, and that's something I still haven’t forgotten. It reminded me of how much I appreciate him, and we've go on to build a long-term relationship that is continuously growing and changing. To me, that is far more important than the sweet and fleeting connection I had with my crush.
Crushes aren’t always something that you can control, but they are definitely something you can explore cautiously.
It can be dangerous to hold in pent-up emotions without an outlet — even if that outlet is only a Sunday brunch to catch up once in a while!
In my case, my relationship was reinforced and our fire was rekindled, thanks to my crush. For that, I will be forever grateful that I had the opportunity to explore a crush without feeling ashamed for a perfectly natural human emotion.
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