5 Zodiac Signs That Are The Absolute Worst, Sloppiest Lovers
They're selfish as hell.
weheartit Simply because the majority of us enjoy sex, it does not mean we're good at it, or even slightly above vile in our lovemaking skills. Come to think of it, that might be a good thing, if you know what I mean. After all, isn't sex about losing one's inhibitions and letting it all hang out?
Then again, there is such a thing as too awful for words when it comes to being a lover, and that can run from how completely NOT into it you are, to how neglectful you are of your lover.
What makes a lover sloppy? The answer can range. A sloppy lover can be the one who has an orgasm and couldn't care less if you do, or they can be that one person who REALLY should have taken at least a quick shower before hopping into the sack with you.
Some people are naturally inclined to piggish, selfish sexual behavior. And others can go to the opposite extreme and become fastidious and uptight sexual partners.
While only one sign of the zodiac can claim the title of "the worst," there are five in particular that, for some reason, just make you want to put your clothes back on. Here are the five zodiac signs that make the worst lovers — and are super-sloppy about it.
1. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
They are the definition of the word "hungry" when it comes to sex, and their appetite for orgasmic ecstasy is so ridiculous that they will plow through everyone and anyone to claim that elusive big O as their own. But so what, everyone wants to climax?
Ah, that's true, but Taureans want all the attention, and like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, they like to say afterwards, "None for you!" You're a happy meal for Taurus. Next window, please.
2. ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Oh no, you could never really call an Aries sloppy, but you could certainly tell that beneath that well appointed exterior, there's a disgusting beast of a sex maniac who wants to be pleased — at your expense.
Truth: Aries really doesn't give a flying f*ck if you have an orgasm. They're not thrilled to please you, they don't care. "Gimme, gimme, gimme" is the Aries sexual theme song. Sloppy is what they are when they show you that they just don't care.
3. SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Sag is so prone to perversion that you'd think they'd actually be good in bed... ah, therein lies the rub, so to speak. They're not into humans.
Sag will have you convinced that you're a part of a greater fictional world where you're a sexual Olympian, and then, just as you start believing your imaginative Sagittarian friend's wild tale, they'll let you know that you're sort of inferior and maybe not want they actually meant when they said, "Olympian."
They are sloppy with their words... the kind of sloppy that'll make you want to escape out their window.
4. LEO (July 23 - August 22)
It's not that Leo is bad in bed or particularly sloppy, it's that they're so completely in denial that anything exists outside of themselves that it shocks them when they realize they're not masturbating and are actually with another living human being.
They are into themselves, these spotlit actors of the sexual arena, and all dalliances are essentially about how to support Leo's fantasy of themselves. Leo forgot to ask you your name, and that's pretty dang sloppy of them. No manners!
5. PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Alright, we've spoken enough about the subtleties of sloppy, the mental-emotional aspects, but what about good ol' poor hygiene? I'm sorry, Pisces... it's you. You need a bath, hippy.
Where you might be trying out that natural scent program — you know the one where you don't use soap for a year? Yeah, that one. Well, Pisces is the raunchmeister of the zodiac. So, if you like it raw, like an onion, then get yourself a Pisces lover to fulfill all of your sloppy, messy desires.
Ruby Miranda is a New Yorker who learned astrology, I Ching and all types of cartomancy and numerology from her crazy, gypsy mother. She currently writes for a wide range of esoteric publications.