11 Messages Guys Send On Tinder When They're Only Interested In Having Sex
Does he really like you... or just the idea of getting you into his bed?
weheartit When you're a woman on dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, it's often tough trying to figure out how to tell if a guy likes you or if he's just looking for casual sex and an easy hook up. He may seem genuinely excited to meet you. Hey may be engaging and funny and seem be having a great time chatting away with you, but it still feels pretty much impossible to say for sure what his intentions without asking him directly.
And let's be real. Who wants to do that before you've even met the man?
When my friends ask for advice about their dating app profiles, I always tell them to include exactly what they are looking for, be it sex, casual dating, or long-term, honest-to-goodness, once-in-a-lifetime true love. Plenty of men other than those I have personally advised do this as well, of course, but this world being the place that it is, there are obviously many others out there who instead write what they think women want them to say in the hopes of getting into their pants and then back out the door as quickly as humanly possible.
If you want to know if a potential boy toy is looking for a one night stand, there are, in fact, some things you can look for. If you happen to be looking for a one night stand, this list is invaluable and the same goes if the notion of a one night stand sends you running for the hills!
Take, for example, this full thread of "gentlemen" on Reddit sharing tips with each other for tricking a woman into bed.
"My level of game is just fine but this is the one thing I just can't seem to figure out how to approach.
I pull dates from Tinder nicely, most turn into multiple dates and sex and on occasion it's sex on a first date. Like everyone, I enjoy the chase so all of that is just fine but... sometimes I just want (free) sex without going through all of that.
Maybe my mindset is just wrong here but in my head, I feel as though going straight for sex on Tinder is just going to see me getting ignored. So, for those of you who do it, what does your approach/game/process look like?
I'm good enough in the looks department, present well and I know I'm interesting so I focus on building intrigue and comfort. It works but it's not fast and it doesn't directly set the expectation of sex (because I don't have an expectation. I meet women I find attractive, I do me and see where we end up). I just don't know how to target casual sex and that feels weird to say.
EDIT: I feel it's relevant to mention that I'm 30 as well. I'm sure this would have been quite different at 18."
Well, ladies, it's time to turn the tables on these players and put their shenanigans to use for the good instead of for the sleazy.
We sorted through the ridiculous amount of "advice" these guys exchanged with one another to find some perfect examples of what you should be on the lookout for when you're trying to get a solid of sense of who really is, and who really isn't, looking for something real on Tinder.
So if you're still wondering how to tell if a guy on a dating app likes you or just wants a one-night stand, be wary of those who wave any of these 11 red flags.
1. He gets sexual right off the bat.
"I confess that I used the name pun thing. There was a girl 'Ana' and I opened with something I don't really remember, but it was something like 'your name is almost one of my favorite things in the world, but it's missing the 'L'' It got us started."
2. He asks you why you're there.
"I've said 'do you want to use tinder for what it was made for' on the second or third message to some pretty good success."
3. He invites you over to his place for the first "date."
"Honestly my game [totally sucks], all I say is 'you down to hang?' It works 1/3 of the time and usually get a response saying 'yes, what are we gonna do?'. Then I say something like, 'come over and we can watch a movie with my pup'. They're usually down if they respond."
4. He INSISTS that everything be on his own terms.
"You set up quickly that you want to meet, then only ever agree to meet exactly on your terms. Your time permitted, your schedule, etc and because 'you're so busy it'd be best if she just comes to hangout at your place'. If they keep trying to talk to you without meeting (at your place) then you keep asking when she is available. If you get asked what you'll do together, make it vague, unless you've got a legit reason with a particular girl, like you're both into air guitars and she wants to come over and check out yours. If someone asks what you're looking for, then obviously just say whatever comes along!"
5. He acts like you're just one of many options available to him.
"The man who seems the most interesting/creative/ready/sexually suggestive but not blatantly about sex aka not begging for sex or asking for sex or overly sexual... will win that girl. This man usually and unintentionally has a personality within his texts that suggests he really doesn't care about the girl and can have the same fun interaction with any other girl.. while being genuinely interested in her.. due to his pure flirt attitude. the interaction is best described as fun. fun/flirtatious/can keep it going hundreds of messages if he wants to..."
6. He sets up a date somewhere SUPER close to his place.
"Not going to give away my secret lines (lol), but I will say that getting a girl to come back to your place is much easier if the date is within walking distance to your place. Works best in big cities."
7. He tries way too hard to make you laugh.
"Funny is awesome!!! Funny guys are closers! And, if you don't hit it off it is way likely that the woman is willing to play wing and get you someone."
8. He wants to meet up immediately.
"So what I've found is that girls who agree to it suggest meeting the same day as you match are intentionally looking for a one night stand..."
9. He makes just the idea of getting serious into a joke.
"My opening line is almost always the same (mainly because I'm lazy and wrote software to automate the posting, and sometimes swiping, for me).. I'll give it away because I don't really care anymore. I used to guard my Tinder lines but I come up with new ones all the time. It's fun testing. Anyway, this one has worked well for me..
'Hey <Name>. So we've matched. I guess this means things are getting pretty serious between us. Seems so fast but hey, my mom's excited so...'
That's it. So stupid (I know).. but I usually get a 'Hah, you're funny' or 'You didn't! hahah' I find it useful to start things off with a joke. Corny or not.
Of course like most Tinder interactions (at least mine and all my buddies) you're gonna get a percentage who just un-match right away. Still, that line has served me well over the last year. I even passed it along to some friends in Central America who were using it on American tourists visiting and they were cleaning house with it."
10. He wants access to your social media right away.
"I ask for Instagram account openly admitting it is to check if they are real. That's the first thing I do. Then I make a comment on something which got my attention. Then I ask for a date.
I usually phrase it like "how about we grab a bite to eat or a drink? is Thursday or Saturday better for you?"
Honestly, every date which had that exact set up method worked for me afterward. It cuts quickly the bullshit... I think some ppl appreciate that. I certainly do."
11. He uses a d*ck pic in his profile. Yes, seriously.
"I seriously took a d*ck pic and put it as one of my pics and I got 3 offers for sex but seriously if u want a one night stand just be upfront and say she hot.Then impress her by saying you are a beast in bed and would rub your hands all over Howe body... Also have a good bio and put important details that will interest people like cool hobbies"
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.