15 Honest Women Share Their Favorite (Super Weird) Masturbation Techniques
All's fair in love and the pursuit of orgasms.
weheartit If you're a woman, you’re probably well aware that discussions about how to masturbate are still pretty darn among the sisterhood of our gender. To that end, most of us develop our own unique masturbation techniques as we organically (and literally) feel our way through the process.
So what does a "normal" act of female self-love look like?
Do women gently touch themselves as they lay sprawled across the silkiest of satin sheets, a wind machine blowing their perfectly coiffed locks of luxurious hair as a hand daintily pleases her carefully groomed lady parts, lip gloss coated lips parted just so?
Maybe it's like that for some women out there, but probably not for most of us.
The fact of the matter is that when it comes engaging in a little ménage à moi, women can be just as innovative, creative, and, well, a little bit weird about getting freaky as men can.
How do I know?
Because I once tried grinding myself up against a pillow in order to bring myself to climax, and when I told a girlfriend of mine about it her response was,"Becca, that's nothing. I once wrapped a stale pizza crust in saran wrap and went to town."
Yeah. It's like that. Exactly. Like. That.
Remembering that story got me wondering whether other gals out there are as strange as I think I am... well, as strange as myself and that pizza fiend I somehow still call my friend. So I asked a group of women whose identities shall remain anonymous to share what they believe to be their most unusual masturbation techniques, and man, oh man, did they deliver. (Not pizza, though. Just stories.)
Here are 15 stories women shared about the weirdest things they tried when first learning how to masturbate.
1. The Bedknob
"I used to have a bed with a ball on the post. The post was only about 2 feet high and the ball on the post was quite small, and I remember using that."
2. The Toothbrush
"I wrapped my toothbrush in a pair of underwear and basically rubbed my clitoris like I was trying to start a fire. It just made me feel kind of numb and sore down there. I didn't even have an electronic toothbrush either."
3. Tickle Me, Elmo... You Naughty Boy.
"When I was younger, late middle school or early high school age, I think, I realized my old Tickle Me Elmo doll felt "nice" when it shook as it laughed, so being a creative youngster, I cut it open and took out the part that made it vibrate. Then I cut out the speakers so it wouldn't make that laughing noise every time I pushed the button, put it all back together, and voila! My first vibrator!"
4. The Warm (Definitely NOT Hot) Curling Iron
"I gave it a shot with my curling wand. Obviously, it wasn't plugged in at the time, but a using it while there's still a little warmth does make it feel that much more like the real thing."
5. The Laundry Special
"I used to go ahead and insist on doing all of our family's laundry so that while I was waiting for it I could lean up against the washing machine and the dryer. I would orgasm over and over again and nobody was any the wiser."
6. The White Wizard
"I tried using a toy Gandalf figure. Technically, it didn't really start as a sexual thing. I just wanted to see if it would fit. It did, and lo and behold, new habits were born."
7. The M&M Lover
"Before I was only enough to buy myself a real sex toy I used one of those tubes of M&M Minis. It worked well and I think they still sell them, lol. I ate the candy first, obviously. Otherwise, it would have melted."
8. The Blanket Method
"My favorite was to use a blanket pulled tightly up between my legs that I would rub against until I had an orgasm. It was awesome."
9. The Inventor's Approach
"I made my own unique contraption using a spoon with a thick plastic handle. I positioned it so the spoon part was cupping this little soft toy that had a pull-string activated vibrating motor in it. I'd have probably preferred it to have a motor with a battery so it would keep going, but I just worked with what I had!"
10. The Candle Maker
"When I was about 15 or 16-years-old I started to become interested in figuring out how the whole solo sex thing, so I went into one of those AOL chat rooms to ask for tips. Some guy told me to try long candlesticks, so I did."
11. The Lint Roller
"I found a finished roll of one of those sticky lint removers and the handle was pretty phallic shaped. To keep it smoother and easier to use I took a rubber glove and put one of the fingers over the handle and then tied the rest around the non-usable portion."
12. The Stuck On You
"I used a glue stick. It was the only thing I had readily available that could pass undetected in my room when I was a teenager. It took some time to make the magic happen, to put it mildly."
13. The Pen(is)
"When I was a kid, I used to play with myself using my Squiggle Wiggle pen, which was shaped similarly to a dildo and vibrated. My mom caught me, though, and she made me throw it out, but by then, I was so in love with having orgasms that I secretly fished it out of the garbage. The next time she caught me with it she told me that if I ever touched myself again she would take me to the doctor and tell them something was wrong with me. Looking back, she did a really bad job with the sex ed."
14. The Make It Work
"I think my favorite technique is probably using the counter in the bathroom at work. It's a one-person bathroom and the sink counter is exactly at crotch height. I can rub myself against it in such a way that the corner presses my clitoris until I orgasm. I've only done it once, though."
15. The Scooby Don't
"One time when I was fourteen I straddled a huge stuffed Scooby-Doo I'd won at Kings Island [amusement park] and road him to "Kingdom Come". I only got to do it once though because I busted him open. I was cleaning up that weird foam filler for weeks after that."
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.
YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.