5 Things Men Wish Women Would Stop Doing During Sex (As Told By Very Honest Guys)

In case you didn't know this already, having sex is not a competition. Prizes are typically not awarded. 

(Caveat: if you compete professionally in sex somehow, PLEASE reach out to me because I definitely want to know your story.)

In the best possible scenario, you get to have an orgasm or a few, a high five from your partner, the tasty release of "happy" hormone oxytocin, and maybe even a baby (if that's what you were going for). But none of these things are guaranteed to come your way each and every time.

Every time you have sex you make yourself vulnerable. You are literally getting naked, contorting your body, hoping not to fart, and making faces you probably hope never to see for yourself. And when you're in a position like this, the last thing you want to worry about is anything you might be doing "wrong" or any potential sex-related mistakes you might be making. Ideally, you have a partner you can communicate with openly in order to make sure they are happy and that you're happy too.

Hopefully, this is the case, but sometimes, well, it just isn't.

We all make mistakes during sex, and contrary to popular opinion, men notice! I asked a group of men about mistakes women make during sex that they pretty much broke down into 5 categories. Please enjoy.

1. Being too rough with his penis. 

• "Grinding too hard on my penis."
• "When she is on top and like, moves my penis a weird way."
• "If you're having sex with a woman and she starts going on a different rhythm and your penis gets sore."
• "Bending the penis in directions the penis should never bend." 

So there you have it. While you might think of his penis as this unstoppable force of nature to be bent and twisted every which way, that is very much not the case. Say it with me: penises are not dildos. One more time? Penises are not dildos. 

The penis is a sensitive beast. Treat him well, and he will treat you well. Treat him poorly, and you'll go in history as the woman who broke a thousand hearts... and penises. 

RELATED: The 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships

2. Taking tips from goofy magazine articles.

• "One time she put a scrunchie on my penis because she read about it in Cosmo. Like, why even? At least cock rings don't like, pinch your skin together." 
• "You don't need to make porn star faces during sex. I don't like it, and I will not make them back at you."
• "Every time some girl has ever asked me to try some insane new sex position I know she's about to break up with me. Like, it's clearly a tip she read somewhere to save the relationship."
• "Bringing food into the bed is gross. Whichever magazine came up with that, I want to punch."
• "Trying to have sex in the shower. That only works in magazines and on TV. It is not for real life. It feels like she's trying to prove something and I hate it." 

You might think that you're doing your sex life a favor when you try the hottest new sex moves from Sex Magazine or whatever other major periodicals you read, but apparently, most guys can tell exactly what you're up to, and they aren't into it. You don't need to try some mind-blowing tip from the Internet (apologies to, you know, everyone else who writes those articles for us on this website). Just need to connect and feel sexy. If he wanted to have sex with a porn star, he'd at least be trying to have sex with a porn star, you know? 

3. Lying about how much experience they do or don't have.

• "I hate it when girls pretend they don't know what's going on in bed because they think it's gonna make me see them a certain way. Wrong. Experience is a good thing, not a bad thing." 
• "When they don't want to admit how much experience they have and that they like. Have as much sex as you want! Enjoy it. Be proud of it!" 
• "When a girl says she's done something in bed that she hasn't actually done. I don't care if she doesn't have experience, and if I knew the truth about the situation I probably would have handled it a bit differently. Yes, I am talking about anal."

I have definitely also fallen victim to the trap of either pretending to be either more or less experienced than I actually am at times. It might drive some guys up the wall when it comes time to get freaky, but it's an understandable gaffe to make. 

You want to impress him and please him but you also — GASP — don't want him to think of you as being easy (HEAVEN FORBID!). See, the whole virgin/whore thing messes with everyone, not just the men who fall prey to its thralls.

RELATED: 13 Things Guys Get So Wrong In Bed

4. Neglecting their personal hygiene.

• "As long as she is clean there is literally nothing she can do wrong in my book."
• "Not shaving or waxing."
• "This is weird but when a woman is in bed with you and you can smell that she hasn't washed her hair lately. It makes my stomach turn."
• "If you want to try anal, make sure to keep baby wipes and gloves on standby."

I am firmly of the opinion that when it comes to her body hair, a woman can and should damn well do as she pleases and to hell with all the haters. But making sure that your bits and pits don't stink before you rub them up against another person is just common courtesy. And remember, you can ask it of him too!

I love being stinky. I relegate most of the weekends to it and then I play a fun game of "my god what is that smell and is it me?" It almost always is. But stink up the world on your own time. 

5. Making things feel awkward.

• "When she called out her ex's name during sex. That was pretty bad."
• "I dated this chick and we would have amazing sex, but she would sob afterward every time. It's fine that had her feelings, but she wouldn't talk to me about them or explain what was going on, so It made me super uncomfortable."
• "In the right context, I like being called 'daddy' by my girl. One time, however, the woman in question was doing it as Adult Baby play without asking me if I was into it first. That was awkward."

Sometimes when it comes to sex, love, and/or dating the awkward is just unavoidable. We're human beings, which means we can have unexpected feelings, strange outbursts and other quirks of the human hormonal brain machine (patent pending). In short, you can't prevent every awkward encounter you are ever going to have, but if you practice courtesy you can avoid some of the ones that men shared above. 

If you have a fantasy you want to explore or an ex you can't shake, it's far better to talk to your partner about it when you both have clothes on rather than wait until the two of you are going at it between the sheets. 

RELATED: 8 Deep Mistakes You Make With Him That KILL His Attraction To You

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.