10 Small Habits That Make You Irresistibly Attractive
It goes far deeper than your looks.
Alex Perez on Unsplash We don’t say this out loud, but deep down inside we all want to be attractive.
No, not with a fit body or the perfect face, but having qualities that people feel magnetized to. Being the kind of person everyone wants to be with and do favors for. What if you could make people like you with just your personality — or, better yet, with good habits?
Some of these habits might not seem as obvious to the average Joe or plain Jane, but if you start to build these habits now, you can make friends in a snap or keep the love in your relationship strong.
Here are the 10 habits that make you irresistibly attractive:
1. Surprise people, don’t tell them.
I remember my heart jumped when I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers one random day at work — not because it was from my boyfriend or a secret admirer, but as a surprise.
I soon discovered that it was my close friend who’d sent me the unexpected gift, just because he knew how depressed I felt after realizing my ex no longer cared about me. It wasn’t the gift alone that made my whole week brighter, it was his thoughts.
The takeaway here? Don’t tell people what you’re going to get or do for them because then they expect you to deliver. Give them a surprise — it’s much more memorable and impactful than doing what you’ve promised.
2. Say 'no' when you (really) don’t want to.
People respect those who speak their minds, more so than someone who always agrees with their request or invitation. Because when you say “no” to others, people see how real you are, that you have priorities and can be honest about your feelings.
Sure, saying no might make your stomach flip, but if you can get past that feeling, you’ll start feeling good about yourself. If the people around you truly care, they will understand your reasonings for saying no sometimes.
Because if you don’t treat yourself like number one, then others will treat you like number two.
3. Do something nice for a stranger.
Doing good deeds is something many people try to add to their daily lives, and doing so can make you incredibly attractive to others. It shows that you are compassionate and empathetic.
So, hold the door if their hands are full. Warn them before they sit on a wet seat. Pick up their dropped cash. These are things most people won’t do but will give respect if you do.
4. Leave your ego behind and learn from those who are better than you.
You can complain all you want about how life sucks, and keep asking yourself: Why am I not as smart, rich, likable, successful, influential, or as good-looking as my better unequal? But at the end of the day, you’re not helping yourself grow. You’re not trying to become better.
Take the time to study what makes others shine. Is it their honesty, the way they carry themselves, or is it another quality that really makes them stand out? Practice over and over again. Ask if you need to. Because if you want to be the best, you have to be willing to learn from the best.
5. Be curious about everything.
It’s fun talking with others, but the moment the conversation dies because no one has anything else to say is when you start getting bored of that person. Don’t be that person — the one anxiously looking away while racking your brain for a good topic.
If you want to save yourself from that situation, you have to make people curious about you, and the only way is if you’re curious yourself. Learn how things work. Ask yourself why people behave the way they do. Read about what’s happening in the world right now.
Because when you have a dozen more things to say, people automatically think you’re a smart and fascinating companion.
6. Stay calm when someone’s angry at you.
It’s not a pleasant sight to see someone screaming angrily or lashing out in a destructive way. And sometimes we just can’t help but lash back, letting our emotions get the best of us.
Don’t do that. Before you snap, take a minute to think about the whole situation and why you’re feeling so angry. Maybe there was some miscommunication between you two, and maybe it’s best to stay calm and talk it out.
This is probably the best solution to understanding people better and feeling more closely connected to them which will, in turn, make you attractive to others.
7. Start conversations with someone new.
Most of us feel scared when we’re away from our comfort groups, which makes it easier for people to see who’s confident and who’s not. For me, I’d always scout around for those who introduce themselves to others, because I know they’re the types who are completely comfortable in their own skin.
Break out of your comfort zone and talk with somebody you’ve never met. Take a chance and strike up a conversation that's not solely small talk. You’ll instantly surprise them and walk away with greater confidence.
8. Write a list about what you want to learn.
It drives me insane every time someone tells me that they’re bored and have no idea what to do. Or if they waste their time sleeping or watching TV all day.
Yes, people would tell me to just “live in the moment” and have fun but, to be honest, that’s a very short-term point of view. What makes you more attractive in the long run is getting smarter and learning new things, every day.
Write a list of all the things you don’t know or have little knowledge about. Update that list whenever you come across a topic that puzzles you and research it when you have time.
9. Say 'thank you.'
It’s simple, overused at times, but still can make a world’s difference to someone’s day. All it takes is a couple of seconds to think about and appreciate what you are given, even if it’s something small like a hug.
Remember: Thank others when you really mean it, but not to the point where you go overboard (otherwise it starts to lose its meaning).
10. Make time for yourself.
If there’s one thing you can’t recover in life, it’s time. That’s why people who are constantly busy doing things they like or can improve on end up becoming more successful than someone who treats their time as if it were a measly dollar — you can waste it in a flash, but it’s something people use to build a life that’s worth living.
Be sure to set aside time for yourself to ensure you're doing everything you want in life. It could be a hobby or even just some down time to relax. No matter what it is, it's a chance for you to recharge.
Remember, the most attractive thing about you has less to do with your face and body, but more with your heart and habits.
Tiffany Sun is an author and life coach. She's a top writer for Medium, as well as other publications like Fast Company, Matador Network, and more. Her work covers self-improvement, personal growth, technology, and relationships.