14 Signs A Man Is Lying About What He Really Wants With You
Do you really know what he wants with you?
Bricolage/ Shutterstock I don’t think that there is a single woman out there who hasn’t gone on a date with someone who’s lied about what they’re looking for.
People will do whatever they can to get what they want in the dating scene, and that often includes fudging the truth about what they’re really looking for.
In my years, I’ve heard people lie about wanting kids, wanting a relationship, or even being straight. It’s a great way to shoot yourself in the foot, though, because eventually, lying will build resentment and cause a breakup.
Worried about the guy you’re seeing lying about what he really wants?
Here are 14 signs he's lying about what he really wants with you:
1. He backpedals
Backpedaling is a key sign that the person you’re with isn’t honest with you. If you need to know what they really want to get out of the potential relationship, listen to their first stance and listen to the things they said before they heard your stance on subjects.
2. He uses weasel words
Oh, this is one of the major signs he's lying about what he wants. Things like, “I’m open to a relationship” or “Maybe later” often are a way people try to subtly tell you that they don’t want to admit their true intentions.
By stalling or just dangling a carrot in front of you, they keep better control of the situation and are more able to use you for their needs.
3. What he says and what he wants clearly don’t match
This is usually the most obvious giveaway. If a woman talks about how much she hates kids but melts at the sight of them, she’s lying about not liking kids. If a man talks about wanting a relationship, but has abs as his profile pics or regularly asks for nudes, he’s lying about wanting a relationship.
4. His excuses are the name of the game
It’s such a pain to have this happen, especially when you’re years deep in a relationship. If you notice that he’s moving goalposts and finding new reasons to avoid keeping to certain goals, then he’s using excuses as a way to keep you around. When a person really wants something, it will always be a “no excuses” type of deal.
5. He claims he wants what you want, but occasionally makes disparaging remarks on that very same thing
This is not quite backpedaling, but it’s definitely one of the signs he's lying about what he wants. An example of this would be a guy who says he doesn’t want kids but then says stuff like, “That woman has no kids and she’s like 40. What a loser!”
6. He agreed with you at the start but regularly asks you if you still feel the same way about a certain topic
Some people legit won’t believe you when you tell them what you want. So, they’ll stick around hoping they’ll convince you otherwise. With girls, this is usually found in the form of, “Are you sure you don’t want a relationship with me yet?”
7. Or, he straight-up tries to subtly change your mind
This often happens on the subject of kids, from what I’ve seen. I live child-free by choice and there were guys who tried to bring babies around me to “ignite my maternal instinct.” It didn’t work, primarily because I took a sledgehammer to my biological clock years ago.
They then proceeded to get angry at me for not changing my mind. Needless to say, I no longer speak to these morons.
8. When you disagree with him, you often feel “ganged up on” by relatives of his
You’d be shocked at how many people will lie about their intentions, change their minds, then use others to try to browbeat you into doing what they say. Should this happen, it should be an instant dealbreaker. This is manipulative and abusive behavior that you should never let slide.
9. He “corrects” you when you tell him what you want
I never will understand why people do this. If you tell them what you want, and they tell you that you “don’t really want that” and that you’ll “happily” want what they want later on, that’s insanely disrespectful and patronizing. If this happens to you even once, you have my full permission to ghost them.
10. You regularly get the vibe that he's lying
Do you know how you can sometimes just tell that someone’s not being honest with you? If you get that feeling in your gut that people aren’t truthful about their intentions, listen to it. We have that gut instinct for a reason, and if we listen to it, we can protect ourselves from a lot of pain.
11. When you remind him of your stance, he gets moody
This is many people’s passive-aggressive way to show that they aren’t actually okay with what they want in life. When this happens, they don’t have the courage to admit that they want something else, and are just hoping that you’ll go along with it eventually.
Yeah, it’s a low move. Yeah, this is dump-worthy behavior. Perhaps next time, they’ll be more honest about what they want.
12. You have evidence that he's lying about what he wants
It’s scary how often we get evidence of what peoples’ true intentions are and how devastating that can be to a relationship you thought had promise. However, if you see serious evidence of them lying, you have to believe it.
Serious evidence includes finding chats with friends about what they really want, searching history involving how to get pregnant when you’re child-free, or finding out they’re married.
13. He somehow manages to make you feel guilty for your choice
This is a cue to nope out of there. Guilt trips and emotional blackmail are no way to live your life, and if you think it’s gonna get better, think again. This behavior is often the start of way worse.
14. He mocks you for your wants, then somehow expect you to be okay with it
Having people who do this is enough to make anyone’s blood boil, but it’s important to remain calm. This is a good moment to practice the classic relaxation phrase, “Bye Felipe!” Ideally, you’ll apply this phrase straight to their face, as you block them out of your life.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.