How To Stop Feeling So Damn Tired Of Being Single
It's really not all that.
weheartit Being in a relationship can be great, and as someone who is in one herself, I often find myself quite pleased with the situation. Having sex on the regular with a person who loves and supports me and who I get to eat meals with whenever I'm down something feels darn perfect. When you're in a committed and loving relationship with a man whose penis you just can't get enough of, the world often seems to be made of sunshine and lollipops, so there's plenty of good reason that many single women find themselves tired of being single and wondering how to get a boyfriend of their own.
But it's also true that relationships come with more than good sex and dining partners. Sometimes having a man in your life can be damn hard work.
Hell, I'd go so far as to say that sometimes being involved with a guy can be, well, totally overrated.
Believe me, I wouldn't get rid of my boyfriend for anything in the world. He makes me laugh and can cuddle like nobody else's business, and he once killed a giant flying roach.
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That said, there are definitely days when I wish I could return to the single life of wearing no pants all day while subsisting on a steady diet of nachos and reruns of Designing Women.
If you still don't dig what I'm throwing down, here are 5 reasons to stop feeling so tired of being single and trying to figure out how to get a boyfriend.
1. You have less time for yourself.
When you are single your time is divided as you see fit. If you want to go to the gym you go to the gym, if you want to stay home binge watching Dateline until 4 am then that's exactly what you do. When you are single your time is 100% your own to do with as you see fit.
If you're an introvert who needs time to themselves this is the LIFE. It's also something you desperately miss when you stumble into relationship-land and find yourself with a fella. Boyfriends are awesome, but they are a commitment in every sense of the word. Even if you find the best one in the world you'll still wind up going quietly nuts trying to carve out even one hour to do things just for you and you alone.
2. You don't get to experiment with other partners.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most of the people reading this practice monogamy, and that's awesome! If you are a person who believes in loving one person at a time you are in for an exceptionally rewarding experience when you find a partner you're attracted to who also shares those sets of values. However, there is a trade-off. Sure, he might be able to twist your body into one gigantic and orgasm-infused pretzel, but even the tastiest pretzel gets stale after a while.
That was all my way of saying that once you're in a committed monogamous relationship with a boyfriend, it's his penis and his penis alone unless you happen to be in the kind of relationship in which the two of you agree on something different than that fact. But for most people, being in a relationship means committing your genitals to their genitals, ostensibly forever. That's awesome, sure, but it does mean you don't get to experience a whole new world different penises and vaginas.
Worth it? Maybe. Or maybe not.
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3. You miss out on time with your friends.
Missing out on alone time is one thing, but missing out on time with your circle of friends is a whole other kettle of frustrating. You don't want to be "that friend" who goes missing as soon as they get a boyfriend, but unfortunately, it happens. You're building a special new bond with someone equally special and new, at least to you.
Sadly, this can mean that it might be a while before you chill with your squad the way you used to. When you do finally show up to social gatherings once again, it can be easy to feel like you're not in the loop anymore. Why does is everyone calling Tonya "Taco Fingers" now? You don't know, and you've missed so much time with the girls you don't even feel like should ask.
Is there a penis out there that's good enough to keep you from being there for the origins of Taco Fingers? Are you willing to give that up? Only you can make that call, my friends.
4. You have to make compromises.
When you're single, the only person in command of the Starship Enterprise that is your life is you. (In case you missed it, that was a Star Trek: The Next Generation joke, and I am not remotely ashamed, Y'all.)
But seriously, when you're single, you get to make the calls about how and when and why things get done. You determine which direction the toilet paper roll runs in. You decide how long the dishes get to sit in the sink. And you get to sleep with your TV on as long as you'd like, to hell with your electricity bill.
When you have a boyfriend, there is a co-commander aboard your Starship, and you have to listen to them. You have to be respectful of them. You have to weigh and measure your own wants, needs, and desires alongside theirs... and then you have to come up with compromises. Compromises are the worst because they are essential, and also, nobody wins. Nobody.
5. You have fewer social obligations.
Whether or not you are an extrovert, having a boyfriend can be socially draining. Not necessarily because your boyfriend is a social butterfly, although he may well be, but because your boyfriend will have events like work parties and drinks with the boys and dinner with family and you know what? The more serious you get with your boyfriend, the more of these events you need to attend.
It's bad enough having to go to your OWN work parties. Going to work parties that have nothing to do with keeping you from getting fired? OVERRATED.
There are plenty of great things about having a boyfriend, that's undeniable, but being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all of your experience on the planet Earth. In fact, for every good thing about having a boyfriend, there's something that makes it negative as heck.
So you do you, and if a man worthy of you should happen to come along, the chips will fall as they should.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.