7 Ways To Make Orgasming SO. MUCH. EASIER.
Orgasms await you.
weheartit Having trouble orgasming? It’s OK. You’re not alone. The female orgasm is not something everyone knows about or understands. This often times includes the female-bodied people who own clitorises themselves.
For women, achieving orgasm sometimes feel like a losing battle. We have so little knowledge about our bodies and so much media pressure to fit into an unrealistic ideal of womanhood that actually sitting down and figuring out what turns us on and gets us off is disheartening.
Related: How Long It Should Take For A Woman To Orgasm
Less than 30 percent of women are able to have an orgasm during penetrative sex alone. This adds a whole host of complications around female sexuality. It’s not like you’re taught what a clitoris is during school.
If you’ve been having trouble orgasming, have never had an orgasm, or just find getting there super-hard, check out these 7 tips for how to orgasm easier.
1. Take time to masturbate.
And we do mean TIME. If you don’t masturbate, orgasm will likely elude you. The clitoris is a complicated organ and every single one is different. Figuring out what you like will help you get closer to having orgasms during partnered experiences.
Don’t just rub out an orgasm and call it a day. Set the mood. Start with a hot bath, light some candles, and put on mood music. Spend time trying different strokes with your vibrator and different speeds.
Instead of rushing to orgasm as quickly as possible, focus on every sensation your body is feeling. Pay attention and listen to it. Once you fully understand what makes you tick, you’ll be readily equipped to communicate these desires with a partner.
2. Always use lube.
Lube is a definite must for every single sexual encounter. Whether it’s self-love or sex with a partner, you need to use lube. Choose a water-based lube without petrochemicals, parabens, or glycerin. Try Good Clean Love or Sustain.
Women are made to believe that if they can’t get “wet enough” there must be something wrong with them. This is BS. Lube is a fabulous addition for every single woman. The integrity of sexual experiences do not disintegrate because you brought lube into the picture.
Lube will help you achieve orgasm because it makes everything wetter and smoother. No more chafed clitoris or over stimulated glans. Lube is the best thing you’ll ever add to your sexual repertoire.
3. Choose positions that actually hit your clitoris.
Surprise! Only one in three women orgasm from penetration alone. Meaning, you need to get clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm during sex.
Positions will vary from woman to woman. Some women enjoy cowgirl for clitoral stimulation. I personally find cowgirl exhausting. Some like missionary (with pillows under your butt for clitoral alignment), but others don’t get the same stimulation.
Take some time to try different positions and figure out which ones give you access to your clitoris. You may not be able to grind the clitoris on your partner's penis or pelvis and achieve orgasm. You may have to get a hand in there and manually focus on the clitoris.
4. Start with oral sex.
If he isn’t going down on you, don’t stay with him. Oral sex is such an important part of satisfying sexual experiences. For many women, this is the only way they can have an orgasm. If you want to have an orgasm every single time you have sex with your partner, start with oral sex.
I’m not talking about 2 minutes under the hood. That doesn’t count. He needs to get down there and spend quality time with your vulva until you have an orgasm.
5. Incorporate a vibrator.
Bring a finger or couple’s vibrator into the bedroom. It’s an amazing way to get the clitoral stimulation you need, without all of the carpal tunnel or distraction from sex. You or your partner can hold (or strap on in some cases) the vibrator in/to your hand and use it to stimulate your hot spots.
Any man who thinks a vibrator is a threat to his manhood has some other underlying issues that need to be dealt with. A caring and compassionate partner who knows how a woman’s anatomy works will know that this is a happy adiantum, not a replacement for his penis.
6. Lean into the orgasm.
This is easier said than done, but in order to understand how to orgasm easier, you have to really concentrate and lean into your pleasure. For us female-bodied people, orgasm takes concentration. We’re also, in a granular sense, pretty self-conscious about our bodies. Thanks, society! This can make feeling comfortable naked, and therefore relaxed enough to orgasm, quite the feat.
The only way to overcome these barriers is with self-love and acceptance. It takes time and requires your being able to push back against your insecurities. Try to remember that you are a sexy, luscious being and this person wouldn't be here naked with you if he or she didn’t agree.
7. Find some porn that actually turns you on.
Most of the mainstream porn out there is male-focused and degrading towards women. This can make it complicated and confusing when looking for erotic materials as a woman. Instead of rummaging through RedTube, try feminist porn instead.
Film makers such as Erika Lust and sites like TrenchCoatX have a variety of female-focused options. There is a still a LOT of hot sex, but far fewer semi-sexual assault scenes or unrealistic pubic hair situations.
Watch the video below to learn everything you've wanted to know about the science of orgasms:
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Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator. Her work has appeared in Cosmo, Marie Claire, Glamour and many other places. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.