Mom Gets Shamed For Telling Son It's OK Not To Share With Other Kids
But are kids required to give up everything they have just because someone asked? Are adults?
Facebook Growing up, I was always taught to share.
Looking back now, it was probably just easier and made much less noise for me to share my toys/friends/literally any and all of my belongings with my younger brother. He wouldn't throw a fit, and I learned a valuable life lesson.
Everyone wins right?
Well, not according to this mother.
In 2017, Alanya Kolberg took to Facebook to share a recent interaction her son, Carson, had with some kids at a local park.
"As soon as we walked in the park, Carson was approached by at least 6 boys, all at once demanding that he share his transformer, Minecraft figure, and truck," she wrote. "He was visibly overwhelmed and clutched them to his chest as the boys reached for them. He looked at me.
'You can tell them no, Carson,' I said. 'Just say no. You don't have to say anything else.'
Of course, as soon as he said no, the boys ran to tattle to me that he was not sharing. I said, 'He doesn't have to share with you. He said no. If he wants to share, he will.'"
She said that piece of advice resulted in a few dirty looks from some of the parents, but she explained that as an adult, she's not required to share things with strangers, so why should she teach her son any different?
"If I, an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No! Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich, and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again.
So really, while you're giving me dirty looks, presumably thinking my son and I are rude, whose manners are lacking here? The person reluctant to give his 3 toys away to 6 strangers, or the 6 strangers demanding to be given something that doesn't belong to them, even when the owner is obviously uncomfortable?"
Alanya believes that her responsibility as a mother is to teach her child how to function as an adult.
"While I do know some adults who clearly never learned how to share as children, I know far more who don't know how to say no to people, or how to set boundaries, or how to practice self-care. Myself included. In any case, Carson only brought the toys to share with my friend's little girl, who we were meeting at the park. He only didn't want to share with the greedy boys because he was excited to surprise her with them."
Many people agreed with Alanya, and said they're teaching their children the same concept.
But some people were not as supportive and called the mom's lesson selfish.
Alanya defending her lesson and said it's less about sharing and more about teaching her son that he can say no to situations that make him feel uncomfortable.
"The next time your snowflake runs to you, upset that another child isn't sharing, please remember that we don't live in a world where it's conducive to give up everything you have to anyone just because they said so, and I'm not going to teach my kid that that's the way it works."
Emily Blackwood is an Editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, dating, relationships and everything in between. You can follow her on Instagram (@blackw00d) and Twitter (@emztweetz).
Editor's Note: This article was originally posted in August 2017 and was updated with the latest information.