11 Signs That Dude You're Having Sex With Is Trash

Look, sometimes you just want to get laid so much, you’re not really worried about the source. We get it. We’re not going to sit here and pretend we haven’t enjoyed slumming it up a couple times ourselves.

However, regardless of upbringing, social class, demographic, or even if he fits into the mold of what you’d call your “type,” there are definitely things that easily categorize him as garbage. Here are 11 signs to watch out for.

1. He doesn't think it's an issue that he's never been tested for STDs.

Hiyeahokay, if you’re gonna put the most disgusting part of your body in or around the most disgusting parts of my body after doing that exact same thing with who knows who else, you’re gonna need to make sure I’m not going to catch anything. Not getting tested is some teenage ignorance. Go handle your business.

2. He says things like “People either love me or hate me" and “Only God can judge me.”

For f*ck’s sake, dude, get some new material you didn’t overhear 20 other UFC bros say in varied interviews in the last three months. Secondly, the level of self-importance here is insufferable.

Fun Fact: Most people are completely indifferent about you, including those who’ve met you. And finally, nobody who says this cliché garbage is a decent person. Only assh*les who are defending their assh*lism.

3. He can only use euphemisms when discussing sex or genitals.

With so many colorful ways to describe sex and all its accoutrements, there’s nothing inherently wrong with using a hilarious euphemism for laughs occasionally. (Except the word “poontang.” If ever there was a word that acts as a reverse lubricant, it’s that one.) But any grown man who cannot bring himself to ever use terminology different than that of a sexually-frustrated 17-year-old is probably going to perform like one, too.

4. He repeatedly brags about how much he gets to have sex.

At some point, loudly declaring that you get laid a lot far surpasses normal braggadocio and transforms into desperately-trying-to-convince-everyone-you’re-doable. It’s fine to reference your past encounters here and there, but anyone who is constantly bragging about how much sex he’s supposedly had or going to have is definitely not having that much.  

5. He expects oral sex but won't return the favor.

As ridiculous as it is, I’d rather be with the kind of guy who aggressively brags about how great his oral sex skills are than one who is oddly proud he’s never dined out. I know it sort of contradicts what I said earlier, but a dude with a “Vagitarian” t-shirt on is more f*ckable than one who doesn’t do it at all, particularly if he’ll only get with women who are down to give oral.

6. He gave himself a nickname that he now forces others to call him.

There are definitely decent guys out there who go solely by their nicknames, so don’t think this is a slam on everyone who lives by a pseudonym. However, if you ever meet someone who introduces himself by his nickname without telling you a) his real name first and b) where it came from, chances are he gave that crap to himself which... oh my god. There are few things sadder than a man going, “They call me [insert stupid nickname here]” and learning that literally nobody does.

7. He’s aggressively homophobic.

Listen, we all have someone in our lives whose ignorance or religious affiliations cause them to “not approve” of homosexuality, but who don’t go out of their way to harm anyone in the LGBTQ community. These aren’t bad people - just misinformed.

The trash I mean are the men who make it their personal mission to “fight” anything that isn’t staunchly heteronormative and obsess about not being called a “f*g” to a troubling degree. Overcompensation for insecurity and social toxic masculinity aside, these guys are creeps whose insatiable need to lash out toward anybody whose masculinity looks different than theirs for zero reason. That sh*t is weird.

8. He has more than one baby mama who hates him. 

Let me clarify: It does NOT make someone trashy just because they’ve had sexual encounters with multiple partners in which a child was the product. Period. Full stop. End of debate. However, being a responsible adult means holding up your end of the agreement you both made when you decided to bring a kid into the world, which includes learning to co-parent.

If a guy has three baby mamas who all hate his guts, don’t let him touch you. If you don’t get a chance to meet them, you can tell the state of their relationship by how he talks about them; if they’re all “b*tches” to him, chances are, he f*cked up.

9. He brags about how violent he is.

Even worse than the type of man who constantly boasts about all the women he’s scoring is the d*ckhead who brags about how violent he’s capable of becoming. Whether he’s talking about his past confrontations, the fights he “owes” people he doesn’t like, or the hypothetical fights he’s considering whenever someone “crosses” him, this type of dude is a pile of moronic, insecure sh*t.

10. He’s okay telling women to tailor themselves to his specifications.

Unless he’s part of a consensual sub-dom relationship, it’s weird for a man to assume he has control over a woman’s body. There’s seriously something wrong with anyone who feels like they own the body of the person they’re sleeping with, and the men who boast that they “made” a woman change her clothes before she left the house or get a boob job or fit some other arbitrary beauty standard are next-level gross.

By the way, this comfortability with controlling women was heavily featured as a creepy characteristic of Patrick Bateman's to illustrate and foreshadow what an assh*le he was in American Psycho. Just sayin’.

11. He’s proud of his heavy drug use.

Some of us have pasts that include some pretty heavy drug use, so no judgment there. But if this guy is older than 25 and still loud and proud about smoking anything other than weed or cigarettes on the regular, that’s a problem, especially if he shows no signs of wanting slow down. That goes double if he’s transgressed to needlework. Yikes, dude... The f*ck?

Everyone has had their fair share of bad hookups. But watch the video below for a breakdown of what goes through someone's mind during this awful experience:

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Liz Pardue-Schultz is a writer and activist based in North Carolina, where she overshares her bizarre journey through mental illness, recovery, parenting, and surviving Southern suburbia on her blog or anywhere she can get published. Her words have appeared in Huffington Post, Time.com, XOJane, Ravishly, ThoughtCatalog, and one time in the Letters to the Editor section of Playboy.