Yes, It IS Possible To Divorce A Narcissist Without Letting Him (Or Her) Win
You just need to follow these 3 rules.
Unsplash Your marriage is not going to work. And that's ok. Not all marriages do.
And yet, despite knowing that you're doing the right thing, despite knowing that divorce IS right for you, you're still scared.
Not of ending the marriage. You've reconciled yourself with the knowledge that all of those dreams you had are gone and that your marriage is at an end.
A painful realization to come to but one you've managed to accept. And you're stronger for it.
The problem is, you're married to a narcissist and that's what scares you.
Because what if this charismatic person who managed to get their way so often in life (and in your relationship) gets their way this final time? What if they manage to postpone the divorce or get everything or get custody of your children?
The thought is enough to terrify anyone. And you might be wondering is it even possible to win against a narcissist?
Is it really worth the risk?
In our latest Expert Quickies video, Divorce attorney and advisor Karen Covy explains that, yes, it will be hard — perhaps harder than any other type of divorce — but you CAN get through divorcing a narcissist ex if you follow these 3 simple rules.
1. Control your emotions.
This is the hardest but also the most important of the 3 steps because, without it, you can't hope to do the other two.
Narcissists thrive off of pushing your buttons to engage you.
DON'T TAKE THE BAIT.
When going through a divorce, you're going to need to keep your cool and have all of your wits about you.
If you can't control your emotions, then your manipulative soon-to-be ex will know just what to do to take away rational thought and maybe even make you seem unhinged during your divorce proceedings. Don't let that happen.
2. Learn how to communicate with a narcissist.
Narcissists are notorious for manipulating a situation, often getting you to say something you don't mean.
Even when you've managed to control your emotions as best you can, they can still get under your skin.
Try to keep your communications to e-mail and texting so you have fewer chances of replying in the heat of the moment.
If that's not possible, or in those moments when it's unavoidable, keep your communications short and informative, friendly yet firm. Don't offer up extra information that can be twisted around and don't be rude.
Remember, you don't want to give him any ammunition to use against you in your divorce case.
3. Finally, try to stay out of divorce court.
First of all, yes, you CAN get divorced without having to go through court. It may seem like the most common way of doing things but it's not the only way to get a divorce.
And if you're dealing with a narcissist, going to court is the worst because it's basically a playground for them.
Courtrooms give narcissists a chance to thrive — to charm and create conflict.
You may think it will get the courts to see who your spouse really is. But keep in mind: you were charmed into marrying him/her. Whose to say the judge won't be charmed as well?
Better to take away the chance and settle out of the court system, and through mediation or collaboration.
Following these will not guarantee you will win, but it does make it far less stressful that it could be.
And when you're dealing with a narcissist...every little bit helps.
If you need a little help getting through your divorce in one piece, dealing with a narcissistic soon-to-be Ex, or any other divorce and relationship challenges, our experts are here to help! Reach out to Karen for the support you need.