Why The Best Way To Get Revenge On A Man Who Cheated On You Is To CHEAT BACK
There's power in being sexually uninhibited.
unsplash / henri meilhac I have a confession to make: I envy sexually uninhibited women, and more specifically, women who cheat back (particularly because I’ve never done it).
First, women who unabashedly seek and seize opportunities to satisfy their libidos are BAD ASS!
Second, the willingness to pursue sexual pleasure and happiness can be used to expose and challenge fragile masculinity whenever it presents itself (which is almost always), particularly when responding to infidelity with infidelity. My “envy” stems from the latter.
Being sexually uninhibited just isn’t my steez; and really, I’m not envious. More accurately, I admire sexually uninhibited women!
I realized my admiration when I came across a meme on social media that read, “Stop crying and cheat back!” I flashed back to my first relationship wishing I’d done just that: cheat back!
A few days later I came across another meme that read, “have a hoe phase, it builds character.” I found myself once again looking back and looking in. I was wondering how different my path of self-awareness would have been if I had a “hoe phase,” and further, if I’ve missed my chance. And still I pondered, “Do I have it in me?”
As I compared me-then and me-now, I am much more confident and self-aware about other men’s attraction to me, which would make cheating ― should I choose to do it in the future ― more plausible now than previously.
And over time, a powerful awakening commenced as I evolved sexually to understand my needs for pleasure, how to prioritize and communicate those needs, and further, how to ensure they’re respected so not as to ever be derailed or invalidated. And here I am now, feeling myself while “wishing a mutha would…”, knowing I have “the juice.”
More plainly, I think cheating on a man who’s cheated on you can be empowering and fulfilling.
My personal dilemma presents itself in whether I would actually weaponize an opportunity to cheat back, regardless of how much I admired it in other women. Which led me to consider…
As we get older, cheating requires more work. When a person steps out of their relationship to explore intimacy with another person, it is highly likely that they’re stimulated beyond primal physical attraction.
As we age, our connections (in general) require more substance, even if just to consider or act on an opportunity to cheat. Cheating is, in fact, hard work, and while that’s never been a deterrent, it’s important to understand that it requires different levels of involvement, and manifests in many different forms.
If you’re asking yourself, “how would she know?” that’s a fair question. After all, I’ve never cheated — I only wish I did.
My analysis of sexually uninhibited women who cheat back comes from my practice as a licensed psychotherapist who has counseled couples through conflict, and you bet, infidelity.
Also, given the disproportionate ratio of men to women, most heterosexual couples meet while they are already coupled with someone else. Infidelity is far more common than many want to admit because there is stigma, particularly for women, regardless of whether they have a cheating partner, or they are the cheating.
All in all, I don’t think cheating back on a man is bad if:
- The woman wants to cheat
- It’s specifically in response to being cheated on, and thus checking a male ego is warranted
- Most importantly, if the person with whom you want to cheat is also single
To date, my version of “revenge” has been a success, and frankly, the concept of the “high road” just isn’t as appealing and gratifying to me as it once was.
Even with my continued internal questioning and debate, I don’t think it’d be wise for my next partner to provoke me (ye be warned!).
I can also recall that my best friend has been checking male egos and exposing fragile masculinity since high school.
Long before either of us were capable of examining the complex oppression of patriarchy, she resisted by unapologetically providing men a taste of their own medicine, up to and including cheating back. And laugh last she did! Her vagina was a far greater muscle than his P(atriarchy), and she wanted to flex!
He was devastated! The shocked and dramatic reactions of men who’ve cheated once they find out they’ve been cheated on far outweigh the reactions of women who experience the same. Given this, you would think their fragile masculinity would be enough of a deterrent from cheating altogether, but apparently not.
On an additional note, allow me to clarify (though I shouldn’t have to): Respectability politics need not apply!
The best argument against encouraging a woman to cheat back is disguised as unconditional benevolence, and rooted in reinforcing that women must be “the bigger person;” or if they choose to stay in the relationship, to “let their man cheat in peace,” which clearly doesn’t work for everyone.
This reasoning either stigmatizes any woman who thinks or does anything solely for her gain, who dares to put her needs and wants first, particularly after her man has acted on his own lusty interests; or forces her into silence.
If nothing else, the notion that a woman who cheats back is compromising herself, her dignity, her body, and blah blah blah, needs to be challenged!
Sometimes women want to cheat back and in the process, check male egos if not shatter them altogether. And that’s exactly what they should do! And since when was the path of least resistance the suggested course of action, anyway?
Although I’m still deciding how I’ll respond to infidelity in the future, I know it no longer rests in “success is the best revenge.”
If you’re deciding whether to cheat back, or you’re a veteran, I support you! And anyone trying to convince you otherwise, for all the aforementioned reasons, isn’t your friend. Real friends don’t judge and respect self-determination. But since there’s no such thing as cheating back on your friends, just break up with them!
I'm a Plain Jane brimming with dopeness kind of paradox. Born, raised, and working in NYC, Dope Plain Jane enjoys shenanigans and sisterhood. Find me on Twitter and Medium.