Why You're Never Too Damaged For Love
Don't let your struggles make you feel unworthy.
Kovalova Olena / Shutterstock “I know you think you're scary and damaged. It makes you think you don't deserve good things, but you do. And Derek, he's bad for you. But me, I'm a good thing. And if this is a race, if there is a ring, my hat is in.” - Grey's Anatomy
It's easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of insecurities. When life breaks us over and over, we internalize the idea that we're to blame and assume we don't deserve good things.
If you find yourself stuck in self-loathing, remember:
You deserve more than what you’re settling for…
Sometimes our insecurities cause us to settle. Maybe you’ve made mistakes in your past. Maybe you look at your reflection and see everything that’s under the surface, every person you’ve hurt.
But I’m here to tell you, you aren’t that person anymore. You need to stop defining yourself by the past.
Because the love you want is out there.
I think that deep down you know what you deserve, but part of you is afraid to get it because the only thing scarier than having something great is losing it.
But you have to take chances, even when you're afraid. The love you dream about is out there and it's up to you to find it.
And your scars tell more about where you’re going…
You aren’t defined by your past mistakes. Sometimes not being able to recognize who you showed that you’ve grown into the person you’re supposed to be.
A past you regret, full of people who've hurt you, can act as a template for things you’ll never tolerate again.
Then where you’ve been.
I think it’s beautiful to have a past full of mistakes you've learned and grown from. You're better than you used to be and finally ready for the love you didn't deserve before.
Yeah, you aren’t perfect…
Give me all of your horrible qualities; everything you hate about yourself and wish you could change, every decision you regret and mistake you've made, every bad relationship you’ve endured.
All those horrible things helped you grow into the beautiful person you are now and I promise you, they'll be the things the right person loves most about you.
But you deserve the best.
You don’t deserve to cry yourself to sleep or not know where you stand with someone. You need someone who won't ignore your texts, make you feel inadequate, or play petty games.
You deserve flowers at work and surprises every day. You deserve morning texts and phone calls telling you you're beautiful because you are — even if you forget sometimes.
Turn off the channel in your mind that tells you you're not pretty enough, good enough, or smart enough. That voice is wrong and it will drag you down if you let it.
We have to accept ourselves before others can accept us. The moment that happens, things will change. When you start to wear every scar with pride, you'll smile at the reflection looking back at you.
Everyone looks up to you because of the things you’ve overcome and the struggles you’ve faced. Yes, you’ve been left with scars as a result, but sometimes the most beautiful people are the ones who have endured the most.
One day you’ll look at your reflection with pride and see the beautiful person looking back at you. At that moment, I hope you decide to never settle ever again.
I'll leave you with these words by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who know defeat. Know suffering. Know struggle. Know loss. And have found their ways out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation. A sensitivity. And an understanding of life that fills them with compassion. Gentleness. And a deep loving concern. Beautiful people don’t just happen.”
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Kirsten Corley is a writer and author of But Before You Leave. She's focused on relationship and love issues. Follow her on Facebook.