4 Reasons I'm A Man Who HATES Blowjobs (And Why You're Giving Them Wrong)

Somehow in the last decade or two, it seems like the whole world got the idea that a blowjob is the pinnacle of male pleasure. Maybe it has to do with internet porn and the fact that virtually all straight pornos feature prolonged cock-gobbling.

But I (and plenty of other guys I know) don't especially care for them. That's right — there are men out there who hate blowjobs. 

There are many aspects of hooking up that I enjoy far more than receiving a blowjob making out and getting a handjob at the same time, cuddling naked, and actual intercourse. And there are plenty of reason that, to me, fellatio is just kind of meh. Here's why:

1. Most women don't give very good blowjobs.

It's true. I’d probably like fellatio more if more blowjobs weren’t faux jobs. Here's what, in my experience, lots of girls tend to do wrong:

• Treating the head with too much attention. It’s sensitive, but it’s not that sensitive! The whole penis is like one huge clitoris, and all of it needs attention for it to feel good. Just because you’re using your mouth doesn’t mean you can’t be using your hands to stroke and caress, too.
• “Eating out” the urethra. Maybe they think it’s kinky, or maybe they think it’s hot, but I don’t want a tongue in my pee hole. Just... no. That hurts and feels strange.
• Using teeth. If I feel teeth on my primary sex organ, my body instantly tells me to run away. This is a bad situation.
• Telling me that they give the best blowjobs. That’s just not true. How would you even know that? Having low expectations is the key to having a very good time in life and telling me you are 'the best' at something is going to set you up for failure right from the get-go. Just let your mouth do the “talking.”
• Giving the “fauxjob,” or only putting one inch of my ding dong in their mouth. If my whole penis is sensitive, why would I only want to feel a small portion on the inside of your warm goodness that is your oral cavity? I definitely don’t want to gag you, but I also want to feel more of you. How would you feel if I only inserted just the tip of my penis into you? It would feel like you want more and are only being teased. Think of it like that.

2. Some guys would rather give than receive pleasure.

No, I'm not that guy who puts so much pressure on the girl to orgasm that she can't come. But seeing my girl feel good while I give her oral sex turns me on way more than looking at the top of her head. If my girl is feeling really good, she’s looking good, too, and I barely need any stimulation to come.

When I see my girl breathing hard, kind of sweaty, and I’m tasting her and feeling her body with my hands, I’m ready to go and wouldn’t want to wait any longer to give her the real thing. Besides, at this point, it’s not like we’re going to need any more lubrication.

3. It's awkward figuring out what to do with your hands while you're getting one.

Where do my hands go? On your head? Should I try to grab your boobs? Ahh, I can’t reach! What do I do with my face? I want to kiss you and your mouth is so far away! I feel like I’m sort of experiencing half of a hookup when she’s smoking my bonophone and there’s not much she can do about it.

Maybe I’m overthinking it (who says women are the only ones who overthink things?), but this is really distracting. I feel very much like I need to be doing something with my hands or my face while receiving a blowjob. I could pet my dog if he’s in the vicinity, but that feels wrong.

This is compounded by the fact that when I’m going down on a girl, there's a lot I can do with my hands on her body to pleasure her that she can’t exactly reciprocate while blowing my love whistle.

4. I'd rather just have sex.

Why would I want to spend any more time doing activities that I consider to be foreplay once I've got my partner good and ready? I might be a weird guy, but I’ve never come from a blowjob alone. I’ve finished having sex by receiving a blowjob, but I only came because we were having sex immediately beforehand.

For me, real penis-in-vagina intercourse is what makes me come, and a blowjob is something that is just a warm-up or maybe something that provides some extra lubrication for the real deal.

Yes, every couple is different. Yes, I may be one of only a few men who hate blowjob — but I might also be the only one who’s willing to disclose my ambivalence about something men are told we’re “supposed” to like.

The only way to find out what he wants and how he feels is by communicating with your partner. So if you’re not sure what your partner wants you to do with your mouth, go ask him.