17 Of The Most AWKWARD Things Men And Women Have Said After Sex
*headdesk*
weheartit "Doing it rocks," he said.
I looked over after a session of mediocre sex at my boyfriend who was flopped on his back grinning like a goon.
"Did you just say... 'doing it rocks?'"
A growing look of horror spread across his face.
"Oh my God," he said. "I totally did."
Thankfully the "doing it" he had just enjoyed (that's sex, for us grown ups) was done with me, a person with an excellent sense of humor, even about stuff like my sex life.
It was all we could both do to stop laughing before we urinated on each other, and while I'm kinky, golden showers are so not my thing.
Talking after sex is one of those unique things that can bring you closer to your partner when it comes to intimacy. However, talking after sex is also one of those things can go so horribly off the rails that it ain't even funny.
There's a reason for all this intensity when it comes to speaking to each other after you've just had sex. A recent study conducted by the University of Connecticut found that having an orgasm makes us much more honest than we would be in our daily life otherwise.
The high levels of oxytocin that flood your body after sex and orgasm make you more trusting and loving, so it's really no wonder that you find yourself spilling the beans.
I've had intense and intimate conversations with partners after sex before, but I've also had some baffling and awkward ones too (see above). That's because sometimes there's a reason we keep that honesty in check.
With orgasms flowing, too much oxytocin and no filter, you're a heck of a lot more likely to open your mouth without censoring yourself at all. That can mean awesome revelations (and total conversational fumbles, too).
I asked a bunch of anonymous folks what the most embarrassing thing they've ever said after sex was, and they were more than happy to share their shame with me so that I might share it with you.
What's the most AWKWARD thing you have ever said after sex?
- “…And boom goes the dynamite.”
- “Thank you for letting me ejaculate inside you.”
- “I asked my boyfriend for dirty talk and he was quite inexperienced and vanilla. He came out with, ‘You have a beautiful slut face.’”
- “Did you feel it? Did I get it in? When does the condom go on?”
- "Thank you."
- "Um... he cried because I didn't orgasm."
- "Do I pay you now?"
- "Sorry if that tasted weird. I was on the bus for a long time."
- "We were both big fans of the Oglaf webcomic, and shouted, "Blood and thunder!" "Victory at sea!" while having an orgasm."
- "Straight after sex, my (at the time boyfriend) said 'This is probably the best we'll both ever get... Shall we get married?'"
- "I didn't mean to cum in you."
- "Not afterward, but during. I was past my due date with my first kiddo and sex can help kickstart your labor. I was so preggo and the sex so forced that we both couldn't stop laughing through the whole thing. After about 10 minutes of awkward laughing, he basically told me that we had to stop talking or he'd never be able to make it happen. He then closed his eyes, turned his face away, and went to a happier memory of better sexy times. We call it 'The Sex That Shall Not Be Named.'"
Related: 10 Tips For Giving Super-Hot (And Super-Safe!) Road Head
- "The building manager just texted and said we need to shut our windows."
- "We just had sex!"
- "I need to do a giant nard, Mrs."
- "'Well, that was hard,' (NOT referring to his penis...)"
- "'Wow Sharon, that was an amazing orgasm.' Her name was Shonda."