A NYC Dominatrix Answers All Your KINKIEST Foot Fetish Questions

Sandra LaMorgese Ph.D., also known as “The Mistress,” is a holistic practitioner, New York City dominatrix, tantra practitioner, author of the book Switch, and host of the popular podcast, “Getting Intimate.” She does workshops and counseling sessions on female sexual empowerment, BDSM, works with couples on sexual issues, and more.

A tall, vivacious blonde, Sandra is striking. She has a powerful presence and a big, husky laugh. Her insights are indispensable for any couple beginning to explore foot fetishism or BDSM.

Tell me a little about yourself?

I have an undergraduate degree in communications, a PhD in holistic healing, and was trained in New York City’s premiere dungeon. I am a full-fledged dominatrix. I see this as an extension of my wellness practice. It has the same mind, body, and spirit healing properties as meditation or yoga because of the dopamine and serotonin.

I started out a tantra practitioner. When I was first introduced to BDSM after just a few experiences, I found that it was a tantric experience. I began to move away from tantric practice and get deeper and deeper into BDSM. In my book I say tantra taught me to love myself, BDSM taught me how to love other people.

Where did your interest in Tantra come from?

From my spiritual background. Tantra’s a philosophy, dropping judgmental attitudes toward others and yourself, and living curiously instead of judgmentally. BDSM is about the same thing as tantra, acceptance of the partner. It’s very, very intimate.

There’s intimacy in different ways between couples and it’s not always intercourse. That’s (straight sex is) probably way on the outskirts of being intimate. When you have to open up and be vulnerable and talk about your deepest desires with another and trust them not to have judgment against you, it’s much more intensely intimate.

What do you think makes men attracted to female feet?

I think there’s some physiological brain function that crosses into an erotic zone in the brain. However, all the nerve endings are in the feet. There’s a sensuality surrounding someone biting and sucking and massaging your feet because all of this sensation is rising up into your body. So it’s very relaxing and very sensual.

Some people try to turn their sexuality off when they go into that area because of their own issues. I embrace it. I mean, sexual energy is the most powerful force we have. Why not embrace it? That’s tantra. Open up and really experience it and not judge it.

What are your experiences with foot fetishism?

A lot (she laughs). A lot. I had no idea of the extent of the fascination or the desire for it until I started really getting into this practice. It’s the most popular fetish. A lot of times people will only want a foot fetish session or they want to incorporate foot worship into the session. There’s a range from a sensual session to really trampling someone. They are either comfortable about their fetish or they aren’t there yet, haven’t embraced their full authenticity.

They start to get shameful afterward. After a session, they can get really withdrawn. There’s a lot of guilt and shame swirling around. With my clients, I start talking about authenticity, just in general. I try to bring up that being in a non-judgmental environment is very healing.

What advice do you have for someone who wants to get over any fear about broaching a kinky subject with their partner? 

Anything you have no experience in you won’t have confidence. So the more experience you build the more confidence you will have. Tiptoe. For a foot fetish, I always recommend just starting with a foot massage while watching television. See how your partner responds. I mean if your partner really is like, “I hate my feet being touched” then you’re going to have to try something else.

Maybe when you take a bath or shower together you can wash the other person. Wash their feet. I recommend a more gentle approach. Make it about the two of you together. Not just your fetish. Mostly men have the fetish. And I think that women are more apt to do something if they think they are connecting with their partner.

If they think it’s just about you, then it’s a turn-off. If you can bring it where you are doing it together, make it a togetherness thing, and not a separate thing. Include the person in the dialogue.

What would you recommend to a guy broaching the subject with his partner?

Like I said, try a foot massage. That’s something physical, not verbal. Compliment her on her toenail polish. That might open doors. And then you will find that she will be wearing that color because it makes it something you two are doing together.

What tips do you have for the girlfriend or wife who has a man in her life with this fetish and wants to please him?

Just be open to it and enjoy it. My God, many women don’t know how lucky they are. At the end of the day when you come home from work, you can get a nice foot massage. Anytime. And I’d like to add that because of the difference between men and women, perhaps give a foot massage but do not expect sex afterward.

Let her decide. Because sometimes she’s thinking, “I’m not going to let him massage my feet because then I’m going to have to have sex with him. I’m tired. And I don’t want to go there.”

Maybe, eventually, she can incorporate the two of them together. That’s because the foot massage is going to relax her to the point where she might get in the mood. Sometimes women will think, “I’m not going to let him hug me on the couch because I know where that’s leading.” So they don’t hug. Don’t let her think that indulging your foot fetish has to end in sex. Just give her the foot massage and enjoy doing it.  

What can a man do to try to build an atmosphere where it can be a positive connection and an energy-oriented experience?  

I would say use the senses. Try to touch them and make an emotional connection. So the more you can incorporate the senses the more attuned they will be to what’s going on. You have to wake the person up. You have got to turn her on.

People said, “You turn me on” back in the day. Today, people walk around like zombies. They aren’t even in touch with their own feelings. You have to start getting turned on. The more you can turn your partner on, sensually, the better it will be for both of you.

If a woman doesn’t feel confident what tricks or practices can she use to feel more so over time?

Make her feel confident about herself in general. Compliment her. Do little things for her to show that you appreciate her. That makes her want to reciprocate those good feelings. I mean it can take a while. But it will also bring you closer together. Another thing too is women in our society are taught to be submissive.

Men like that, but they like dominant women too. Women have to start to feel their own power. But that comes with age and experience. You know she could really have fun with that. (Showing off her feet) “You want this? Get in there and cook me dinner.” (Everyone laughs). 

She could play with that all night. Think how much fun they could have? And using her own power, something she’s probably never used before in her life.  I think the power would turn her on. Experiment. She’ll always get a positive result. She could use her power to put him in a state of submission. I’m not talking about cruelty or control. I’m talking about her using her own sexual power.

That’s funny. I never heard of a foot fetish as a gateway to empowerment.

Oh yes. Any kind of fetish is. It doesn’t go away. I’m not talking about manipulating someone. I’m talking about interacting with your partner in a more dynamic way. A power exchange. Exploring different sides of one another. I’m talking about self-empowerment.

This work has taught me that we need balance. You can’t be dominant all the time. You can’t be submissive all the time.

Do you have any suggestions for a woman who is too ticklish?

Tickle sessions. Instead of negativity, make it a positive thing. I love tickle sessions. There are so many possibilities of just having fun. You get endorphins from tickling. That’s tantra, turning a negative into a positive. You have to shed judgment and fear and just embrace curiosity. It’s very empowering and freeing.

Tantra is as therapeutic as meditation or yoga. You’ve got to be in the moment. Once you are in the moment you are out of the head. Once you do that, that’s healing. Give your head a break. A lot of these guys (who have foot fetishes) are high powered guys. Those are my clients’ bankers, Wall Street guys. Some of them run companies. Very stressful lives. They come to me to decompress.

A session can be very intense. But that’s my job to get you out of your head. Being submissive is really a gift. “Just tell me what to do.” You get to relax and don’t have to think about or plan anything.

If couples could just strip themselves of their sexual perceptions, they would have so much fun. Play off of each other. You never know how the other person is going to respond. Get a role play down and do a scene. Just start the dialogue. Then she should start taking control. Make it organic. The spontaneity is part of the fun. It’s important that the couple has a good time. Do it together and build a deeper connection.

Are there any practices you would advise couples not to try?

Be careful when practicing trampling and know how to do it correctly, or else you could cause your partner damage. You always want to get on the fleshy part of another person’s body and use something to balance with. Don’t put all of your weight down, at least at first.

I have a four poster bed so I balance on that. Never stand on the spine. The butt, the shoulders are okay. I have one client where I stand on his head. He has a really strong neck and he can handle it. You have to be present when you’re a dom or even when you’re playing.

Also, I am a professional. You want to push your boundaries but not in an unhealthy way. I had a ball busting session in Manhattan a couple of months ago. I kicked a guy in the balls fifty times straight. You really have to know how to kick someone in the balls. You don’t want to use the ball of your foot or your heel. You want to use the top, flat part of your foot and hit them. They can take it. Balls are tougher than you think.

As a holistic practitioner, what would you say are the health benefits of foot play?

Anytime you are in a non-judgmental environment it is healing. You have the permission of authenticity. But also there are feel-good chemicals released in the brain: dopamine, serotonin, and vasopressin. These and the sex hormones increase your mood, build your immune system, and relieve stress. Your skin has nerve endings underneath it. So anytime your skin is touched it’s therapeutic.

Psychologically, it’s relaxing. It’s bonding you with your partner because of the oxytocin. And the more of that chemical is released the deeper your bond.

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Excerpt from Explorations In Foot Fetishism: A Guide For Couples And Others. Find out more on Don Tootsies' website.